Video Transcript: Questions That Open the Soul

Questions that Open the Soul

❓ Asking Spirit-Led Questions

Henry: So today we're now going to really focus on that theme of asking questions in Spirit-led encounters. Let’s get practical and talk about questions that actually open the soul.

🎯 Session Objectives

Here’s our objective:

• Understand the power of well-timed questions

• Explore how questions reveal soul-level realities

• Practice crafting Spirit-led, open-ended questions

• Learn from Jesus’ coaching style

Here we go.

🧬 Questions and Our Free Will

Henry: So—questions on our free will. Why do questions matter?

Okay, let’s stop on free will.

We have the Garden of Eden.
We have God creating Adam and Eve, placing them in this garden, and they are organic humans. They’re not synthetic robots with a turn-off switch.

🤔 Self-Determination and Mystery

Steve: They actually… yeah. They have some self-consciousness and self-determination—something. And it’s a mystery, yeah?

Henry: I mean, we don’t know the day of our birth or the day of our death. But we also believe, from a Christian and philosophical perspective, that God made male and female.
We know all of those things. So there are things that seem somewhat determined, yeah?

🕊 God Gives Us Agency

Steve: But then He creates us—and gives us real agency.

Henry: Yeah.

Steve: To love Him or not love Him.
To choose this or don’t choose that.

And questions honor free will.

☕ Why Questions Matter

Steve: If I had no free will, then your question is irrelevant.
Would you like… has nothing to do with whether I like anything or not. I’m just going to do whatever I’m going to do.

So asking me tomorrow morning, “Would you like coffee?”—
It’s already determined what’s going to happen with my coffee, and it has nothing to do with your question.

Henry: Right, right.

Steve: But we think it does. And it does matter.
We're telling someone that it matters—that you have agency.

You can actually do something about your life.

That’s what we’re saying when we ask a question.

Asking Questions Builds Connection

Steve: You know, in some ways, if you want to have friends and influence people...

Henry: ...you'd really want to take this class and start—and again, not for selfish gain—

Steve: No—

Henry: ...but just to really—right—you would really start helping people change, just by helping them.

Steve: Yeah. You honor people, and people like to be honored. So your friendship circle would widen.
And this is not normal, right?

🧍‍♂️ A Real-Life Example from Church

Steve: I know my wife and I talk about this all the time. We’ll go to churches, you know, we’ll visit a church—we don’t know anyone there.
And afterwards, you know, we’ll have coffee. And I will literally ask the person I’m talking to at least 20 questions:

“Who are you?”
“Where are you from?”
“How’d you get to this church?”
Whatever.

I ask 20 questions—and they will not ask me one. Not one.

Henry: Now, how do I feel when you have zero interest in my life?

Steve: Yeah, that’s what it says.
But if I ask you 20 questions, it says I’m really fascinated by you—
and people love that because no one’s ever asked me why I have this accent, or why—
you know—how I got to this church, or what—
Let me tell you this story, because I’ve been dying to tell this story.

😔 A Sad Reality

Henry: And as you say this, how I feel is a little sad, honestly.

Steve: Yeah.

Henry: That, as Christians—
actually, Christianity is not the issue.
It’s oftentimes we block the mission by our inability to just ask questions—
open up these hearts.

Breaking the Cycle

Steve: But, you know, we’re sort of in a chicken-and-the-egg thing:
I don’t ask questions because no one asks me any questions, right?

No one has asked me anything about my life in the last six months,
and so I’m feeling insecure about everything,
and now I’m supposed to ask someone else?

I’m thinking about my need, I’m not thinking about how I can meet your need.
So, but we’re all sitting there in that needy spot—
you know, we’re looking at each other. We both need somebody to say something.

Henry: So we need to...

Steve: So, in other words—in some way, as a ministry coach, you can break the cycle.

If you could just ask a few questions,
you might unlock someone else’s:

“I’m loved enough. Maybe I can ask someone else a few questions.”

☕ The Atheist at the Country Club

Steve: Today at the country club, we met a person who I had met,
and that person, when finding out I was a minister, immediately said:

“Yes, I studied biology. I’m an atheist.”

Henry: Yeah.

Steve: So he came up and I introduced Steve.
And Steve said, Yeah, we talked for like an hour.

Henry: No, I didn’t talk. He talked.

