Video Transcript: Interview with Pastor Greg and Collette

Dr. Mark Vander Meer - And we're back. Great. Great to have you with this  course on domestic tranquility, and as we look at the topic of temperament, how  God has wired you. In the last video, we talked about how God wires us with five temperaments on the board behind me, you have the five sentences as we  talked about, I want it my way, or I want it the fun way, and why not? Or I want it  the peaceful way, even keeled, always want peace at all costs. Or I want it the  right way, the way things ought to be. It's black and white. It's, you know, there's  no gray in between, or I want it your way so that you love me. And that's for the  person who wants to support and reinforce the rules they don't want to make,  the rules they want to follow under the servant's heart. Those are the five  temperaments, as we discussed, and today, I want us to look at how this is  applied. I took the liberty of inviting my team, my co pastor, in ministry with  community recovery, as well as new Community Church at the care center, and  also our executive assistant, Coco Compton. And so pastor Greg Chandler is  and also Colette Compton are here, and they're going to tell you their  experiences based upon how God has wired them. I as I screened them and  brought them on to our staff, we had the opportunity and fun opportunity of doing the Arno profile of them, and they came out the same. It was quite amazing,  wasn't it, guys, it was absolutely and and just to start with you, Greg, well, let me back up, Greg, as I described in the last video, there are three areas, three  areas of temperament. First, the first areas we talked about has to do with  general relationships. General relationships, how we relate with people in  general, overall. And this first area of ourselves defines us. It defines us. It is the umbrella that we're under throughout our day and, of course, our lives. The  second area has to do with decision making work and how we carry ourselves at work and interpersonally, intrapersonally, and how we make those decisions with projects or at home with our budgets, or how we decorate the house. That  second area is very different than the first. The third area we look at personal  relationships, see personal relationships, obviously are very different than  general relationships. I'm not, for example, going to be as intimate with  somebody at Myers who I meet for the first time as I'm going to be with my wife,  right? Guys. So it's very different. And of course, that also applies to close family members, deep friendships, close friendships, and I will have to say I have a  close and deep friendship with my team here. Yes, we are in our work mode  every day, but also we've been able to deepen our friendship and our  relationship with each other in a very special way. Thanks be to God. And I will  have to say too, and I will say this for the record, this is probably, in 19 years,  the best team I've had ever as I've worked with community recovery, new  community, church and many of the projects. So thank you guys for an excellent experience daily, as God has blessed us and and so let's get to how guys wired, both Greg and also Colette, or Coco, as we call her. Let's go back to the board.  On the board, we have the sentences, I want it my way. I want the fun way. And 

why not? We always say, I want the relational way, or I want the peaceful way,  phlegmatic and the right way, the melancholy and the your way, supine. Greg  and Colette came out in the first area, in general relationships, how they how  they initiate contact and how they receive contact. Is there both fun way,  relational way, same way, absolutely. They want to have fun all the time. They're  joking half the time. They want to make it party all the time. It's party town, as we say, all the time, and it's fun way, relational way, but now how they make  decisions is very different, stark contrast. Absolutely both Greg and Colette, they want it the right way, and how they make decisions and how they are wired to  get the details done, and that's that's the right way how things ought to be, as  the melancholy. And they're a little different in terms of degrees, as far as you  know, as far as levels, but it's the same with the two of them and in deep  personal relationships. Well, you'll see for yourselves their fun way with their  deep relationships. They want connection. That's another important part, too, to  re emphasize the sanguine wants connection. They want they are energized by  people, but the same time when it comes to decision making and doing the  project, being at work, they want they're very task oriented, they're very  deliberate, and they're very much about getting the details in order from one to  1.1 to 1.2 to 2.1 to 2.2 and so on. But when it comes to people and  relationships, bring it on. They love it, and so let's go to let's find out from their  own mouth, their own experience, how this plays out in their lives, and  especially as we work as a ministry team, and see as you work in ministry, or as  you are re entering society as a returning citizen, or as you are working with  people in your household, as a wife, as a as a husband, wherever in life, just  think about how God has wired you. And of course, we hope to you know,  connect with you via online or other other ways. So we can help you discover  how God's wired you and see how that plays out in your relationships and how  you do your work. So Greg, Colette, tell me, Greg, we'll start with you. You were  at once, at one time, a senior pastor of a fast growing Missionary Baptist Church in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and how long of a tenure did that church because I  know that church dissolved, and there's a whole story behind that, which is not  the Purpose of this interview today. However, you began to discover something.  People came to you and they said, Oh, Pastor, Greg, you're the guy. You need  to be our senior pastor as we plant this church. It's about what eight years  

