Video Transcript: Attitudes and Adam's Story

But I wanted to end with a story and another tool that you can use around perspective and attitude.  The story is so good.  And the story I think, is a powerful testimony to having people be together in some of the schools but also in congregations.  It's a testimony to how people within our communities form our hearts.  

And while some of you may be very familiar with football in the United States, that kind of football with the sort of elongated ball, not the football that I know happens in other countries.  But this does actually feature one of the quarterbacks of the NFL here in the US.  And it's an amazing story.  And this is my story from Holland, Michigan, believe it or not, this is Zealand, Holland, Michigan story.  

And I'm grabbing onto this and sharing it with you today.  I'm going to talk a little bit more about attitudes, and then have a final blessing for you at the end.  I know you have worked hard and are working hard.  I know this is a study into ministry, and many of you are currently already serving in those ministry posts.  And I just want to bless you and use words from Scripture to do that.  

So here's the story.  I had talked earlier about a book called I choose Adam.  And I would like you to meet Adam and his father, David.  Adam was born and he was the one, do you remember the story?  I sort of started it.  Adam was born, and it reminds me a bit of that book from Henry Nouwen, that's called Adam, God's Beloved.  That's the Henry Nouwen book.  This is called I Choose Adam - Nothing Special, Please.  And while these are two different Adams, that's not Henry Nouwen’s Adam, there are some similarities in the story that’s pretty amazing.  

So in any event, Here is Adam’s baby picture.  Adam was born, do you remember this part?  I told a piece of it to you.  This is the part where the doctor said, Yeah, I don't think you should take “it” home.  “It” will ruin your life, “it” will never read, “it” will never have friends.  I will find a different place for “it”, but you two should go on with your lives and pretend “it” never happened.  

I often think that this doctor not only didn't see a puzzle piece, didn't only just see a pink side of a puzzle piece, I think maybe the doctor didn't even really see a person.  Adam was more of like, I don't know what, but not a puzzle piece and not even a pink puzzle piece.  Not a person. I'm not sure.  

This was about 34 years ago now that Adam was born.  And, again, the doctor said some really horrible things.  And then the nurses didn't help at all.  The doctors said those things to the parents.  But the nurses were very much engaged in sort of thinking how can we make this very sad family who must be sad, not be so sad.  So they, in this hospital, usually had these dinners for new parents.  So they took them off the new dinner list because they wouldn't want to be with all of the other happy parents.  And so it was just this horrible thing of not only doctors but the nurses and they pulled the blinds and they tried to keep Adam away from mom.  And this was this dark bleak thing. 

It was absolutely an amazing time of life for them because they were, too, this was a surprise.  They didn't know that Adam would have Down Syndrome.  And they certainly didn't know because this diagnosis came later, that Adam would also be diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder.  But Adam was not celebrated even a little bit by the nurses.

It was a journey too, as the parents went home with Adam and they were trying to give him care.  They invited several people who were going to try to help.  Some people would come in, and one was suggesting almost using these very horrible things to get Adam to keep his tongue in his mouth.  

And dad would differentiate between having caretakers and caregivers.  He said he always preferred the people who were caregivers.  The caretakers took something away from them.  They would take Adam away from them; would take Adam’s dignity away.  They thought they had all the answers.  And what they needed was people who could give care.  Not take; not be caretakers.  I thought that was an interesting understanding of those two words.  

But again, they had a huge variety of people coming into their home.  And every time they did, they really suggested that Adam needed to go and be with the special school, that Adam needed to go and be in the special area.  In fact, they tried to go to a church and the first church they found, as a Christian family, that was accepting was the Jewish synagogue.  

A friend invited them; they went because they couldn't find another church to go to.  And it was then that the Rabbi picked up Adam, held him up in the air, kind of like that Simba sort of thing on the Lion King, this is God's blessing to us.  This is God's gift to us.  Look, this is Adam.  And he took Adam around, and they would go there; they never had a hold Adam once because he was passed around this congregation.  And they went there just to feel that delight that people had.  

