Deciding for Engagement: A Guide for the Couple - A Letter From the Romance Officiant

Deciding If You're Ready for Engagement: A Guide for the Couple

Dear Couple,

As you stand at the threshold of a significant decision in your relationship, it's essential to approach the prospect of engagement and marriage with thoughtful consideration and spiritual discernment. This guide, crafted with love and care, aims to help you navigate this crucial relationship phase. Below, you'll find a checklist of 25 aspects to reflect on, designed to facilitate deep conversations and introspection on whether you are ready to take a step toward engagement and, eventually, marriage.

1. Understanding of Marriage

Do you both have a clear, biblical understanding of marriage? Marriage is a covenant, not just a contract (Ephesians 5:31-32). Sharing a mutual understanding of its sanctity and lifelong commitment is vital.

2. Spiritual Compatibility

How aligned are you in your faith and spiritual practices? Spiritual unity is crucial for a Christian marriage, as it forms the foundation of your family (2 Corinthians 6:14).

3. Communication

Evaluate the quality of your communication. Can you discuss your feelings, dreams, and fears openly and respectfully? Effective communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship (James 1:19).

4. Conflict Resolution

Consider how you resolve conflicts. Can you reach resolutions that strengthen your relationship, or do conflicts drive a wedge between you? (Ephesians 4:26-27).

5. Family Backgrounds

Understand the influence of your family background. How do your families' dynamics, traditions, and beliefs impact your relationship? (Genesis 2:24).

6. Personal Goals and Ambitions

Do your individual goals and ambitions complement each other? Are you supportive of each other's dreams? (Amos 3:3).

7. Financial Management

Discuss your financial values, habits, and goals. Are you financially responsible and transparent with each other? (Proverbs 22:7).

8. Children and Parenting

Share your desires and expectations regarding children. Discuss your views on parenting styles and the values you wish to instill in your children (Psalm 127:3-5).

9. Intimacy and Physical Affection

Consider your views and expectations regarding intimacy and physical affection. Are you comfortable discussing and respecting each other's boundaries? (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).

10. In-Law Relationships

Talk about your expectations for relationships with your in-laws. Are you prepared to honor and respect each other's families? (Ephesians 6:2-3).

11. Social and Recreational Activities

Do you enjoy mutual activities? How do you plan to balance couple time with individual interests and friendships? (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).

12. Household Responsibilities

Have you discussed expectations around household chores and responsibilities? Are you both willing to share these duties equitably? (Ephesians 5:21).

13. Crisis Management

Reflect on how you handle crises or significant life changes. Are you able to support and lean on each other during challenging times? (Romans 12:12).

14. Health and Wellness

Discuss your attitudes towards health, fitness, and wellness. Are you committed to supporting each other's health and well-being? (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

15. Personal Growth and Development

Consider how you influence each other's personal growth. Do you encourage and challenge each other to grow spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually? (Proverbs 27:17).

16. Privacy and Independence

Reflect on your need for privacy and independence. Are you comfortable with giving and receiving space in the relationship? (Genesis 2:18).

17. Trust and Security

Evaluate the level of trust and security you feel in the relationship. Do you both act in ways that build trust and provide security? (Proverbs 31:11).

18. Values and Ethics

Discuss your core values and ethics. Are your fundamental beliefs and moral compasses in alignment? (Philippians 2:2).

19. Expectations of Marriage

Clarify your expectations of marriage. Are they realistic, and do they align with biblical principles? (Colossians 3:18-19).

20. Commitment Level

Assess the depth of your commitment to each other. Are you both equally committed to facing life's challenges together? (Ruth 1:16-17).

21. Respect and Admiration

Consider the level of respect and admiration you have for each other. Do you genuinely respect and value each other's character and abilities? (1 Peter 3:7).

22. Lifestyle Choices

Reflect on your lifestyle choices, including habits and routines. Are they compatible, or can you find compromises where necessary? (1 Corinthians 10:31).

23. Cultural and Ethnic Backgrounds

Discuss how your cultural and ethnic backgrounds influence your relationship. Are you both open and respectful of each other's heritage? (Revelation 7:9).

24. Leisure and Downtime

Talk about your preferences for leisure and downtime. Do you have shared interests, and how do you plan to spend quality time together? (Mark 6:31).

25. Future Vision

Share your vision for the future. Do your long-term goals for your life together align with each other and with God's purpose for marriage? (Jeremiah 29:11).

Conclusion

This checklist is designed to be a starting point for deep, meaningful conversations about your future together. Marriage is a journey that requires mutual love, respect, and submission to God's will. As you reflect on these aspects, pray for wisdom and guidance (James 1:5). Remember, the goal is not to achieve perfection but to build a strong, God-centered foundation for your life together.

May God bless you with clarity, unity, and joy as you discern your path forward.

In Christ's Love,

[Your Romance Officiant]