Pastor Greg - ago, yes, it was, yeah. And there's some people that came  together. They wanted to become a church. They wanted to do ministry started  in my home as a men's Bible Fellowship, and that developed. That lasted for  about two years. And then their spouses took interest, as they appreciated the  growth that their husbands were making, and they decided that, hey, can we get  you also to host a Bible study for the women. Then they said, why are we doing  this alone? Why don't we just come together and become a church? That's how 

it started. Yeah, sure. So I just basically oversaw the process and based on your temperament models, because I didn't want to take on that great responsibility.  So I kind of offered a caveat, I'll oversee it, because I didn't want the ultimate  responsibility to follow me. I want to help you, because you asked for my help,  but I also wanted to leave myself a way out.  

Dr. Mark Vander Meer - Yes, you, as I've gotten to know you and as we had the  opportunity to confirm how God's wired you. You wanted to connect people.  

Pastor Greg - That's it. I wanted to connect them, but then I wanted to fade in  the background. In fact, I was challenged early on as a senior pastor, just about  that model, that I wanted to empower them, that they could continue on. I didn't  want to be their senior pastor forever. I wanted to get them started, get a good  foundation, get them where they need to be, so that the you know, they can  continue on. But then I wanted out, yeah,  

Dr. Mark Vander Meer - and that's a valid leadership model. That's a valid  pattern as as you have a startup, and then you have a plan succession and  those things, those are leadership issues. However, what they didn't take into  consideration, perhaps, or maybe you didn't either at the time or somewhere in  between. You were the relational guy. You were the man who said, Sure, let's  get everybody together. It's a big, happy family. Yes.  

Pastor Greg - So they didn't take to that part of my temperament that wants to  do it the right way, yes, because, and that caused conflict, because being  relational, there is still a right way that you have to approach things. Of course,  as a church grows and develop it, get so many opportunities available, and  many of them wanted me to like side with one group over another group about a decision and what I'd have to do. And oftentimes that frustrated them. That said,  allow me to pray about it and get God's direction on it, because I want to do it  the right way, which was not popular at all. They loved the relational pastor, but  they did not like the right way pastor at all.  

Dr. Mark Vander Meer - And certainly, and what often happens everybody is  that a person with his temperament, temperament mix at first, they come off  relational everybody's included, and it's a big, happy family, and he's like the  

party Greg is and Colette is, but right behind that, when it comes to decision or a project, then they go into their mode of right way details, and that can fool  people, because people are thinking, well, now wait a minute, I thought. I  thought you were a relational guy, Greg, Collette. I thought you were into the  party all the time, and we have a lot of fun with you, but now you want to get  serious about details and having an order with things. I don't understand that, 

but coming full circle, what Greg has come to see and in terms of role and how  he's wired as that as things progressed with his church. And just to give it in a  nutshell, unfortunately, there was a church split, and there were other things  going on, which was the choice of other people and places and things and well  God had other plans, and that's where God brought us into relationship. And  what happened was, is that I invited Greg to join our team as he was looking to  dissolve the church, unfortunately, because of things that had happened and  well, we all know what happens with church splits, but Greg finally started to  realize that the senior pastor role just was not him, that was not his bent, not  how he was meant to be. So tell me more, Greg, how again, give me your  sanguine, melancholy, sanguine, you know, fun way, relational way, right way,  and then relationally again, when it comes to family members and those  personal relationships, what did you discover as a pastor, and, of course, as a  leader of what you know in terms of team, and also joining our team and with  new community, church and community recovery? Well,  