Steve: But you know what I did, right?

Henry: You asked questions.

Steve: Yes. And then, with all of those questions, I’d throw in just a couple little things like:

“Oh, do you think woodpeckers are just, like—you know, they’re made to shut their eyes every time they peck? And that’s not a design? I have a hard... you know...”

So I just dropped in a few...

Henry: “So what do you think about that?”

Steve: Right. So he had said he’s now moved from atheism to agnostic.

Henry: Yes, exactly.

Steve: We don’t—you know—but you know there’s a space.

Henry: Yeah, he’s made his little move. And you gave him space to do it.

Steve: Right, right.

Henry: In fact, he felt honored.

🧠 The Power of a Good Question

Henry: So now we want to ask what makes a good question?

And this is from Coaching for Christian Leaders, and we’re just so grateful that we’ve been able to learn so much from a variety of sources.
But this idea of a good question: It doesn't judge, it doesn't shame, it doesn't direct.

🚫 What a Good Question Is Not

Steve: So what’s an example of a shaming question?

Henry: Why would you do something like that?

Steve: That’s a good one.

Henry: Or—What were you thinking?

Steve: Why would you say that to your wife?

Henry: Yeah—Don’t you know better?

Steve: That’s not really a question.

Henry: That’s a judgment disguised as a question.

Steve: Yeah, and when you feel judged, you do not want to open up.
You will start managing the coach, rather than being honest with the coach.

💡 A Good Question...

Henry: So now we move into what makes a good question.

A good question...

• ...is simple

• ...is open-ended

• ...is curious

• ...and invites reflection

Steve: So instead of saying why did you do that?, maybe it’s:

What were you hoping for when you made that decision?

🗝️ Opening the Soul Gently

Henry: Right. Or instead of what were you thinking?, maybe:

What was going on in your heart at that time?

Steve: That’s a great one.
That invites someone to go a little deeper, not just explain the facts, but explore the why beneath the what.

Henry: Or even—How did that make you feel?

Steve: Yes, classic.

Henry: So those open-ended, gentle questions unlock the soul.

👂 Listening and Asking

Steve: And then you’re listening—not just for content, but for tone, emotion, gaps, and then your question reflects that:

I noticed you paused when you talked about your brother. What’s going on there?

Henry: Yes, that’s it.
Or—You mentioned your mom twice—how is that relationship today?

Gentle Curiosity in Questions

Steve: And sometimes people will test a phrase. They’ll say it to you in a question form like…

I don’t know… maybe I’m just angry all the time?

Henry: Yeah.

Steve: So then you could say…

Tell me more about that. Where’s that anger coming from?

Henry: Because what they’re really saying is: “I’m scared to say I’m angry all the time.”

Steve: Yes. Or they’ll say…

Maybe I just don’t care anymore?

And that’s another testing statement. So rather than judging that or immediately correcting it, just say:

What’s making you feel that way right now?

🧭 The Role of Spirit-Led Listening

Henry: That’s where Spirit-led listening really comes into play. Because you're paying attention to what’s underneath the words—not just reacting to them.

Steve: Yes. It’s honoring the person’s process, but also inviting them to go deeper.

Henry: And sometimes, silence is your best tool. When someone says something deep, you don’t have to fill that space. Just wait.

🤔 Reflective Questions and Scripture

Steve: Also, don't forget, you can ask:

Are there any Scriptures that come to mind about that?

And they might say something that surprises both of you.

Henry: Right. And then you can follow up with:

Why do you think that particular verse came to mind?

It can lead to real spiritual insight that neither of you were expecting.

🎯 Practice Crafting Spirit-Led Questions

Henry: So let's review a few principles for crafting Spirit-led questions:

• Stay open-ended.

• Stay curious.

• Stay humble.

• Leave space for reflection.

• Test the Spirit—not the person.

• Invite them into discovery—not into defense.

🙋‍♂️ Asking Opens the Soul

Steve: The question is the most powerful tool of ministry coaching.
It’s not correction, it’s not a lecture—it’s a question.

Henry: Yeah.
Because even a question that feels a little confronting still leaves the person in control of their answer.

Steve: Right!
You could say:

Do you think you’ve really forgiven them?

That’s kind of a strong question—but they can answer however they want.
It’s still their voice.

Questions That Reflect, Not Accuse

Henry: That’s why it’s not judgmental—it’s reflective.
The question gives them a mirror.

