Video Transcript: Addressing Challenging Behaviors

Well, welcome to week 11, of Creating Congregations of Belonging for People of all Abilities.  I am Victoria White.  Barb and I talked to you about dementia.  And so I am pleased to come back today to talk about addressing challenging behaviors.  I know you've learned a lot of strategies for working with an individual who may have Autism Spectrum Disorder.  We have talked again, about those experiencing dementia and how that changes behaviors.  We've talked about some different areas of mobility difference, or medical needs, some things that you now know and have strategies to handle.  But what about those who just come with behaviors that disrupt your plans in many ways?  

I want to talk today about behaviors, communication, and what we might call offensive and defensive positions when it comes to our behavior management strategies in our ministry settings.  Now, I want to just mention here again, kind of going back to our talk on dementia, we already mentioned some things about how behavior is communication.  But let's talk about that a little more today and think through this a little bit.  

Of course, a baby has ways of communicating though there are no words because often when we think about communication, we're thinking words.  But really that baby screaming in the other room is letting you know quite clearly something is happening in their world that you need to address.  And mothers most often can tell whether that cry means they're hungry, or tired, or uncomfortable, or in pain, or just plain mad.  There are different cries for each of those.

You look at these two pictures of these couples.  You can pretty clearly see that they're communicating very different messages.  One couple looks like they're highly enjoying being together.  The other is communicating a very different message, right?  So our body language, the way we interact with our environment, all of these behaviors are communicating very clearly some messages sometimes we don't even realize that we're communicating.  But most often, we're very intentionally behaving in a way to communicate something. 

So the trick is to slip into what we call detective mode, and think about what it could be that this behavior is indeed communicating.  The beautiful thing is when that aha moment happens and you finally realize exactly what it is that's being communicated.  

So how do we get from wondering what this behavior is meaning to that aha moment?  And the trick to that is, we keep saying this over and over again, but begin by getting to know the individual.  Who is this person?  And is the reason that they're coming out into the room screaming and stomping because there is learning differences?  Is it because there's a language difference?  Is the lack of words, because there might be a learning disability or is it because this child was just adopted from a different country and doesn't happen to speak this language and so is trying to communicate to you that the words do not come in the language that you are expecting them in?  What is the story behind this individual?  How can we get to know what's going on here before we simply come accusing of bad behavior and trying to address behaviors in a punishment sense?  So let's think about these things.  

And I really want to talk today about that tough customer, that one who just keeps butting up against the rules or against the way that you thought things were going to go.  So hoping that today we can really start to get into some of those strategies that will apply for those tough cases that are really causing you to put on the detective hat in a pretty serious way to get through this.  

So what are some things that we can do?  First of all, it's always helpful to find out what plan is already in place.  Can you find out what's happening in a different learning environment than your ministry setting?  What's happening in their community, in their home, in some environments where maybe they are in; an after school care, or some other sort of childcare setting or a different setting in which they spend a lot of their time.  Someone who may already have a plan in place and that plan could be working very, very well.  

Quite often schools have what we call an individualized education plan or an IEP.  And that's simply a plan set out on paper with learning objectives, behavioral objectives, and all of these things.  So how do we know this child is staying on task?  What do we do to redirect them?  What are some techniques that work well to calm them?  All of these types of things are listed on this plan.  And so if there's a plan like that in place, I highly encourage that in your ministry setting, you get connected with some people who are working on that plan.  

I’ve just been working with a church this week, actually with a student who I was able to call the school and talk to a couple of people who were connected with this child.  Get to know what the occupational therapists saying, what some speech things are going on, some different behavior plans, where this child is academically.  

So what can be expected in the ministry setting?  And how can we come together all around and support the family so that the parents and those in the church working with the student, both midweek and the worship service on the weekend, are all working on the same plan, and that's in agreement with and using the same language as in the same techniques and strategies as are already happening during the week at school? 

This gives continuity to the child and also doesn't let that child get away with things that they know they can't get away with in one setting but they might try getting away with in another setting.  So again, knowing what plan is already in place can be extremely helpful for us as leaders, but also for the child for continuity sake.  

