Video Transcript: Where Conflict Starts

We live in a culture that thrives on conflict.  It might seem that conflict begins when someone perceives that an offense has occurred.  Once a perceived offense occurs, blame and falter aside, and the wheels of retributive justice begin to turn.  But the Bible tells us a different story about where conflict begins.  It doesn't just begin when the offense occurs.  It starts much earlier than that.  James 4:1 says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?”  Just like that Mount Vision fire that we talked about in Lecture number 2 that started underground and traveled outside that perimeter ring of rocks, conflict begins in our heart, in the desires of our heart, the things we want, that we don't get.  When our desires are not met, we fight to get what we want.  

Remember our definition of conflict from lecture one, we defined conflict as a disagreement through which we, which the parties involved perceive a threat to their needs, interests, or concerns.  Once that perceived threat exists conflict starts at the level of those internal needs, interests, and concerns.  Think about one of your conflict stories when you wronged someone.  Can you identify a point in time in that conflict when you felt that your needs, your interests, or your concerns were threatened?  Think about one of your conflict stories when someone wronged you.  Can you identify a point in time and in that conflict when you can now see how their needs, interests, or concerns were threatened?  

Conflict begins internally in the desires of our hearts and minds.  These desires manifest in our words and our actions.  Jesus said in Matthew 15:18-19, “But the things that come out of a person's mouth come from the heart, and these defile them.  For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.”  

However, just because a perceived wrong occurs doesn't mean a conflict wildfire has to ignite.  There is a place in responding to a perceived wrong, where we can address that perception without igniting a conflict.  It's not an easy place to find because our culture encourages offense and that's what sparks the wildfire of conflict.  When someone's perception turns into them saying I'm taking offense.  Offense is the most powerful dynamic in a conflict wildfire.  It's what fuels the fire.  

Let's talk about the dynamics of offense because understanding the dynamics of offense will change the way you look at conflict.  

We choose to take offense.  No one can make us take offense.  Every person who's offended, chooses to take offense.  When we take offense, we elevate our self-interest, then we judge, and then we justify our righteous position.  

As I said earlier, our culture embraces and exalts offense.  Offended individuals and groups are given license to disparage and disrespect perceived defenders.  Offended people create shallow wildfire stories.  Offended people focus only on the offensive acts of wrongdoing of the offender and they define that individual by those acts.  Offended people label their offenders just like a retributive justice system labels offenders.  Offended people feel justified in labeling offenders because they're convinced that they're right.  And sometimes they are right.  But understanding the dynamics of offense make it possible to redeem your conflict stories.  Understanding the role that offense plays in the conflict wildfire will help you transform your conflict stories to 

help you to escape shallow wildfire labels.  To help you escape those limiting stories of retributive justice.  

So some curious questions for you about your conflict story.  Who did you offend?  Are they still offended?  Who offended you?  Are you still offended?  

Let's review the key points from this lecture.  

• Conflict begins underground in our heart’s desires.  

• We express our desires through our words and actions.  

• When our desires or needs are threatened, the fires of conflict begin to smolder in our hearts and minds.  

• Conflict ignites when someone takes offense.  

• Offense is the most powerful dynamic in the conflict wildfire.  

• We choose to take offense.  

• Offense occurs when we elevate our self-interest, judge the offender, and then justify the righteousness of our judgment.  

• When we are offended, we focus on our desired outcome because we are convinced that we have a right to do so.  

Thank you for watching this lecture.  God bless you.  We will see you next time.