Pastor Greg - I already had a passion, having accepted God's call to ministry.  Of course, you go through the process of discovering Lord where specifically,  what specialty or area of your vineyard do you want me to grow and to develop,  and when the opportunity, because of The church split where you and I, Dr  Mark, met and subsequently, through a series of events that that invitation was  extended, I here. I jumped on it because I knew as God's purpose for me and  plan for me to continue in ministry. But as you so eloquently and accurately  stated, I just didn't have an appetite for a senior pastor role. I wanted to be a  support role, you know. So when we came together by the providence of God, I  honestly believe it's the providence of God. Because prior to you coming to me  and I was already praying, Lord, give me some direction. Lead me, guide me  where you want me to be, because I know I'm not done. You're not done with  me. And so that invitation to do something very unique I've never even  imagined. Hey, let's come together and let's start a multicultural church. Okay? I  mean, my background, I grew up in the suburbs, you know? I've always had  multicultural experiences that fit right into where I believe God was leading me,  and also what I particularly prefer, because I love people, okay? I love all  people. And the most wonderful thing about it is that I don't have to be the  ultimate decision maker. Okay, that's what really appealed to me. I want to be  involved in ministry, but I don't want to make that ultimate decision because  working backward, that's what caused a lot of conflict that led to the split in the  church, because I didn't like being in that role to make the ultimate decider, you  know, because I knew it was going to hurt some people, and I don't like hurting  people. Oh no, you know. And so those are the tough things I said, Well, let me  leave that to someone else. So I was so glad to come along and be a part of not only community recovery, but new Community Church, I like when I met Pastor 

Lou Vander Meer, it's like the dad figure to me, my rescuer, my hero, saying yes, you take the lead. I'd love to be on your team and then working with you with  community recovery and that you are the executive director, so you lead the  way. But here's one thing you can count on. You have a guy that you know get  the work done and then get it done right, and then get it done thorough, that will  have actual outcomes that are measurable, that you can count on. But that's not where I'm led. That's not what I if someone asked me Mark to this day, would  you like me senior pastor again? Oh, no, I'll support your thing, but I'm happy.  And you know what's so funny, if you don't mind me saying I read a book by  Terry Nance, yeah, that was entitled God's armor bearer. And that impressed  me, because I thought, in my background, especially coming from Baptist  denomination, that to be effective in ministry, you had to be the senior pastor.  But Terry Nance, in his book, he was a support pastor, oh yeah. And he also  wrote books, and he said, with God never called me to senior pastor, but I will  be the greatest support for the senior pastor. I will be his armor bearer. I says,  hey, I can do that. And I would like to do that. So when the heat comes on, you  know, I go get the fan.  

Dr. Mark Vander Meer - true, and this gentleman has my back. I really, really,  thank God for him, and also for you, Colette, too. Thank you, and because you  both have this temperament pattern of relational, supportive, also team  mindedness that's very, very consistent, because we have to as we look at  teams and as we look at and not just in work, but also in life. It's, you know, God  has put us in because it's I Corinthians 12 talks about the body of Christ. And we look at that often, how the hand needs the foot, the head needs the eye and so  forth. And the ear is not the eye. Ear cannot see. The ear can hear. And you all  have discovered, too, how God has given you strengths that correlate with how  he's wired you, and as you step into those strengths, as you maximize those  strengths, as you get into that wiring, there's fulfillment, there's also peace,  there's also a minimization, if you will, of depression, of anxiety and these  things. And these are the practical applications. And I think you both, and it was  really special, because we know each other well, and we're able to, I think,  project and also communicate accurately how this plays out. And so Greg, as  you lead with me, but also Yes, as a decision maker. And as I mentioned in the  video before, when I explain temperament, I'm a choleric to begin with.  Cholerics, they usually make decisions quickly and are usually accurate and  correct, not all the time. I'm not perfect. No choleric is nobody is, however, as  God has given the cleric temperament to people as a dominant pattern decision  making, as Greg was pointing out, really needs to be with that executive  director, that senior pastor, that senior leader, to make those decisions and to  make those tough calls, but also to make the calls in general, where I need to  make the call, I will make the call if, and I understand that some people may not 

like it, but that's where you move forward. And God takes care of the rest, and  Greg is there too to kind of. Be in there. Let's say, for example, you have those  people who don't like the decision, but you're able to smooth things through.  Yeah, I bring the first aid kit. Yes, you do,  

