Video Transcript: Parents and Children

The second practical area of life to which the wisdom of the Old Testament  Scriptures has much to contribute is the matter of the relationship between  parents and their children. Many parents today have the mistaken notion that  the word no is inappropriate in parenting. And to be sure, no can be used too  frequently and indiscriminately. But sometimes negatives and restrictions are  necessary so that children may learn that their freedom has boundaries, and  that transgressing those boundaries has consequences. For if they do not learn  such things, nor ever experience the consequences of disobedience early in life  and from loving parents who, who have the long term welfare of their children in  mind, then they their family and their society will eventually pay the price for  their lack of self control. Let me just begin with a few proverbs that speak to the  issue of parental discipline, as one of the tools of loving parents. Proverbs  22:15, says Folly is bound up in the heart of a child but the rod of discipline will  drive it far from him. And Proverbs 13:24 says he who spares the rod hates his  son, but He who loves him is careful to discipline him. Now, whether or not the  rods spoken of here needs to be a literal one is debatable. And I don't want to do that at this time. But but the main point here is what the rod signifies, namely,  loving correction, guidance into appropriate behavior. And that can be done in  many ways. It may involve discomfort for sometimes discomfort is the only thing  that can get children to listen and be instructed in their appropriate behavior. But the most effective discomfort will vary according to the child. For one child, a  strong word is enough, while another may give attention only through the  removal of privileges or the assignment of unpleasant tasks, whatever the rod,  its use is goal oriented. It seeks to develop a godly person who is responsive to  the Lord and who walks in his ways. This means that all good discipline is  motivated by love of and delight in the one being corrected. Proverbs 13:24  speaks to that says he who loves his son, disciplines him. And that's an imitation of what God does according to Proverbs 3:12. The Lord disciplines those he  loves as a father, the son he delights in. Furthermore, good and loving discipline begins early and continues until children grow up enough to take responsibility  for their own lives. This early part is especially important for the earlier such  discipline begins, the more effective it is. As Proverbs 22:6 says. Train a child in  the way he should go, and when he's old, he will not turn from it. Conversely, the longer parents wait to discipline their children in the more accustomed children  becomes a living as they please, the more difficult correction becomes what is  just as true is that favorite proverb we just read is if you allow a child to live in  uncorrected foolishness, then when he's old, he'll probably still be living that  way. Our juvenile facilities, courts and jails are plugged with people who prove  that to be true. Here's what God told Moses to tell Israel's adults not only about  their responsibility to remember the Lord's commands for themselves, but also  to pass them on God's commands to their children and future generations.  Deuteronomy 6:4-12. Hear, O Israel, the LORD our God, the Lord is one. Love 

the Lord, your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and with all your  strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your heart,  impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home when  when you walk along the road and when you lie down. And when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them  on the doorframes of your houses, and on your gates. When the Lord your God  brings you into the land he swore to your fathers to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob  to give you a land with large flourishing cities you did not build houses, filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide wells you did not dig and vineyards  and olive groves who did not plant. Then when you eat and are satisfied, be  careful that you do not forget the Lord who brought you out of Egypt, out of the  land of slavery. And now, jumping to verses 20 to 24. Continuing in the future,  when your son asks you What's the meaning of the stipulations and decrees and laws, the Lord our God has commanded you tell him, we were slaves of  Pharaoh in Egypt, but the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand.  before our eyes, the Lord sent signs and wonders Great and Terrible on Egypt  and Pharaoh and his whole household. But he brought us out from there to bring us in, and give us the land he promised on oath to our ancestors. The Lord  commanded us to obey all these decrees in the fear the Lord our God, so we  might always prosper and be kept alive. As is the case today. These instructions  and warnings about keeping faith alive and strong, were often repeated for  Israel and elaborated on. After all, even if the generation that experienced the  miracles associated with Israel's exodus from Egypt, who would not forget the  Lord, which itself was a stretch for that generation of hard hearted people. But  even if they would not forget what God had done for them, and how he wanted  them to live, their children and grandchildren would, unless God's  commandments were indelibly impressed upon them. And there are so many  things that make this task difficult for most among them as a sinful human  nature. We've spoken of this in some detail in previous lectures, but it bears  repeating. Because of sin we are not creatures who if left to our own devices will eventually find a way to become the best we can be. Rather, if left to our own  devices, and without God's help, we will eventually find a way to become the  worst we can be. personal lives and interpersonal relationships tend to  deteriorate like neglected houses, unless conscious and consistent attention is  given to maintaining and improving them. This passage from Deuteronomy 6  singles out a couple of things that are destructive to remembering the Lord and  His commands. Materialism. Materialism is one. There's something about  having a full stomach and lots of possessions that can make you forget that  everything you have is a gift of God. Prosperity cannot only make you forgetful it can also make you careless so that you turn from worshiping the Lord to  worshiping his gifts. And so when God blesses you by giving you a home,  Moses says, Do not forget the Lord who brought you out of the land of slavery. 

