🧭 Three Coaching Styles in Ministry: One Size Doesn’t Fit All

Yeah, so we're back.

Now it's time to make sense of the various coaching styles.

In some ways, we’ve been discussing with you essentially one style. And it is the main style, which is why we spent so much time on it.

But now we’re going to introduce:

✅ The name for the style we’ve been using
✅ Two other coaching styles

So in total: three different coaching styles.

🎯 Objectives

• Identify the three core coaching styles

• Learn when to apply each one

• Discern client readiness and Holy Spirit prompting

💬 Why Coaching Styles Matter

Why do we have three different styles?

Because:

“One size does not fit all.”

• Different people

• Different sessions

• Different seasons of life

Adaptability is the key to effective ministry.

And remember:

Coaching style flows from your posture, not your personality.

It flows out of what a person needs in a given situation.

1️⃣ Non-Directive Coaching (The Foundational Style)

This is the style we’ve been using and discussing the most.

We’re not running the show.
We’re not telling them what to do.

We’re:

• Listening

• Asking

• Reflecting

The client leads.
The coach stays curious and supportive.

🧠 When to Use Non-Directive Coaching

Best when:

• Trust is building

• A story is unfolding

• The client doesn’t know what to do

• They are confused or uncertain

• They are spiritually tender or wounded

“Why do you think you’re a horrible parent?”

You’re not offering clarity for them.
You’re helping them discern their clarity.

This is a Spirit-guided discovery process.

2️⃣ Semi-Directive Coaching

Now, this is a different style.
We’ve hinted at it—but now we’re naming it.

The focus here is on:

• Guiding

• Sharing

• Inviting

The coach offers gentle suggestions.

🛠️ When to Use Semi-Directive Coaching

Use this when the client:

• Asks for biblical wisdom

• Is exploring next steps

• Has begun to clarify his or her goals

• Needs resources or context to make decisions

You might say:

“There’s a course on parenting—maybe that could help you get some tools, and then we can come back and talk through what you want to do with what you learn.”

You're not saying what they should do—but you are:

• Offering guideposts

• Sharing scripture, analogies, or insights

• Helping them gain tools they don't yet have

🎹 Illustration: Playing the Piano

Someone says:

“I want to learn piano.”

You don't say:

“Just figure it out.”

You might ask:

“What do you want to use the piano for?”

Then, based on their answer, you gently guide with options.

🔄 Transitioning Between Styles

Q: How do you know when to move from non-directive to semi-directive?

A: You have to be:

• Gentle

• Clear with the client

• Transparent about the shift

Let them know:

“I’ve been letting you guide everything. But now, I’m sensing that it might help to offer a little structure or suggestion. Would you be open to that?”

You're:

• Creating a boundary

• Making it self-aware

• Asking permission to change your approach

You're not just imposing direction.
You're gently offering and respecting their agency.

🧢 Coaching Hats

It’s like saying:

“I’m taking off the non-directive hat and putting on the semi-directive one—with your permission.”

This helps the client:

• Feel safe

• Feel respected

• Stay engaged without feeling overpowered

It’s not a “bull in a china shop” approach.
It’s gentle, thoughtful, and guided by the Holy Spirit.

3️⃣ Directive Coaching

Now we come to the third style: Directive Coaching.

This style differs significantly from non-directive and semi-directive approaches.

Here, the coach provides explicit instruction and leads the client toward specific outcomes.

🚦 When to Use Directive Coaching

Use this style when:

• The client asks to be taught

• There is a time-sensitive issue

• The client needs a specific skill

• There’s an urgency for action

• The topic requires clear boundaries or instructions

Think of it like this:

“I need help right now. Tell me what to do.”

💡 Example: Teaching a Skill

Imagine someone says:

“I want to preach my first sermon. I’ve never done it before. I need help.”

You don’t say:

“Well, how do you feel about preaching?”

You say:

“Let me walk you through how to prepare a sermon. Let’s talk about structure, prayer, Scripture, application.”

This is a directive moment.

