Video Transcript: Semi-Directive With Discipleship

All right, welcome back to coaching basics, part two, my name is Steve Elzinga.  And we've been trying to figure out how coaching can actually, possibly, at  appropriate times, be more directive. In the first class, we talked about how it's  all non directive. And we talked about how you how you do that you ask a lot of  questions, you do a lot of listening, you let the client decide what the what they  want to work on, and how they're going to do it, their goals, how quickly they're  going to make progress. And, and you sort of reflect back to them so they can  figure that out. But sometimes situations call for a more directive approach. And  we've talked about those. And so we've been trying to figure out well, how do  you how do you take a non directive approach, but slightly add a little bit of  direction to it? What what are the different ways of trying to do that? So in this  lecture, we're going to look at making the directive, more non directive by using  the disciple ship method, the disciple ship method. So the question is, well, how  did Jesus disciple his disciples? I mean, we might as well follow the pattern that  the greatest disciple maker that ever lived, you know, what pattern Did Jesus  use to disciple his disciples? Number one, he called them, okay, he each we  have a description in the Bible, of how he called each one. In some ways, Jesus established at the very beginning of the relationship, I am the disciple maker,  you are the disciple. He then showed them, he invited them to come follow me.  The words that Jesus used, when he called them, Come and follow me, watch  me. So Jesus turned water to wine, he did miracles. And then the disciples  observed all the things that Jesus did, not only did they observe what Jesus did,  but they observed what Jesus said, they were just the watchers, in a way. But  then number three, Jesus didn't just have them observe what he was doing, and what he was saying. Jesus actually then taught them. A lot of times in the Bible,  we have examples of where Jesus takes them aside, he said something to the  crowds, but then they have this little powwow together with with the disciples,  and the disciples. You know, sometimes when asked a question, and then Jesus would, you know, go into more detail that Jesus spoke in parables many times,  and sometimes the disciples didn't get it? Well, oftentimes, they didn't get it. So  Jesus sat down with them and explained, you know, what he had done and  what, what he had said, and why he had done and said these things. Number  four, he sent them out to try out what they had been taught and what they had  seen. And he did that fairly early in His ministry to them, that they saw things,  they learned things. And then Jesus didn't hesitate to, you know, push them out,  to try to put into practice what they had seen, and what they had heard and what they had been taught. Number five, they came back. All right. And they had  another session about, you know, well, how did it go and they had some  problems. So Jesus re taught them in the light of their successes and their  failures. Number six, he then sent him out again, the the they went out, they  bumped into problems, come back, get some more information, more  knowledge, more teaching, and then he sends them out to try again. And then 

finally, number seven, he sent them out to teach others what they had learned.  Okay, so this is the pattern that Jesus used to coach/disciple his disciples. So  how might this work in your coaching? If you're going to take a more discipleship path? How would you go about it? Well, we would just follow the same pattern  that Jesus established with his disciples, number one. you call your client to the  task. You know, there's something that you're trying to help them do. You  establish to the disciple, that you are the disciple maker, and the client is the  disciple. So you call your client to a task. Now, this is an agreed upon task,  maybe the, maybe the client has sought you out, because they want to learn  how to be a better leader, let's say. So that's the task, I want to be a better  leader, or they want to learn an instrument, and you know how to play an  instrument. So that's the task, you're the one who knows how to do it, they're the one that wants to learn how to do it. Or maybe it's learn how to be a better  manager, or be a better parent, or be a better spouse, or, you know, be more  outgoing. I mean, the task can be almost anything, whatever a person actually  wants, to learn, and in an area they want to grow in their life, or there's a  problem in their life that they want to solve. Number two, show your client, what  you want them to learn. So now, it's, if they want to, they want to know,  leadership, you know, if I was a pastor, I would let you know, follow me for a day, see how I do it, or watch me do a meeting. Or if I was trying to teach someone  how to play the guitar, you know, watch what I'm doing, just just observe now,  most of what they're going to see, they're not going to totally get, they're gonna  get a little picture of it, or, or parenting, you know, or, or, or marriage, you know,  invite them over to your house, and that they can watch and see how you  interact, they have to observe and see what's going on in the area that you want to want to teach them. Number three, teach your client the agreed upon task. So most people can't just observe and learn. I mean, I think people could, but it  would take a long, long, long, long time. I mean, I mean, that's how we learn to  speak, we learn a language, just by observing and trying, but it takes a long,  long time, we want to accelerate the process, there has to be a little teaching  involved. So now I'm going to teach you some of the principles for example, of  leadership, or let's say it's to be a better parent. Alright, so I know I not only have you observe, but I'm going to teach you certain principles, we teach you how to  teach your kids a responsibility, or teach your kids how to have good judgment,  or teach your kids how to have the I can do it, attitude, all those kinds of things  I've used as an examples in lectures previous to this. So there's, there's a little  bit of teaching involved in the task at hand. Number four, send the client out to  put into practice what was learned, okay? Most people you can, you can show  them, you can teach them, and people feel like they sort of have it, but they  don't really have it. I remember the first time that I did a sermon, I wrote out my  sermon, I was in my my room, and I had it down, I felt like okay, this is this is  gonna be really good. And then I went to do it. And, you know, I lost my place, I 

forgot what I was saying. I mean, it didn't go the way I expected it to go. You  know, in, in, in, in my little room where I was practicing, it went perfectly. But  then when I got in front of people, it was a whole different experience. So often,  when we observe someone doing something, and we're taught how to do  something, and then we go out and try it, it doesn't go as easy as we might think it should. So send your client out and put into practice what was learned, if  you're teaching them how to parent better, you send them out with a few  principles, okay, this is this is your assignment. And then they go and they try out these things. But what happens? It doesn't go as they expect number five  reteach in the light of the client's experience. So the next session, they come  back and they say, Well, I tried this, and I did this, and I forgot this and then you  know, that my son, you know, his response was this and I had no idea what to  say. So that's what's gonna happen, right? You you learn something. It seems  fairly straightforward. When you get out in the real life situation. Things don't  always go the way you think it should. And then, you know, if you're new to this  whole thing, you don't know what to do next. See, but now they do now they  know what some of the obstacles are. So now you can work on those obstacles. Okay, your son said that so what how might we handle it? Now in in sort of the  coaching session, we can sort of relax and sit back and sort of look at all the,  you know, the things that went wrong and, and the possible ways we could do it  better or, you know, different options. And then what do we do, we send the  client out to put into practice what they've learned, we go try it again. And guess  what they're gonna, they're gonna get have more success, probably. But they're  gonna bump into other problems that they didn't anticipate. And so they'll come  back. And that process may go on for quite a while until, until they get a sense of everything that they've been taught, and then how to put it into real life practice.  And then finally, and this is probably a key with the discipleship method,  challenge with the client to coach others. A lot of times, we don't fully grasp what we've learned, what we know, until we try to help someone else. Because as we try to help someone else, they're going to try to put into practice what what has  been taught. And then they're going to come back and say, Well, this is the  problem that I ran into, and they're gonna run into more proud or different  problems that you possibly did. And together as you try to figure this out, your  knowledge of the whole thing is going to be expanded. So the discipleship  method, that there's a reason why Jesus chose the discipleship method to really begin the whole, the whole thing we call the church. This was the very  beginning. He, I mean, he taught many people but he poured himself into a  discipleship process with these 12 Ordinary men. They weren't the top they  were fishermen, tax collectors. And Jesus poured into them this method, this  process, it was a three year process. But look what happened because of that.  They went on, and discipled others and they went on and discipled others and 

then the church exploded all over the world. So it's a powerful method to use in  your coaching. Okay, we'll see you again next time.