Pastor Greg - for all the injuries that anyone would have suffered, whether  direct or indirect. I'm there as the support vehicle to comfort and console and to  help them to segue forward, regardless of and also to see the larger vision.  Oftentimes, when the decision is made, they don't understand that this is within  the framework of vision. You know the choleric as you know this better Mark  than I. I just know observing you and Pastor Lou that what is driving you is this  vision God has given you a burden. It must be fulfilled. And so then we come  along as a support to try to bring the people recognize the talent, plug in the  right people, but it always has to be vision centric, yeah, okay, we cannot  deviate, and that's why we support because we know this is not personal, it's  vision, because we know with the fulfillment of the vision, what they're after  individually will be collectively, shared with all. All will be blessed together,  

Dr. Mark Vander Meer - right? And so Colette, let's turn to your experience, and  we learned from Greg's experience and also from your experience. God put you  in a very unique place with a very influential businessman in Grand Rapids,  Michigan for many, many years. And prior to that, as you were growing up, and  now that you know how you're wired in different areas of relationships and work  and also personal relationships. You know that the relational, right way  relational, tell us how. You know from what, maybe a story or two, from when  you were growing up to then also working with Mr. Grutters, who the  businessman of what that how you learned quickly how that support, as Greg  was saying, played out in those different roles. And first as a daughter, and, of  course, as a sister, but also then as a executive assistant to a large company for many, many years,  

Collette - sure. Well, first of all, I love working with both of you. You both are  absolutely fabulous, and I'm very, very, very blessed. God has blessed me with  both of you, and we do have a dynamic team. Growing up, I had a an engineer  father and an accountant mother. And so I have a nerdy side to me, as I call it,  and that is the melancholy the right way, and but the other way, the fun way is  that comes out a lot as well. So my mother was a lot of fun. My dad was military, so I have a little bit of that in my background, and so blending those two  together has made me what I am today. When I was hired for the position of  accountant at this firm for a developer, very prominent family in Grand Rapids.  Basically, I was hired as an accountant. When I got my foot in the door, the  owner had asked me, within a couple months, he said, I love you. I love your 

temperament. I love your fun way, and I would like you not only to be the  executive assistant to myself, but a personal assistant to the family, while I had  not had any of that experience in my life through college. And so what happened is it was basically I started from ground zero and with the different  temperaments that I have, it blended into a wonderful 20 year position with this  family, and absolutely a lot of fun, lots of crazy stories. But as Dr Mark said, I like it the fun way. But when it comes to the work setting, it does have to be that right way, and it is very confusing for people, especially within the company that  thinks, oh, Coco or Colette is so much fun, and I want to be your best friend  while at work, I am focused on that goal, and it is very confusing to them but  with relationship, I love and I love deeply. I love you. I love pastor Greg, I love  our whole team that we work with, but I love them deeply, and I expect that in  return. I expect the same thing that I give out to be returned to me. I want you to  work as hard, and Greg to work as hard. We all have to work together in the  same manner. So it's an interesting blend, but learning you know my different  attributes that I have, it makes it successful. You know, in the end, basically  

Dr. Mark Vander Meer - Sure. Now there are a couple things about the  sanguine, melancholy blend. And first thing is, as we know and as I described in  the previous video, sanguine, relational people, they need to talk in order to  think so. Comment on that a minute, either one of you, as far as in order to talk  or to think out loud.  

