Video Transcript: The Decision, the Plan & the Management of the Plan

All right, so we're back to coaching basics. Part two. And, you know, we've spent considerable time looking at how we can be sort of non directive in a more  directive style of coaching, and I've tried to give you various options. There are  probably many more. But what I want to do in this session is, is move towards,  you know, the whole coaching, you know, what coaching is all about back in the  back in the first class, I talked about the decision, the plan and the management  of the plan. And I want to look at each one of these in the light of this new way of thinking about coaching. So, so far, we've only explored how you can, in the  semi directed way help a client learn something about an area in their life, they  would like to fix, improve, learn for their life. This work in some ways, what we've been talking about is pre coaching, right? So teaching them about parenting, or  teaching them about time management, or whatever the topic is, or teaching  them how to play the piano or play to play the guitar. It's really about giving them a bunch of information. It's not really, we haven't focus really on action yet. We  focused on giving a client enough information, enough knowledge and teaching.  So that there's something now to work with, but Okay, so now, let's assume  we've done that, you know, we've, we've taught parenting, we've taught time  management, we've taught, you know, how to play the piano, or how to play the  guitar. Okay, well, now, what do we do? Now, we're ready to do the kind of  coaching that was talked about in the three credit class on coaching that you  already took? And do you remember from the class, what the three things that  the coach does, that was sort of the summary of, you know, these are the three  things that the coach does do remember that? Hopefully do. The three thing  coaches do, number one, they help a client figure out what they want to do. This is the decision. So what do you want to do? Now I've taught you about  parenting, I've taught you about time management, I've taught you about  marriage, all the different parts, you know, the dating, the talking, the listening  the how to deal with conflict, you know, I've taught you a bunch of things about  marriage, for example. Okay, but now, what do you want to do? Here, we have  all this information there. But now, what do you want to do? What do you want to work on? So we still have all of that coaching stuff to do? Secondly, help the  client figure out how, how to do what they want to do. So okay, you want to work  on, on listening to your spouse? Okay, so what's the plan? What are you going  to do the first week, the second week, the third week? How do you break down  the ultimate goal of having a good relationship with your spouse? How are we  going to break it down into the very things that we're going to work on. And then  finally, number three, help the client to do what they plan to do? It's managing  the plan, because, you know, we break it down, we're gonna say, this is what  we're going to do, but then you go out and do it, and then something doesn't  work, or you didn't do it, or you didn't follow through, or it didn't turn out the way  you wanted. And so now, you know, how are we going to work this plan plans,  never go exactly how you plan them. Or you can make the plan but not follow 

through with what you said you're going to do. And so the coach is there to help  manage that without the management of the plan, the plan often doesn't work.  So these are the three things that coaches do. So I want to look just briefly at  each one of these, as we're thinking about it with this semi directive coaching.  So the first thing again, that the client that the coach does is help the client  figure out what they want to do. They have to make a decision was, again, all  that information, all that teaching all that thought or if you will, on a particular  topic I've taught you about parenting, I've taught you about time management,  I've given you all the different things that that that this subject includes. But now,  what do you want to do with it. Based on all that semi directive coaching, what is it that the client wants to focus on first? Okay, so we've looked at learning some  stuff But Now out of all that you have learned, what do you want to try first note,  some things have unnecessary ordered to them, allowing the client to set the  order as much as possible helps the client gain motivation. So I remember when I took piano lessons you know, I was motivated to learn how to play the piano,  my, my mother knew how to play the piano, but she didn't know how to teach it.  So eventually, someone helped me. And they, they had an order, okay, they  wanted me to learn the names of the notes, they went in on this stuff. And I  thought, you know, this is not necessary. And, you know, I was sort of  uncooperative. And after three weeks, that was the end of that story. And  eventually, I learned piano on my own. But in part, you know, I was just, I got  demotivated, because the teacher figured out what I needed to know first,  instead of letting me in on the whole process, so that's what I'm talking about, I  think, especially for certain personalities, we'll talk about that in another session, but for certain personalities. And I think in terms of motivation, the more you let  the client decide, the better. So letting him figure out what he wants to work on  first. I mean, even in things like learning the piano, I mean, even if they choose  wrongly, eventually, you're gonna figure that out. So I don't know, I just think  allow as much as possible. You've done all the teaching already. So now allow  them to figure out where they want to start. Instead of, you know, the coach,  always knowing what's best. Help the client figure out what they want to do  review what was learned in the teaching phase. So maybe, you know, the client  doesn't know. So you go over, you know, okay, we've learned about parenting,  we learned about how to teach kids responsibility, we learned about how to give  them the I'm somebody attitude, the I will try attitude, I can do it attitude, we talk  them, we taught you about the skill of judgment, about discipline about not being the center of the world, and you know, all the different parts of this class that I  taught you. So we review all those things. And then help the client choose what  he or she wants to concentrate effort on the efforts going forward, do you want  to start with teaching your kids the I am somebody attitude? Or you want to start with the skills, responsibility or discipline, because, you know, you perceive that  as a great need and your family at this moment. So let you know, whatever they 