Steve: Yes. And I think the more we practice this, the more we realize:

“This isn’t about me fixing anyone.”

It’s about giving people the space to encounter God’s voice through their own story.

🕯️ Creating a Holy Space

Henry: And that’s what makes minister coaching different.
It’s a holy space, not just a smart space.

Steve: That’s good.
It’s not about getting someone to a decision.
It’s about making room for the Holy Spirit to lead the conversation.

Henry: So, to wrap this part—questions are more than tools.
They are invitations to soul-level transformation.

Steve: And when asked with humility, respect, and prayer, they become acts of love.

From Transaction to Transformation

Henry: Okay, so let’s now look at the objective:
Understand the role of reflection in coaching.
Explore the power of summarizing.
Practice reflective listening techniques.
Learn how to discern spiritual shifts through reflection.

Steve: Reflection—it's not just parroting back.
It’s listening so well you can summarize something they didn’t even fully hear in themselves.

Henry: Yeah.
It’s a real gift when someone feels heard so well that your reflection helps them gain insight.

What Is Reflective Listening?

Steve: So, what do we mean by reflective listening?

Henry: Well, it’s more than “You said this.”
It’s saying, “It sounds like what you’re feeling is this…” or “What I’m hearing is…”
You’re reflecting back their heart, not just their words.

Steve: Exactly.
You’re summarizing the emotion, the meaning, the depth.
That takes empathy, not just ears.

⚖️ Balance of Spirit and Skill

Henry: And again, this is something the Holy Spirit helps with.
Because sometimes, you’re going to reflect something, and they’ll say:

“Wow… I didn’t even realize that’s what I was really saying.”

Steve: That’s when you know the Holy Spirit is at work.
It’s not manipulation—it’s discernment.

🧠 Practice, Not Perfection

Henry: You won’t always get it right.
You might reflect something and the person says:

“No, that’s not what I meant at all.”

That’s okay!

Steve: Yeah, you just say, “Thanks for clarifying—tell me more.”
It’s a conversation, not a courtroom.

Henry: So reflective listening is a form of ministry.
It’s sacred work.
You are helping someone see their own heart, and hopefully hear God in it.

Steve: And like we’ve said from the beginning—it all begins with listening.

🧰 Coaching Toolbox: Spirit-Led Questions

Henry: So let’s go into the next section:
The Coaching Toolbox: Spirit-Led Questions.

Steve: We’ve talked about listening, reflection, discernment…
Now we shift into actual tools—questions.

💡 The Power of a Great Question

Henry: A well-timed, Spirit-led question can shift everything.

Steve: Yeah. It can open a door that’s been locked for years.
Sometimes it’s not a profound question—it’s just the right one at the right time.

📋 Sample Spirit-Led Questions

Henry: So let’s go through a few examples.

• “What do you sense God might be saying to you in this situation?”

• “What would obedience look like right now?”

• “What is the Holy Spirit prompting in you?”

• “What are you avoiding that God might want you to face?”

Steve: See, these questions are open-ended.
They don’t lead the person to a specific answer—they invite the person to listen to God.

🎯 Questions That Invite Transformation

Henry: The goal here isn’t information—it’s transformation.
We’re not trying to get data from people.
We’re trying to help them encounter God.

Steve: And that’s why this is ministry, not just coaching.

🛑 Don’t Hijack the Process

Henry: And we have to be careful not to hijack it.

Steve: Right. If I ask a great question and then immediately fill the silence with my thoughts—I’ve just stolen the moment.

Henry: Let the Holy Spirit do the work.
Ask it… then be quiet.

🙋‍♂️ Jesus, the Master of Questions

Henry: Let’s look at Jesus. He didn’t give lectures; He asked questions.

Steve: Right. He was the master of asking questions that got to the heart of things.

Henry: “Who do you say I am?”
“What do you want me to do for you?”
“Why are you afraid?”

Steve: Each question pierced the heart. It wasn’t about trapping someone—it was about inviting someone.

🧠 Coaching with Jesus’ Mindset

Henry: So as minister coaches, we’re walking in the mindset of Jesus.

Steve: We’re not pushing. We’re inviting.
We’re not giving lectures. We’re listening, and we’re wondering with them.

