Video Transcript: Questions that Open the Soul

Henry - So today we're going to now really that theme of asking questions spirit led encounters. Let's get practical and talk about questions that actually open the soul. So here's our objective, understand the power of well timed questions. Hmm, very interesting. Explore how questions reveal soul level realities. Practice crafting spirit led, open ended questions. Learn from Jesus, coaching style. Here we go, questions on our free will. So why questions will matter? Okay, let's stop on free will. So we have the Garden of Eden. We have God creates Adam and Eve puts them in this garden and and they're organic humans. They're not synthetic robots with the turnout switch. They actually, yeah, 

Steve - if they they have some self consciousness and self determination something, something 

Henry - it is a mystery. And you can sort of Yeah. I mean, we don't know the day of our birth, the day of our death. We also believe, from a Christian perspective, philosophic perspective, that you know, God made male and female. We know all of those things. So there's things that seem somewhat determined, yeah. But then he creates us, and then gives us real agency, yeah, to love him or not love 

Steve - him, yeah, and to choose this or do something or don't do something, 

Henry -in questions, honor, free will, yeah, 

Steve - yeah, yeah. If, if I had no free will, then your question is irrelevant. Yeah, would you like has nothing to do with whether I like anything or not. I'm just going to do whatever I'm going to do. So asking me, you know, if you ask me tomorrow morning, would you like coffee, it's already determined what's going to happen with my coffee, and it has nothing to do with your question, right, right? But we think it does with that. It does matter. We're telling someone that it matters that you have agency, you can actually do something about your life. Is what we're saying when we ask a question. You know, 

Henry - in some ways, if you want to have friends and influence people, you'd really want to take this class and start and again, not for selfish gain, no, but just to really right, you would really start helping people change, just by helping them. 

Steve - Yeah, you you honor people, and people like to be honored. So you know your friendship circle would widen. And this is not normal, right? Like, I know my wife and I talked about this all the time. We'll go to churches, you know, we'll visit a church we don't know anyone there, and afterwards, you know, we'll have coffee, and I will literally ask the person I'm talking to at least 20 Questions, right? Who are you? Where you're from? How'd you get to this church? Whatever I'd ask 20 Questions, and they will not ask me one in return, not one. Now. How do I feel when you have zero interest in my life? That's what it says. But if I ask you 20 Questions, says I'm really fascinated by and people love because no one's ever asked me why I have this accent, or why, you know how I got to this church, or what, let me tell you the story, because I've been dying to tell this story. 

Henry - As you say, this, how I feel is a little sad, honestly, yeah, that as Christians that we don't have actually, Christianity is not the issue. It's oftentimes we block the mission by our inability to just ask questions open up these hearts, but, 

Steve - but, you know, we're sort of chicken and the egg thing. I don't ask questions because no one asked me any questions, right? No one has asked me anything about my life in the last six months, and so I'm feeling insecure about everything, and now I'm supposed to ask someone else. I'm thinking about my need, I'm not thinking about how I can meet your need. So, but we're all sitting here in that needy spot. You know, we're looking at each other, and we both need somebody to say so we need to So, in other words, in some way. As a ministry coach, you can break the cycle. Yeah, if you could just ask a few questions, you might unlock someone else's I'm loved enough. Maybe I can ask someone else a few questions. 

Henry - Today at the country club, we met a person who I had met, and that person, when finding out I was a minister, immediately said, because he studied biology, I'm an atheist, yeah, so he came up and I introduced Steve, and Steve said, Yeah, we talked for like an hour. No, I didn't talk. He talked, but you know, I did, right? Because I asked questions, yes. And then with all of those questions, I'd throw in just a couple of like thing, Oh, do you think, like, woodpeckers are just like, you know, they're made to shut their eyes every time they peck. And that's not a design. I have a hard, you know, so I was just a few. So what do you think about what do we think about that? So he had said, like, he's now moved from atheism to agnostic. Yes, exactly. We don't, you know, but you're there's a 

Steve - space. Yes, yeah, he's made his little move and you gave him space to do it, right, right? In fact, he felt honored. He thinks that you feel pretty good that he made that little 

Henry - move. Yes, he does. He does. He feels really good. In fact, this weekend, I hope we'll have the opportunity, you and I to talk to him more. But what do we mean? They talk to hear his story, right? Right? Questions matter because they invite reflection, and that's what we're just talking about, not resistance. Yes, yes, they shift the conversation from advice to discovery. Correct. Jesus often led with questions. 