The neighbors around their family, too, had some interesting things they did when Adam was born; receive these sympathy cards, and they had neighbors, and then but one neighbor came over and said, You know, I don't know much about Down Syndrome, but I would like to learn.  And how do you want us to handle this?  

Great question, you know?  And David said, I want him to be treated like all of the other kids.  We want people to celebrate that we have a baby.  So he said, Good.  I'll let people know that.  And then they started to get these encouraging notes that people came, celebrating your baby boy, whatever.  But sometimes it takes, again, that person to just ask the right question.  

Well, they looked and looked and looked for a long time, they, they didn't want a special thing for Adam.  And that's what everybody kept saying, Well, you got to go here, you got to go - even in the church, you got to go out into the special wing.  And he said, but we just want Adam to be with everybody else.  We want him to learn from everybody and we want people to learn from Adam.  

At one point, dad even bought a school in order to facilitate that, and that whole thing fell through.  They said, Look, we're moving.  We're going to Colorado, or somewhere.  Yeah, I think it was Colorado.  Dad flew out there and said we need to find a different community because this is not working for us.  They ended up, dad went out, he found a realtor who showed them a great piece of land for a house.  He was offered a job in a facility there.  And he found a school for Adam that was just perfect.  He came home and was telling his wife, we're moving.  You know, all of these great things have happened.  Within the space of a week, they couldn't get a hold of the realtor - found out that she had died.  The place where he was supposed to work took the offer back; and the school burned down.  It's like,  seriously?  If that's God not closing a door, I don't know what is.

And at this point, and dad was pretty honest.  He said I didn't talk to God a lot, but we had a conversation this day.  Dad got in this car and started just driving around and he ended up, after driving, talking to God, realized he was parked.  And he looked up and he saw this school.   

Although he didn't live in this community, the school was called Zeeland Christian School.  He walked in the door and was met by the administrator.  And he started to share the story, took an hour was telling me about things.  The administrator listened and they said, Sure, we'd love to have Adam here.  You know, I'll hook you up with Barb and Jan, and they can help figure out the details.  So Adam became part of our student body and that launched one of these amazing connections with Adam.  

They also found a great church in their own hometown.  Zeeland Christian was about a half hour's drive.  But in their hometown, they found a church, a Christian church, where they as a family could worship.  While they had options for Atom, he was also welcomed to be part of the sanctuary.  At one point, when the pastor was giving a blessing, Adam thought that looks like a cool idea.  And before his father and mother could catch him, he was up there giving a blessing.  It went over so well that he did it frequently.  It was just this wonderful gift to the community.  Adam was just a part of everybody.  

Adam had tons of friends at Zeeland Christian.  He went on to a high school after that; tons of friends there as well.  It was interesting to me too, that as Adam was at Zeeland Christian, it wasn't as though everyday was easy or perfect.  I'll never forget the day that Adam had a room full of grandparents in his in his classroom.  And it was Grandparents Day.  And crowds and all of those things really made him upset.  And sometimes Adam, new words that some of the children at the Christian School shouldn't know or didn't know at that point in time.  

All those people in there. It was hot Adam just lets it fly with the F word, right?  Out it goes.  And the grandparents are shocked in horror; this, this, you know, calm comes over the room; this quiet.  And you know, the peers just knew Adam so well at that point, we'd done a lot of prepping of peers and they just calmly turned to their grandparents and said, You know what?  That word really doesn't mean anything bad.  It's just Adam's way of saying that he's upset.  There’s too many people in here.  And one of the kids just took him for a little walk.  And when he came back, he was fine.  

So again, it's this way of creating this community and culture.  They loved Adam; Adam loved them.  And when Adam went on to high school, he also went to youth group in his church.  There were just all of these great connections that Adam had.  Adam built tons of friends.  But given Adam size, one of the things that he was part of was the football team at Holland Christian high school.  And I don't know, but they had a really great football team that year.  And I want you to pay close attention to the gentleman in the back with the glasses on his head, as he's a significant part of the story.  