Collette - I'm divorced, so I talk to my dog. Okay, no, but I do as Dr Mark had  mentioned, I feel that I am energized by talking, and I think most of the staff  members at the church when they see me coming, they want to duck in their  office, because I always have something to say. But I do. I love everyone deeply, and I and I do want to talk, and I always feel that I have something to say, but  maybe they don't  

Dr. Mark Vander Meer - well, and that that's because too the sanguine is the  extrovert. The sanguine draws energy from people and see and as this course  too, and I just want to weave this in everybody is that as we look at restorative  justice, as we look at domestic tranquility, not domestic violence, one of the  important things to understand as we get to know ourselves as we're made in  the image of God, Genesis 1:26 we also identify how that helps people who are  coming back into society from prison or jail or from rehabilitation centers  because of addiction and other things. We we all need help. We all need  restoration. This is part of it, and if we come to know who we are in the most  excellent way, as we learn about the wiring God has put in us and our  tendencies and our needs and our wants, this helps, helps us to restore each  one of us, individually and also collectively as a community in a more peaceful 

state to bring a peaceful or tranquil society that can, that wants to what God  wants, and to really promote civility and love and embrace all that Jesus taught.  And so this is a big part of it, too. So this, this is where the rubber meets the  road. Because, you know, as people are wired differently. They have different  needs, and they express it differently as different wants, they're expressed  differently based upon the mix. And so Greg coming back to you talk in order to  think. And yeah, and people talk about that too. As far as the whole extroversion  and gain energy from people.  

Pastor Greg - I really used to struggle being self conscious, and especially in  my prayer life with the Lord. Because since I love people, but I interact with  people, I draw energy, as you describe so accurately, from people. But then this  right way of mine, my talking aloud, in sometimes interacting with people, is to  get feedback so I can do it the right way. I often time, and I don't mean to, and  that's why it brought me in prayer, because God, am I using them? Is because,  since I want to do it the right way and I have the personality that loves to  connect with people, am I just trying to get feedback from them by talking out  loud or engaging them so I can do it the right way? Or am I genuinely  appreciating their relationship, you know, and I had to pray about that, because,  again, my ultimate goal is not to hurt anyone, but yet I want to do whatever task  it is. I have to do it right, and so I definitely need their feedback so I would often  times come up with. Different subjects, or whatever, whatever I'm working on,  and throw it out there, just so I can get feedback from them. You know, they  don't know, unwittingly, I'm trying to gain enough, you know, information that will  help me conclude that this is the best approach, certainly, yeah, but of course,  to, let's just look at at the fun way in general, you want to fun. And also,  

Dr. Mark Vander Meer - and, you know, if it's not fun, then why not, you know,  and it needs to be fun, and why not? And, but also to, it's where you're also  slapping ideas on the wall and, and you're but you know, you know where that's  headed at right at the moment. And you know they don't care about the details  and that mode, but then you flip to the melancholy part of you, and details,  details, details, yeah, yeah.  

Pastor Greg - And so I have moved very intensely Correct. Okay, that's why  some people will Who you talking to, and I'm talking aloud to my self because  I'm trying to work it out, you know, I have all these options, you know, and that's  what used to really put a strain in my personal relationship with the Lord, you  know. Why don't you just tell me what you want, you know, plain and simple,  right? Certainly, so you take all the guesswork out of it, you know. But then I  come to find out, as I mature in Christ, is that this is what brings me in close  proximity and keeps me in close proximity with him, that I may be able to hear 

his still, small voice and quiet some of my quote, unquote crazy but, you know,  I've got that balance now in my life that actually gets enveloped in one word  Wait. I have found waiting on the Lord. A lot of things will come to me, the right  people, the right approach, a lot of things just to quiet my spirit, you know, just to just to wait. And in that waiting, I'm describing Dr. Mark, Mark, my brother, whom I love, is, it's an active waiting, not a passive waiting. Whereas, you know,  someone would sit there, you know, bouncing their leg up and down, you know,  the things that we do, how we display waiting when we really don't want to wait.  But this is an active waiting that it's filled with expectation and anticipation, I  know that the God who called me to it is going to see me through it  