Steve - Not Commands right. Even when he made a command, he started it with a question, yes, what are the commandments? Remember the rich young ruler, what are the commandments? Right? You know that. You know, at the end, he says, we'll go do them, 

Henry - right? And we mentioned some of these in the past. Do you want to be made well, who do you say I am? Why are you afraid? What do you want me to do for you? These are just some of the samples, but there are so many. Once you do your devotions, you will be surprised even even things like, you know, when he was asking the disciples to come, you know, do you have a brother? You know, just stuff that just opens a space 

Steve - up where, you know, where are you struggling in your life? What is one thing you would like to see different in your life? Yeah, what is one change you would like in your life? You know, just basic, simple. You know they want a coach so, you know people want something, so just ask all those wanting questions. What do you want, right? When do you want it? You know, do you think it's possible? Do you have hope? Do you not have hope? 

Henry - You know, powerful, yeah, types of soul question. So what's stirring Yeah, okay, what's stirring in your heart? 

Steve - So that is, I'm inviting you to think about something 

Henry - it's reflective, like stirring in your 

Steve - heart. Most people are not reflective. And most people we ask questions like, Where are you going? You know, are you studying? Are you married? Where do you live? Things like that. We don't ask, like, what's stirring in your heart, right? 

Henry - So to actually look at types of soul, opening questions to one, look at the reflective what's stirring your heart. Two, clarifying. Clarify, what do you mean by 

Steve - that? So clarifying those kinds of questions. Really, they're designed to get the person to keep talking, because the more they talk, the more you learn about the real world that they're coming from and the real situation that they're battling. Before you give any advice at all, if you do at all, it's best to get the whole picture and you're clarifying question, because people will say something, but it's not the full picture. And even if you can guess what the full picture is, they need to say, right? They need to know that you understand them, and they don't know that you understand them until they tell you the whole nine yards. And they don't know that until you delve into it. How did they make you feel 

Henry - well in in lot of times too, when we're doing reflective questions or clarifying or future oriented questions, what would healing look like last times we want to jump way too quickly. Yeah, right. 

Steve - That's why that clarifying one and so good, because it slows everything down. And my goal is to keep you talking right. More you talk, the more you reveal to yourself, to me, to the whole situation 

Henry - well. And I think I, as I look back at ministry, lot of times, I will change the mode, because sometimes what's being said is making me feel uncomfortable. Yeah, you know, I know one of the stories of transformation of a couple who whose marriage was going down and getting broke, but hearing their whole story honestly at times, it made me uncomfortable, because there was infidelity. There was infidelity where a couple had sex with another couple. You know, I'm hearing all this and what in my temptation was to, I don't want to know anything else, you know. I mean, you know, and, and then, but, but by shutting it down, yeah, where, where that healing comes is by keep them talking. What do you mean by that? When did that happen? Or how did you guys get lost in that? Yeah, as opposed to saying you're all sinners, you know what? I'm glad you're here to confess, because what 

Steve - negative thing did that you think it did to you? What brain just didn't give What? What? What what happened between you because of that, because they need to what did happen because of that, they need to think about that. They haven't figured it out, right? They haven't put all the pieces together. So you're helping them put something together. I guess that's why we're always at each other. You know, we're still punishing I'm still punishing you, right? Because I felt like you, I thought it was I thought you were the one who, no that was, you know, as all of a sudden, I've been blaming you all these years, when you thought it was me. I thought it was you and, you know, right? 