Another faith destroyer implicated in Deuteronomy 6 is in neglect of history  lessons. The children who grew up in a prosperous new land to which God was  bringing his people would not have been through the desert, they would not  have crossed over the flooding Jordan River on dry ground would not have seen the walls of Jericho fall. And that's why God emphasized the constant retelling of Israel's journey to the next generation. You can only understand the present in  light of the past, then as now in a society or family which shuns or neglects a  story of how God has come through in the past, is fighting a losing battle in the  present. We can identify other faith destroyers in our day. A secular educational  system is one. If parents leave the education of their children entirely to others,  especially other non Christians. They not only fail to follow the instructions of  Deuteronomy about positive godly instruction, but they allow instruction in an  opposite religion as well. For secular public schools, as good as they may be,  academically are not allowed to promote Christ centered learning but they're  allowed and encouraged to spread the idea that what is essential for students to know can be taught without religion. Next, we mentioned modern media,  television and radio is especially effective at promoting popular culture, much of  which is contrary to Christian living. Much of what we read and hear tells us that  the purpose for our existence, perhaps pleasure or one's personal preferences  and habits, which can be judged by no one else and by no absolute standard of  morality. If people were to judge only by what they see on TV shows in the news magazines they might think, but all but a minuscule portion of pastors were  perverts perverts that all but a few Christians were fanatics racists are  hypocrites, that anyone's still against homosexuality is ignorant and pitiable. And that Jesus is simply a word to express surprise or anger. Simple busyness can  also be destructive to the parental task - busyness that keeps us addressing the  loudest and most urgent, rather than the important matters of life. Many  important things like faith, family and friendship will suffer neglect for a while but  will deteriorate without serious intention and leave us in the end with nothing of  lasting value. All of these things I mentioned and more, can prevent godly  parents from fully answering God's call to impress God's commands on their  children, and thereby result in significant parental regrets. To be Sure, not every  instance of loss of faith in the next generation is because of parental failure. But  I wonder how many of those parents who heard or later read Moses words in  Deuteronomy 6 ended up with regrets over their failure to adequately nurture  their children in the fear of the Lord. I'm pretty sure that one who did so was a  priest Eli, who was entrusted with a nurture of little Samuel toward the end of the time of the judges. Eli seems to have done well with Samuel but not so much  with his own sons Hophni and Phinehas. Although they were priests in Israel I  Samuel 2:12, says they were scoundrels who had no regard for the Lord. But it  seems that Eli was at least partly complicit in their actions because God asked  him in verse 29, why you scorn my sacrifice and offering that I prescribed for my 

dwelling? Why do you honor your sons more than me, by fattening yourselves  on the choice parts of every offering made by my people Israel. Years later,  Samuel himself had a similar problem with his sons. I Samuel 8:3 says his sons  did not follow his way. They turned aside after dishonest gain and accepted  bribes and perverted justice. So Samuel had appointed them as his successors  in leading Israel. And in fact, it was that very appointment that prompted the  elders of Israel to ask Samuel to appoint a king. Instead to lead them. That king  turned out to be Saul, who ironically had at least one son Jonathan, who is far  more godly than his father. I'll mention just one more prominent biblical  character David, who had ended up with several sons who apparently did not  take to heart the lessons that God took such pains to help Israel remember, one  son, Amnon raped his half sister Tamar. Another son Absalom, who is Tamar's  brother, schemed, and waited for two years and then had Amnon murdered in  revenge. Later on, Absalom misused his position and popularity to lead a revolt  against his father and even would have killed God's anointed king given the  chance. And third son Adonijah also tried to seize Israel's throne toward the end  of David's life. Now, David's sons were adults at the time and responsible for  their own actions. Nor was their behavior unusual among royal families of that  day. But Israel's family's Royal and otherwise, were expected to be different.  And David undoubtedly had some things to regret with with regard to how he  done in schooling his children in the worship of and obedience to the Lord and  with a heart for what God was doing for and with Israel. One problem in this  whole educational process was David's own moral failings. In the custom of the  kings of his day he had several wives. I'd say this was a custom of his day, but it was not the will of God. In fact, God had specifically warned Israel's kings not to  acquire great numbers of horses and silver or gold or take many wives so they  would not be sidetracked in their service to God. In this in Deuteronomy 17:16- 17. The Bible does say that David had himself had a heart for the Lord, but  you've got to wonder how many of his family problems were traceable to the  difficulties inherent in maintaining a harem and raising the children of multiple  mothers. And then there was more avert failure. For example, the time that  David at home in the palace while his army was off fighting a war, saw and  coveted the beautiful Bathsheba. He had her brought to him for sex, and when  she later sent word that she'd become pregnant by him he tried to get her  soldier husband to come home on leave, so he would have relations with his  wife from think the child to be his own. When those plans failed, David had her  husband killed and added Bathsheba to his harem. Although David later  repented of his sin, he still had to live with the consequences of his actions. One of which was the example he had set for his children. A parents impurity is like  poison in the home. So the best way to prevent poisoning children is parental  purity. Not a guarantee, but it's one of the best tools parents have. Another of  David's failures was his passivity with regard to the discipline of his children. We