Dr. Mark Vander Meer - certainly. Now, one last thing, as we look at the three  areas, we also look at blending and Greg and Coco talked about how their  whole blend, and how the sanguine, for example, plays out the melancholy and  the melancholy plays out the sanguine, in other words, the fun way, playing out  the right way, and how people get confused, but then they Learn, and so on, but  also when they blend, that's also important too. And guys, I've, I've talked to you  about this as well, and and on the job as we go and and as I coach you, and as  we coach each other, but, but as I I'll often tell you, you want things to be  wonderful with people in terms of what you initiate and also what you expect. I  like that word expect expectation, what you expect back to you, but then right  behind it is right way, and when it blends in with a fun way you often, and if  things don't come together at certain times, where it's wonderful, where we're  okay and it's right, where things are in the right place, correct and not wrong,  you often will feel insecure and also feel angry, and also feel like I shouldn't say  I'm angry, you should say, I am hurt. I'm hurt now, friends, as you watch the  other video, this may remind you of another temperament pattern, the supine.  And I explain in that segment how the supine is the sanguine and the  melancholy, the fun way and the right way as one now with Greg and Colette,  they deal with moments certain times, not all the time, but certain times when,  when those two, the sanguine, the melancholy, when they blend. Then you have those moments where you you you tend to spiral a bit, and you say the least  Yeah, and you feel that insecurity, and you feel because then anxiety, and the  anxiety Yeah, and but, and where you need to learn where to say, No, I'm angry  because to get the anger out. Because you don't get the anger out, as we  looked at last video, it can turn into depression. And therefore, you know, people can't tell what's really going on underneath what's going on in you. In addition,  it's that whole thing of of you expecting other people, like myself to read your  mind, and I can't read your mind, but you should, but you're thinking, Oh, he  should just know what I need. You know he knows. So we learned this with each other, too. So have you had those moments with other people that not just  myself, as we work together? 

Collette - Yes, I have, definitely in the past, I have and through counseling, I've  learned to express that because being the nice person, the fun way, I didn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you a, b and c, So therefore I would hold it in, and  

then I was depressed. So I've learned over the years to Hey, when this  happened, that kind of hurt my feelings. So definitely verbally expressing or  emailing or texting, you know, nowadays. So I've learned that over the years. So those different little temperaments I've really learned to control,  

Dr. Mark Vander Meer - certainly, and what Collette is reflecting on is how,  through counseling and through other coaching, she's been able to integrate  and also build the strategies and build the tools and use the tools spiritually,  psychologically, mentally and socially to help her stay balanced. Enough, of  course, we all need Jesus with the Holy Spirit the way God has made you, he's  helped you to balance it out. And Greg, how about you? How  

Pastor Greg - come to find the purpose of hobbies, okay? Because when it  comes to me in moments of anger, I will turn to express it through my hobbies.  You know, I'm kind of tech savvy, so I will take on a project that I know is going  to be quite comprehensive and involved, and I have the temperament if I start a  project, I don't leave it until I complete it. So through fixing or working or  changing or whatever a project that I'm on, I get all my emotions out through  that. And then the wonderful thing of the success of the finished product project,  you know, especially when we're trying to fix a computer, you know, especially  I'm going angry from what I've had, and then it's just like, oh, it's like a challenge. So I'm like, meeting the challenges and finding different ways to get it done. If I  don't do that Mark that I have a tendency of withdrawing. And I would withdraw,  I'll get quiet, because in my head space, I'm believing that I caused some injury  to someone. I did something wrong, some kind of how, and I should basically  take myself out of the picture,  

Dr. Mark Vander Meer - certainly. And that's that self see, part of that, that  affect, I call it the supine effect. It's not all the time, because predominantly you  are sanguine. Then the melancholy, of course, is strong in your work, work  mode, and then, of course, sanguine in your deep relationships. But when you  have those supine moments. Yeah, that's where you want to withdraw, because  then you don't you think to yourself, I'm not worth dirt, right? But the truth is, you  are fearfully and wonderfully made by God. Thanks, guys. It has been amazing  to to just now unpack, but also present to the world what in fact, God has done  in your lives and how God's wired you, and help us learn how the wiring the  temperaments play out in every part of life. Thanks for watching, I look forward  to the next video as we come together again. God bless.