Henry - So, so what we tend to do is to close those soul opening questions, because maybe we're not comfortable, or maybe it triggers something in us, or maybe we want to, like, morally fix them. Have you repented of both of your insane infidelities? 

Steve - And the truth is, maybe they haven't told you the worst of it yet, right? They're like, starting, they're wanting to get you. They want to, yeah, like, you know what? Jesus forgives, and you want to absolve them, instead of letting them sweat a little like, 

Henry - right? So there's a case study that, the case that I'm talking about now is way later. It's the last thing, and it says pretty long story, and it illustrates what you just said, because the story is going on. And finally that kicker came out, yeah, okay. And it was like, wow, But unless the kicker came out, yes, there was not going to be that relationship, right? So, so in a lot of ways these, you know, it takes non judgmental, you know, God's at work. This is a journey. 

Steve - And you know, I can, I think you're when you're telling that story. I remember a couple, they call me in and they want a divorce and what have you. And and then this guy, well, you know, we don't get along. I don't like her because of this. And then we, I went, Okay, let's go down that trail. And then that trail is, is not a he really didn't mean that, because there's nothing there. So then he'd say, Well, no, it's really because of this. So we went down that, and I go, doesn't sound like it's really that? No, no, it's because of this, right? And finally, you know, he did that, like, four or five times finally I looked at him and said, you have another girl on the side, don't you? Right? Yeah. So it was like he kept throwing the smoke screen up, throwing it, and I was willing to pursue all of I pursued five of them by open ended questions. Yes, yes. You know I could. I suspected as much in the beginning, but if I had started with that, oh yeah, he would have stormed out, 

Henry - and there would have been no restoration, no chance of it, right? And again, there's where the types of soul opening questions, where you're, you're being inquisitive, you're, you know, you know Jesus when talking to the woman caught in adultery, long discussion, yes, right. And I think that's where a lot when you get into ministry coaching, it does sort of feel as if it's a little counseling, but it's not. It feels like it's pastoral care, but it's not. Here's why it's not, because in those lot of those areas, counseling that we're trying to, you know, discover what caused this. Try, you know, no what we're trying to do. Is we're trying to help them a process of questioning is their life. But since we're ministers, there's the Word of God, there's the grace mirror, it is a powerful way, and the here's the other thing too. Because we're ministers, we're not getting paid long sums of money. We're not having long relationships. So with a minister, you're going to cut to the chase, because, in a sense, we don't want to put you on a thing to convince yourself that, oh, you're okay. 

Steve - Some people are doing counseling for 10 years, and they still it just becomes a never ending cycle. 

Henry - Right? Future oriented what would healing look like? Isn't that a powerful question? Yeah, because sometimes people, they haven't even if they did get healed, they wouldn't even 

Steve - know what the healing meant, right? What do you really, truly want? And then I don't know. I guess I don't even know, right? So then, okay, well, let's pursue that. Let's think about that, right? If you could be healed, what? What might it be? Right? Well, I don't you know. Now you pursue that. 

Henry - And where is God in this? For you? Yeah, I found in this case scenario, and I wrote a story in this last case scenario for our class here that's pretty long, and when everyone's get to it, it is gritty. So it's almost like rated PG 13. You know, it's gritty because this is the type of stuff you're going to be facing when you keep the questions open, yeah. But one of the things that I found so fascinating is, in this whole relationship, God did show up to them, and they knew it, right? And that's the world of reasons that they're going to a ministry coach and they're not going to a divorce lawyer, right? Because God showed up and said, you know something? I have something else for you. Yeah, and 

Steve - there's nothing wrong with you asking that. No where. Where is God in this? And they may say, I don't know, or they may reflect on it, we don't know. 