You’re still coaching—but now you’re teaching, demonstrating, and guiding directly.

⚖️ Balancing Authority and Humility

Directive coaching must still be done with:

• Grace

• Respect

• Sensitivity to the Holy Spirit

You’re not commanding. You’re serving.

🧠 Recap: The Three Coaching Styles

Let’s summarize:

1. Non-Directive Coaching

• Listening, asking, reflecting

• Client leads

• Best when trust is building or the client is unclear

2. Semi-Directive Coaching

• Gentle suggestions, insights, resources

• Coach and client collaborate

• Best when the client is ready for guidance but not complete instruction

3. Directive Coaching

• Explicit teaching, guidance, structure

• Best when the client needs action or specific skills

🙏 Discernment and the Holy Spirit

The best coaches know:

“Which style fits this moment?”

That discernment is:

• Spiritual

• Relational

• Ethical

And it comes through:

Prayer. Attunement. Trusting God. The leading of the Holy Spirit.

🎓 Final Thought

The art of coaching is not choosing the best style for you,
It’s discerning the right style for them.

Always ask:

“What does this person need right now—and how can I serve them in a way that honors God’s presence in this session?”

That’s how coaching becomes ministry.

3️⃣ Directive Coaching (continued)

Style Three is Directive.
This isn’t semi. This isn’t “What do you think?”

This is: truth-telling, exhortation, challenge.

📣 What Directive Coaching Looks Like

The coach:

• Speaks boldly

• Gives counsel rooted in Scripture

• Offers clear instruction

• Helps move the client toward correction or change

This style is for clients who:

• Know what they want

• Are ready to grow or repent

• Need a clear path or training

Example:

“I want to learn how to discipline my children better.”
“I want a class on this specific topic.”

In this case, the client is essentially saying:

“Just have at it. Tell me what you know.”

🏺 The Pottery Analogy

It’s like someone coming to a pottery teacher:

“I know nothing. But I know you know. Please teach me.”

They’re not looking for you to ask how they feel about clay. They want your instruction.

🚨 When to Use Directive Coaching

Use directive coaching when:

• The client is stuck in sin or in denial

• They need accountability

• They start but never finish

• They procrastinate or self-sabotage

• They are in a dangerous or destructive situation

“I’ll be your directive coach for the things you already said you wanted.”

This is similar to joining a team.
When you do that, you’re saying:

“Coach, I give you permission to correct me and challenge me so I can grow.”

⚠️ Default to Non-Directive

One caution:

In ministry, we often jump straight to directive coaching—with no permission.

But we should default to non-directive.

Then, as the Spirit leads:

• Semi-directive: offer gentle nudges

• Directive: speak bold truth, but with timing and discernment

🚸 Urgent Correction

Another moment for directive coaching is when someone is engaging in a potentially dangerous activity.

With your child, you don’t say,
“How do you feel about playing in the road?”

You pull them out. You correct. You set the boundary—immediately.

Some things are hurting or killing the person. In those moments, don’t hesitate:

Get in there and speak truth before it’s too late.

🎨 A Great Coach Paints With All Three

You're not locked into one style.

A great coach knows how to blend and shift:

• Non-directive: the background and foundation

• Semi-directive: for gentle insights and nudges

• Directive: bold truth when it's needed

Let the Holy Spirit lead the shift.

🙏 God’s Coaching Model

Think about how God relates to us:

• Sometimes, He says, “What do you want?”
  He listens. He welcomes your prayer and your pain.

• Sometimes, He gives you a nudge:
  It’s not crystal clear—but you feel it.
  He wants you to reflect, grow, and take ownership.

• And sometimes… It’s a lightning bolt:
  You read Scripture, and you’re convicted.
  You say: “Okay, God. I will do this.”

We are trying to mirror how God coaches us.
That’s what ministry coaching is all about.

🎓 Final Encouragement

Take the Semi-Directive and Directive Coaching class — one college credit.
Take the Non-Directive Coaching class — three college credits.

That non-directive foundation is what makes good ministry coaching transformational.