Adam worked out with the team, he coached the team, he hung out with them.  They were very protective of Adam.  He was one of their teammates.  And so on the day, they’d practice for the summer, on the day that the kids came back to school and they had the others join in, Adam got the hallways there at the school, and he was getting very upset and of course, one of those words came flying out of his mouth.  There were some kids that were laughing at him.  So the kids from Zealand Christian that knew him went to come alongside of Adam to get him calm down.  The kids from the football team, apparently, from what I heard, sort of pushed those kids who were laughing up against the wall and let them know that Adam is one of us and you don't mess with him.  That continued for a long time.  

Even after high school Adam would get these invitations to go to people's homes, he would be part of so many different communities.  Adam loved to go out.  He had fun.  He was a great friend.  He had your cell phone number; he loved to call you.  And he would find out how you're doing, what's for supper.  

One of the friends on the team, his name was Brett, when he was dating, he went on a lot of dates together with Brett and Darlene.  They were just, Adam would call, Where are you going?  Okay, pick me up at 530.  And they did.  Adam was the best man at their wedding.  He did not go along in their honeymoon, although I'm sure he asked.  But Adam was just part of their life.  So much so that Brett and Arlene, when they built their house said we're getting a home with an apartment in the basement, because we want to make sure that Adam always has a great place to live.  Adam was just part of their community.  

As he grew through those years, Adam also joined men's Bible study at church.  He was very much a servant; he loved to vacuum.  And so he would go and do the vacuuming at his church; very much a part of that.  At the men's Bible study, he was a great timekeeper; he liked to keep things organized and start on time, and he made tons of notes.  Journaling, what to pray for, for people.  Adam was a prayer warrior.  And so if you made his notebook, you were going to get prayed for.  Adam was this amazing friend and magnet.  Like I said, not every day was easy, but he was surrounded and he fed the lives of his friends.  And they fed him.  It was so great.  

Well, it just so happened that Adam, at the age of 30, developed cancer.  And one of the things that happened is they just didn't have a lot of treatments available to him.  And his father called me towards Adam’s last days.  And he said, you know, Barb, I'm really I'm really wondering if you might be willing to lead the memorial service?  And I said, Absolutely not.  I'm not a pastor, I get way too emotional.  This is just not happening.  

He said, No, that's not why I'm asking you.  I'm asking you because I know that Adam has friends of all differing abilities, and we're going to have a regular church one, they'll do that.  But could we just have one for his friends?  A place where they could go to celebrate his life, to mourn his death, and in a way that allows everybody to do that?  So I prayed about it.  And I said, All right, I don't think this is going to go well, but I will.  

And that's where we pulled in those vertical habits.  We had a service that was filled with people talking.  We had a service that was filled with using thank you to God to asking God for help to ask God why did this happen?  We had a service with a lot of participation.  We were thinking that there would only be maybe a hundred people, but we wisely put it in a church because there were over 500 people who gathered for that funeral.  500 people who were there at this sort of secondary funeral that they were having memorial service.  

And it was this amazing testimony.  In fact, I was thinking of some of the words from Henry Nouwen’s book about Adam, God's Beloved.  And this is what Henry Nouwen wrote and I thought this was an amazing testimony to this Adam as well.  “I thought here is the man who more than anyone connected me with my inner self, my community and my God.  Here is the man I was asked to care for, but who took me into his life and into his heart in such an incredibly deep way.  He is dead now.  His life is over. His task is accomplished.  He has returned to the heart of God from which he came.”

I will tell you, as I looked at those 500 people at that memorial service, I thought, really?  The Doctor.  Could you be here?  Could you stand beside me, doctor?  Mister?  “It”?  Could you come here?  And could you look and notice the number of people who are gathered; the number of fingerprints that Adam had on each of these lives?  Would you listen to the comments that people made because as many times as I invited people to take a microphone, not one person mentioned that Adam happened to have Down Syndrome or Autism.  Not one.  Not one mentioned that.  But they all mentioned the way that Adam touched his or her life, how Adam changed his or her heart, about being in community with one another, had changed who they were as a person.  