Henry - The role of the Holy Spirit. Spirit led questions. Go beyond techniques. They prompt convictions. Stir hope, invite deeper surrender, prayerful listening, proceeds, powerful asking, yeah, I guess we've been saying that. We sure have again when we've been saying this is, you know what? We almost can't say this enough, because the reality is, is our default system is to be, avoid leading or fixing. Don't ask to corner fix, manipulate. Have you tried? Why don't you? This is the Bible says we should Yes. Oh, we are. So, I mean, we went to our seminary and it was like three years of letting telling us what we should 

Steve - say, yeah, and laying on the guilt and laying on, oh yeah. 

Henry - Really, it's this is the truly, yeah, the Ministry of curiosity. Curiosity is sacred and rooted in compassion. Ask because you care, not because you're curious. People bloom when they feel safe to explore their story. Now notice how that concept of caring is the foundation of a curiosity. It's not like, ooh, inquiring minds want to know, yeah. Well, one is, there's an accident, and I just want to see it right. The other is, 

Steve - yeah, it's, you know, I think about myself, am I caring? Am I curious because I'm caring, or am I caring because I'm curious? And I don't know? 

Henry - Again, there's where the Holy Spirit is, like you're is a because 

Steve - I think that curious thing, it has definitely helped me. Like I will ask 20 Questions of someone I don't know, and I am genuinely curious as to what they do, right? But you can't bear is it really you get, 

Henry - I guess, yeah, and people would know that I've seen you ask 20 Questions. I've asked 20 questions, but I truly 

Steve - but I'm also fascinated, I suppose I'm fascinated with how God may have dealt with you, right? Because, because you're another entity that God has dealt with, and that just fascinates me, that that, you know, like, I'll talk to somebody, and they're a certain way, they're real caring, or there's something, and I know their brother, and their brother isn't, and I'll ask, Well, how did you become that, and your brother didn't. What was it about you, right? Well, I've always liked I know, but how did that happen? Right? Did your was there any event? Was there any like, I'm trying to figure out why you are the way You are. 

Henry - People bloom when they feel safe to explore their story, yeah. And the key word is safe, yeah, you know, in the in the case study later on, which is actually a real story with lots of names changed because, you know, I want to guard confidentiality, one of the things that I did notice was the safety situation that I was able, through experience of being a minister in coaching to give that because at any point, I could have messed that up by all of a sudden saying that you are not safe here ways this story may get out to someone else. Yeah, so that's why I'm saying. I even have have so many like things that it doesn't even look like anything related, anything that, because I it's safe. But for ministry purposes, yeah, we want to address how do we help people that they really take responsibility to help their own life Correct? Try asking, what would it mean for you to forgive? 

Steve - Yeah, what's the story behind that belief in there is there again, you're saying something that you believe. But why do you think you believe that? What's behind that you think, well, and that people want to figure that out. Yeah, they've never thought about it in their life. Yeah, and you're giving them a key to unlock some hidden drawer that has made them who they are, and you're helping them do that. 

Henry - Why do you feel stuck again? What is God showing you right now? 

Steve - So I like with it, for example, when people share a verse, why do you think God put that verse on your heart? Or why, you know, why do you think that verse is the one that came to mind now they got to look at and go and they reflect on the verse, reflecting on their life. And you get some incredible story. 

Henry - You do just by asking, Why did I ask 

Steve - you? I tried to get, like, young people, young men, to give, like, a little testimony or a little sermon, like a five minutes, yeah. And I thought the best way, you know, in seminary, they gave us a thing, and then they told us how we missed the point. And right, we could have done better. I said to them, I want you to talk about the most significant event that happened in your life, and a verse that helped you in that every one of them hit it right out of the park because some significant event happened, and this particular verse helped them in the most whether they're a good speaker or not. It was powerful. It was a powerful talk each one gave because they reflected on a verse in their life. 

Henry - Powerful. So finally, concluded, conclusion questions that heal. Counsel in the heart of man is like deep waters, but a man of understanding will draw it out. And that's really a great 

Steve - coaching verse. It is a great that should be on your card or whatever. Yeah, look at it once a while. 

Henry - Your questions may draw out the very thing God wants to heal. Yeah?