🧭 Final Thoughts on Spirit-Led Questions

Henry: So, remember:

• Ask open-ended questions.

• Be led by the Holy Spirit.

• Stay silent after asking.

• Trust that God is doing more than you can see.

Steve: And don’t be afraid of a question that might seem too simple.
It might be just the one God uses.

🙏 Wrap-Up & Next Steps

Henry: In the next session, we’ll look at what it means to walk alongside someone in accountability and action.
What does it look like to support them—not just in conversation—but in next steps?

Steve: It’s about moving from discovery to transformation.

Henry: See you there.

🗣️ Reflective Questions Create Space

He thinks you feel pretty good that he made that little moment.
Yes, he does. He does. He feels really good.
In fact, this weekend, I hope we'll have the opportunity—you and I—to talk to him more.
But what do we mean? We talk to hear his story more. Right?

Questions matter because they invite reflection. That’s what we’re talking about—not resources.
Yes, they shift the conversation from advice to discovery.

Jesus often led with questions, not commands.
Even when He gave a command, He started with a question.

📜 Examples from Jesus

What about commandments?
Remember the rich young ruler? What are the commandments?
At the end, He says: “Well, go do them.”
Some other examples:
“Do you want to be made well?”
“Who do you say I am?”
“Why are you afraid?”
“What do you want me to do for you?”

You’ll be surprised when you start noticing them during devotions—even questions like:
“Do you have a brother?”
These questions open space.

Try asking:

• Where are you struggling in your life?

• What is one thing you’d like to see different in your life?

• What’s one change you’d like in your life?

• What do you want?

• When do you want it?

• Do you think it’s possible?

• Do you have hope?

Powerful questions.

💭 Types of Soul-Opening Questions

Reflective – “What’s stirring in your heart?”
Most people aren’t used to reflective questions. We usually ask things like, “Where are you going? Are you married?”
We don’t typically ask, “What’s stirring in your heart?”

Clarifying – “What do you mean by that?”
These questions are designed to keep the person talking. The more they talk, the more you learn about their real world and struggles.
Before you give any advice (if you give advice at all), get the full picture. They need to tell you. They need to feel understood.

And then there’s Future-Oriented – “What would healing look like?”
That’s a big one. People often haven’t thought that far. This question slows things down and invites them to reflect.

🧑‍🤝‍🧑 Ministry Coaching Is Not Counseling

Sometimes, ministry coaching feels like counseling—but it’s not.
In counseling, you’re often analyzing the past to discover causes.
In ministry coaching, you’re helping people process their life in light of the Word of God and the grace mirror.

You’re not getting paid for 10 years of long conversations. You’re going to cut to the chase.
It’s not about convincing someone they’re okay. It’s about truth, grace, and movement.

🕊️ Spirit-Led Coaching

Spirit-led questions go beyond techniques.
They stir conviction.
They invite deeper surrender.
Prayerful listening precedes powerful asking.

Avoid leading or fixing.
Don’t ask to corner, fix, or manipulate:
“Have you tried...?”
“Why don’t you...?”
“The Bible says you should...”

We were trained that way—told what to say. But ministry coaching is different.

🔍 The Ministry of Curiosity

Curiosity is sacred—rooted in compassion.
Ask because you care, not because you’re curious.

People bloom when they feel safe to explore their story.
That’s the key: safe.

One of the stories I included in the case study later on really shows that. It’s gritty—PG-13 even—but it’s real life.
People need safety to open up.
If at any point I had made them feel unsafe, the process would’ve collapsed.

🧠 Curiosity That Honors

Try asking:

• “What would it mean for you to forgive?”

• “What’s the story behind that belief?”

• “Why do you feel stuck?”

• “What is God showing you right now?”

Or, when someone shares a verse:

• “Why do you think God put that verse on your heart?”

Let them reflect. That’s when the incredible stories come out.

🎯 A Practical Example

I’ve asked young men to give a 5-minute testimony or sermon.
Instead of grading them, I ask:
“Talk about the most significant event in your life and the verse that helped you.”
Every single one hits it out of the park—because it’s real, raw, and powerful.

🧭 Conclusion: Questions That Heal

“Counsel in the heart of man is like deep waters, but a man of understanding will draw it out.” —Proverbs 20:5

That’s the verse that should be on your coach’s card.
Your questions may draw out the very thing God wants to heal. 💡