can infer this from how David responded to the actions of his grown children.  When Amnon raped Tamar, David did nothing. II Samuel 13:21 says he was  furious, but did not act. It was the same later when Absalom killed Amnon. David did not act nor did David act against Adonijah. Unless until pressured to do so  by Bathsheba. Surely these are indications of David's previous neglect in  fulfilling God's instructions given in Deuteronomy 6. Admittedly, it couldn't have  been easy for David to consistently parent and discipline all of his children from  multiple wives. But his own moral failures, coupled with his passivity, made the  job even harder. Hopefully, Christian parents today can do better, despite the  many elements of our modern world that make it difficult to fulfill God's  continuing expectation for them to impress God's commandments and priorities  on their children. Let me put it as clearly as I can. Parents owe to God, a  Christian education for the children God has given them. Maybe I said that  parents owe their children a Christian school education. Well, that's certainly  worth considering. But even at best a Christian education cannot be passed off  to any Christian school or church. whatever means they use Christian parents  owe to God an education that teaches their children how to love and serve  Jesus Christ in every matter of life. Make no mistake, a truly Christian education  is expensive. It requires a lot of time and energy and sometimes money too. It  often means saying no to things you would like to do or buy for yourself so that  you'll have the resources necessary to nurture your children in the love and  service of Jesus Christ. Eventually, of course, children will decide for themselves whether or not to serve the Lord. But until they reach that time, those to whom  God has entrusted those children must definitely not give them the idea that  people are free and independent agents who decide and control their own  destiny. Or the idea that what other people think of us is more important than  what God thinks of us. I'm not sure that children and youth are more affected by  peer pressure than adults. But the biblical truth is that it's not more important for  us to be happy or well adjusted whatever we think that means, than for us to be  wholehearted servants of Jesus Christ. Because in the long run, no one can  experience true joy or be truly well adjusted, if they are not in Christ. Much of  what God wants the next generation to learn will be taught by example. And the  best way I know to rear children who are stand for God against peer pressure is  for their parents, to exemplify a lifestyle based on the Word of God and not on  societal standards, the best way I know to rear children who who share the  gospel in their testimony is for them to see their parents do this. The best way I  know to rear a generation of believers who handle their money, according to  God's wisdom is for their parents to model godliness in the area of finances. The truth for each of us in this unless Jesus Christ makes a difference in your life, he isn't in your life. If your lifestyle isn't a little different, if your priorities don't exhibit  some fairly major differences from those of your non Christian friends, then what good is your Christianity? But of course, verbal instruction is good too. God 

wants us to use all possible means to educate the next generation in the fear of the Lord. And one more thing that us involves more than parents too, no one in  Israel would have argued against the primary responsibility of the parents for  their children. But everyone also recognized that it was not their responsibility  alone. The whole community of God fearing servants was to have a hand in  raising the next generation of God fearing servants. And this is still true today.  Although the church the body of Jesus Christ as other important functions,  evangelizing the lost, developing the creation, to the glory of God, and so on.  One of its primary functions remains making sure that the children of our  fellowship, learn to love and obey God. Let me just conclude this lecture with  God's intentions as Psalm 78:5-8 express them. He decreed statutes for Jacob  and established the law in Israel which he commanded our ancestors to teach  their children so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to  be born, and they in turn would tell their children, then they would put their trust  in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands. They  would not be like their ancestors, a stubborn and rebellious generation, whose  hearts were not loyal to God, whose spirits were not faithful to him.