choose, they're gonna choose something that they're really motivated to do  something about, rather than what you as the coach chooses, you may think this is the most important, but it might not be the most important thing for your client, your client is going to gravitate towards the thing that they need the most. And if  they choose the thing that they need the most, they're more likely to work harder on it. So help the client choose what he or she wants to concentrate their effort  on towards by the client interest. That's what I just talked about, or the client  need or I just talked about that, or the situational urgency, okay, you know what's going on in the family right now? Or what's easiest. maybe the client just needs  a win. So they're going to choose something that seems like the easiest, or  they're going to choose something that seems like the hardest because their  challenge, kind of orientated people and challenge orientated. People want to try something hard or they don't work at it. Help the client figure out what they want  to do the decision so I gave the example of parenting already. Alright, so. Alright, so now we're moving on to plan. help clients figure out how to do what they want to do. Okay, in the plan. That's breaking down what you want to I want I want to,  you know, maybe the client says, I want to teach my kid how to be somebody.  Okay. So how are we going to do that? What are the steps that you envision to  doing that? And, you know, part of the teaching will help to help them figure  some of that out. So out of all that was learned the client has picked out a  particular area within the chosen topic or skill like parenting, giving the kids the I  will try attitude. But now a plan must be figured out. Okay, let me go back to that, say something more about it. So a plan to is, this too is something that you let  the client figure out. Now you can remind the client of things that you've taught,  that may help them, you know, okay, how do I teach my children the I will try  attitude? And they go well, I don't know, I don't know what I would start with,  well, what did we learn? We learned that you put challenges before children,  and then you praise them when they try even if they fail. All right. So you know,  you know, and then you look at all the other different parts, and then you go to  all these different parts, what do you want to start with? Maybe you want to start  with that? Or do you want to start with that? So you asked questions about the  material that they've already learned that will help them figure out like the steps  I'll try this than this? All right. So the three things again, help the client figure out  what they want to do the decision help client figure out how to do they want to  do that's the plan, and then the last thing is to help the client do what they plan  to do. And that's the management. So how do you help the client figure this out? This really is the feedback loop in the whole process. The management let me  let me show you how that works. Assignments are given, okay, so you know, this week, we are going to do something, okay, next meeting assignments are  evaluated, okay, you are going to challenge your child. And then when your child attempted, you know, for example, you might have a three year old and they  spill their water, you know, they're at the table, and they knocked their water off. 

And that happens quite regularly. Okay. So they spill the water. And then what  you do is you say to your son or your daughter, oh, here's an opportunity to  clean it up. And then you bring a rag over and you know, they they try to clean it  up. So that's the assignment. So the next week, you know, well, how did they  go? Did they spill their water? Well, yeah, they didn't spill their water. And what  did you do? I immediately yelled, oh, what do you think of that? Well, I know, I  was supposed to get the reg and let them clean it up. But I couldn't help myself.  Okay, so if that happens again, what are you going to do? Well, I'm going to try  to be more encouraging, and try to help them figure it out. Because, you know, I  forgot that the goal is to just get them to try. Or maybe they did spill and you got  the rag and after they cleaned it up. But then after they cleaned it up, you  cleaned it up. Because they didn't do a good enough job. And so, again, what  did you communicate to your child, you communicated to your child that they try, but they're not good enough. So then they're not going to try again. Because  why should I can't do it anyway, and my parents are just going to make up for it.  See, that's what that's what you're communicating When, when, when, when  you redo the work, you know, someone makes a mess, they fix it, when it's not  fixed to your degree of satisfaction, and then you go and redo it, you're really  telling them that they can't do it. And that then, in the next time, they're not even  going to bother. So you have to be clear, the goal here is trying, not perfection,  not how well you did, but that you try. adjustments are made according to this  success, or failure or lack of attempt and new assignments are given. So this is  what management is. So you give an assignment, but things don't just go the  way you think they might go. Number one as the client you may not actually  follow through with what you're supposed to do, or your child may not follow with what you think they should do. And so there's a lot of variables here and a lot of  different things that could possibly go and then you know, decision decisions  and reactions happen on the spot. And you know, that's where the coach comes  in. The coach can help the client reflect on what happened what was tried what  what emotions were going on. And then you can help. Okay, so now, you know  we experienced this, and how could you have done it differently? How what, you know, in the light of everything you experienced, how might you do it differently.  And now the client walks through the situation and figures out a better reaction.  So then they try it again the next week. And guess what, they're more prepared.  So this is how the coaching part really, really works. You know, we don't learn by just being taught a bunch of stuff. And now we're just going to go out and do it.  We're taught a bunch of stuff, and then we go out, and the real world situation is  different than we imagined. We are different, everything is different. So we  experience all those things. And now we bring that real world experience back to the coach, we put it on the table, we evaluate it, we think about it again. And  then we walk through different scenarios of possible reactions. And now we're  more equipped than we ever could have been, regardless of all the training and 

education that we could have had. And that's why you as the coach, are so  necessary for people to succeed. Because people don't just learn from a book.  They don't just learn from the download of all kinds of information. They learn by learning something, trying, going back, evaluating, readjusting, going back,  learning something coming back, re evaluating, thinking about going through  scenarios, trying again, and back and forth, and back and forth. That's where the progress is made. And that's when it gets really exciting. So if you if you've been called to be a coach, you've been called to one of the most exciting things that  you can you can do, where you're going to see people's lives change before  your very eyes. And you're the one that's helping someone reach a potential  they didn't think was possible. You're really just unleashing their God given  potential. It's there already. But you're the one that is releasing it and helping  them to become something. That is an that that is exciting to me. All right. Well,  that's, that's all for this time until we meet again.