It was amazing to me.  I went out to the car, and I thanked God for not making me just break down in front of everybody.  But I started to weep.  I started to weep.  I think I missed Adam, that was part of it.  He was part of my life as well.  But I started to weep.  Because God allowed me to see something that I've worked for, for many, many years.  God allowed me to see the fullness of something that happens every day; that I give a child an instruction, or an adult or a church a message about inclusion and why it's good to be together.  About how we need each other within the body of Christ, how the eye can't say to the hand, I don't need you.  It's about how we build community.  And here in front of me was this vision of what happens when we do that in life.  We could celebrate Adam’s life together and also how we missed him.  

We ended with a time of worship because we knew that was something we could still do with Adam.  Adam, holy, holy, holy, right in that place, a different place of worship.  Adam who loved to sing, who would often be known to turn around in church and at school, wherever he was and say, come on guys louder.  He was one of these people who was so passionate about worship.  We did that.  

But I'll tell you what.  That picture has stayed etched in my brain.  And this story has stayed etched in my brain.  Because I think this isn't about the person with a disability.  Are you hearing this?  Yes.  This was partly about Adam.  But it's also about all the other lives that Adam touched, where he lived, where he went to church, where he went to school.  It's about those communities that grew and knew Adam.  

In fact, one of the people who came and shared the microphone that day is a very popular quarterback here at the NFL in the United States.  His name is Kirk Cousins.  Kirk Cousins was one of Adams friends.  He was a quarterback of the Holland Christian School team.  He went on to Michigan State, and at the end of the game, he would text and call Adam at the end of it.  At the end of the NFL games, he would text and call Adam.  He invited Adam to his NFL draft party where they stood around the piano and sang hymns because that's what Kirk Cousins does.  That's who he is.  That's his personality.  

And they keep doing interviews with Kirk Cousins.  And I keep thinking, Oh, do you know?  Do you know about Adam, because Adam helped to form Kirk Cousins’ heart.  Kirk Cousins gave him that honor both in the book where his words are included, but also at the memorial service that night.  Adam touched me.  Sometimes he was the only encouraging voice I heard after a game saying you got it next time; head up.  Our communities of people impact one another.  This is the story from Holland.  And this is my story about Adam and the people who were part of his life, including Kirk Cousins.  

But I wanted to take this story apart with something put out by Elam Christian Services and my colleague there Dan Vander Plaats.  And he said, Look, I've noticed that there are sort of this journey of stages through the world of disability.  Stage one might be ignorance, right?  I just don't know.  I make stupid comments.  I haven't really, you know, thought about this or whatever.  Then there's Pity; Oh, I feel so bad for this person with a disability, which sometimes then moves into an attitude of care.  Let me care for this person.  Which then, stage four, he would say is friendship.  We formed friendships with persons with disabilities; and then stage five, he said, then we become co-laborers with one another; we are Kingdom warriors together in this journey.  

And I think what Dan Vander Plaats will often encourage individuals as well as congregations to do is say, where do you think your congregation falls?  If you took a poll right now, do you think most people would say that they're sort of ignorant?  They haven't really thought of this?  Are we sort of in this care stage, like we’ll take care of people, that all pink person?  Or are we more at this place of friendship?  Or, where are we at?  

I suppose if you take apart Adam’s story, certainly, you could maybe put that doctor at the place of ignorance.  I think that's a good place for that doctor, the doctor who just didn't see who Adam is in God, as God created Adam to be, but also used some words that were so hard and offensive.  Also, I would suggest that pity was part of that, certainly.  They got those sympathy cards, right?  And they had those nurses who took them off the happy parents’ party.  Remember, they had some care, they had some good caregivers; they also had some caretakers.  And, again, that that was part of their life as well.  Adam’s story, though, emphasizes friendships, and there are friendships all over the place, and friendships with tons of people.  Adam had tons of friends and invited friends into his life.  He was such a great friend.  

And where's your church at?  Do you have those opportunities for friendships?  Like John and Ryan, and so many of the people that I've talked about as part of this course.   And then, do you have that opportunity to be co-laborers?  Do you have that Bible study where you're together?  Do you have the vacuuming team from church?  Do you have the opportunity to serve together and link arms in the kingdom work that God has for us to do?  I don't know where your congregation is at. 