So one thing you can also do is visit an environment where that plan is working well.  Can you get a tour?  Can you go and see this space where things are working well?  Can you go into the school setting or that care setting, or even the home where a child is comfortable where things may be going well?  Or maybe that's the reason you're getting some more questions is because things aren't going well at home and parents need some more advice on how to help things work well between home and church.  So can you get your body and your mind into the space where this where this person also spends a lot of their time to get to know what's happening in that environment because again, that way, you're being consistent from one environment to the next, which is going to also help make those behaviors more consistent as well.  

Something else to think about would be to be training all of your staff or volunteers until they feel comfortable.  Many of you might be leaders in your ministry setting but perhaps you have people under you who don't have the level of training.  Maybe you're looking at the volunteers who are working with an individual, and they are the ones who maybe need to come in and view some courses like this, or to get some training, get some techniques, get some strategies, get some tools in their toolbox, if you will, so that the one who's directly working with the individual has what they need, so that they feel comfortable.  

I can't tell you how many times we've worked with people who are losing volunteers, because they have said yes to allowing people to come into their ministry setting as we want them to…  say yes, be ready to accept individuals… however, if you're going to say yes, you have to also be equipped.  And so we don't want to have volunteers leaving because they are drained because they don't have enough resources to work on things and have successful times with the individuals that they're working with.  So make sure people are trained until they feel comfortable.  

The other thing that you can do is invite an effective person to come to your setting for a couple of days.  Maybe that's having a professional occupational therapist who happens to be a part of your congregation, or a speech therapist, or a special education specialist, or a teacher or simply someone who knows this individual well.  That is enough of an expert.  Quite often, we will say go ahead and welcome that family welcomed that child into your youth ministry, say, but ask the parents to stay for a couple of weeks.  And give a limit that it's just for a couple of weeks.  But you want them to come in and be the expert to show you how to interact with this individual, how to get to know what works well, what's working in other environments, make sure that you have a consistent plan, you have everyone on the same page.  But the idea of having an effective person come and spend some time with them, spend some time with you, allowing you all to get to know one another and some plans that are already working well.  But what if you've tried those things, and you still need some more ideas for your plan?  Thankfully, we have several.  

I will get into those.  But first I want to talk about this idea of offense and defense.  Now, to be honest, we always set this up as a football analogy, and in America, it's American football.  So that's one image.  But many of you might be thinking of football as what we call soccer.  Either way, I don't play either of those sports, so don't ask me to join the team.  I've played some basketball.  So I understand offense and defense a little bit.  What I know of football and soccer is that offense is who has the ball and defense wants to get the ball. 

On offense, you are there and you're ready to make the score.  You're trying to get into that goal, or that basket, or that touchdown zone, or whatever that's called.  But the idea is you're the one in control.  You have the plan you get to call the plays.  When I played basketball, I got to be the point guard, so I got to call the plays.  And I loved to do that because I felt so in control.  What I hated the most is when someone stole the ball from me and went dashing down the court to make their score, right?

And I wasn't very good at defense because I'm not very tall.  It's a little hard to try to stretch and get the ball away from you if you're trying to make basket.  It's also why I don't play football, because I'm just not very big, right?  But the idea being I wanted to be the one in control.  I don't like being on defense, because then I have to react to the situations.  

So often in our settings where we're thinking about behavior management or handling challenging behaviors, the trouble is that we're doing it from a defensive mode.  So we've already lost control of the situation in big or small ways.  And so now we're trying to figure out how to regain the control.  It's much more effective if we can start from a place where we are on offense, if you will, if we come prepared; if we come with a plan and we can now fill in the things that are happening underneath that plan.  There will be times that we do have to react from that defensive mode as well, but we always want to try to get back on offense and have control of the situation and understand what's happening in those.  So as we get moving, we're going to talk about offensive strategies.  And then at the very end, we'll talk about a few defensive strategies as we'd handle these challenging behaviors.  

So next time, we're going to talk about offensive strategies, and this will be a bit of a longer section.  So this introductory portion of the week has been a little bit shorter, because I want to spend a good amount of time talking about some different strategies that you can think about and you can try in your ministry setting.  And then the final week will be on some defensive strategies and a few other techniques to try before you have to call in some absolute professionals.  

So hoping that this week has been a little bit helpful as you think about challenging behaviors, and a stance that you can have on how to work with individuals in your ministry setting.  And then next week, we're going to get started on, or sorry, next time, we'll get started on some offensive strategies to really equip you in handling them well.