I hope this tool is helpful for you as well.  I do know that if we don't allow persons of all abilities to be part of our communities, we won't grow through those stages either, will we?  We won't have the chance to learn how special Adam is and how he can impact our lives.  

So I wanted to close this course with a chance for you to think about where we've been, and now this story that I hope illustrates the beauty, the joy of what can happen.  How we started at that place of just becoming aware of statistics and what's going on.  We went to that framework of that trio of perspective; perspective in a variety of ways, but especially through puzzle pieces in the communities that we can make with one another.  That participation through universal design, children's groups and adults’ groups, and how exciting that is to think about that opportunity.  

But also the need for those personalized responsive design plans.  We went through a lot of tools that might be part of those plans or part of universal design.  

We went through some information so that you could better understand some individuals who might be part of your community.  We talked about persons with Autism Spectrum Disorder and intellectual disabilities.  We talked about persons with dementia; we talked about individuals who may have some mobility or physical needs, hearing, vision differences, ADHD.  We talked about individuals with behavior differences and how we might be able to intervene.  

But now, and part of the planning process of including peers and equipping volunteers, but I guess at the end of it all, it's really about God using us to tell stories through our churches, right?  And is it going to be more of that casket story, or is it going to be more of that Adam’s story?  What kind of stories can God tell through our communities?  How can we learn with and from one another?  

And so Adam, is my story.  Adam happened in Holland.  This is my Adam, and my Kirk Cousins.  And my amazing story of this memorial service of the glimpse that God allowed me to see; of what happens when we live together with one another in community.  That's my God-sized Adam story.  

But I am so excited to know what your story is in your community.  What individuals does God have already to arrange in your communities?  Who is already there?  How have you experienced the beauty of community with people of all abilities?  Is it a place of belonging?  Is it that place of co-laboring and friendship?  Is it that place that's growing to love and respect one another in that community, a place of belonging where you miss people when they're not there? 

So, I want to hear your stories.  I'm so excited and I hope and pray that God has used this material in this class, to give you the tools that you need to continue to tell those kinds of community belonging stories in your congregation in the area that you oversee, now and in the future.  I hope you've enjoyed the material.  It has been a joy to put this together and a joy to reflect with you through some of the homework assignments as well.  

But let me now and with the blessing as I had promised, and I would love to use the words that are in the end blessing of your accessible gospel book, but also those words that made my dad stop, pause, and say, Stop.  Hope for me.  And this is my hope and prayer blessing for you today.  

“May the God of hope,” from Romans 15:13, “May the God of hope, fill you with all joy and peace.”  And I think it's a beautiful thing that God doesn't do things in short supply, but God wants to fill you with those things. 

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him.”  So please, while we hope we have been helpful to you, do not trust in Tori and Barb, don't trust in the people you've read.  Trust in the one who knit that individual together who designed that puzzle piece, who knows that individual and knows your community puzzle as well.  Trust in God to give you those answers.  

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with hope.”  Stop.  Because that is a beautiful gift.  It's a calling that we have to spread God's hope in our community.  And I will tell you, it will happen soon.  If you approach that family or you get to greet someone who has been sent away from congregations who has been looking for that place, and you look at that individual and say we need you here; you have gifts to share in this community.  I see those green parts of your life, you will watch God's hope dawn on that person’s face.  And it is a beautiful thing to see God's hope fill that individual.  

Oh, be leaky.  Go out there and leak God's hope.  Share that hope with people around you.  And how are you going to do that?  Are you going to do it because you know you're going to drink a lot more caffeine?  Or you're going to start a new exercise program because it's all about you anyway to pull this off?  Absolutely not.  The rest of this verse also tells us that how we get to do this is also a gift from God.  

So here's the blessing.  Romans 15:13, “May the God of hope, fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with hope, by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Amen.  Have a wonderful, wonderful year, and may God give you many chances to use this material in His service.