Video Transcript: Coaching from Hello to Amen

Henry - Yeah. So we're back, you know, last session, your last case study, really showed how you were had this relationship going, and really it was sort of stagnant, yeah, and needed to get that to that Amen spot, or that launching spot, or whatever that 

Steve - was, yeah, now I was allowing her to not only waste my time, but waste her time, her time she wasn't being transformed is we were just we were helping each other stay at a at a neutral, a neutral spot that that didn't help me or her. 

Henry - Wow, very powerful. So today we're going to look at learning a simple structure for a coaching session. Okay? Understand the flow from greeting to conclusion. Practice, Spirit led, presence. Add stage. Okay. So here we go. First of all, Steve, why is a structure important? Why does a structure matter? 

Steve - Yeah, it it helps you. The coach, number one, because 

Henry - say that again, we had like a little well, it 

Steve - helps that helps most. Most communication is joyful, rambling. You know, when people, you know, see right other, they're sitting around the fire or whatever, somebody says something, then someone says something else, and then someone said, it's just random talks. It's we don't know what our purpose is. We're just talking, right? So if you, if you just sit down with someone and you want to do a coaching session, and you just start talking, and they talk, you can go from one topic to another, and then from this thing, and you never really get into me, right? I'm like, What are we doing here? Right, right, right, right. We're not just sitting around the fire. We're trying to accomplish something. So a structure like gives you a game plan. All right, we're gonna, we're gonna start with this, then we're gonna move to that, and we're gonna with it, and then we're 

Henry - gonna know what we're done when we get here, right? So structure is, I remember another metaphor from your past, there is like a glass and there's water, yeah? And I remember, I mean, this is a 25 to 30 year old before that, I remember you shared years and years ago that, you know, we all want the water of life, yeah, but we have to have the structure, the glass, or the water just falls on the ground, yeah. So structure is a clear flow. It provides safety, focus and fruit. It reduces it reduces awkwardness. It builds confidence and helps the client, the person or the person we're coaching, feel truly seen and supported. So stage one, hello. My name is

Henry. I am glad that you have come tell me your story. So I speak, yeah. You 

Steve - know, you start with Hello, yeah. I mean, that's obvious that that this is where we begin. There has to be some acknowledgment of me as a person. I see you, yep, as a person, and it has to be welcoming. This is the first impression, yep, that someone has of you, of the setting. Hey, sit back. Sit down, relax. Glad that you're here. Yeah, if I do that in an open and a friendly way, I'm already telling them something about what we're going to be doing, it's going to be okay, right? I I'm someone that can be trusted, you know, I think we're going to have some rapport here. I think we're going to do some good things. They have a look that feeling, right? When you just welcome them. And, you know, this is no small thing. People, people go, you know, since retiring from a church, we my wife and I've been visiting churches, and churches themselves are often terrible at this, just cold, just me and, well, how sad is this? Yeah, so, yes. So we may be trying to say something that's obvious, but apparently it's not that obvious, right? 

Henry - That, yeah, this is, like, painfully captain obvious, 

Steve - right? Like, you know, make eye contact, right? Don't be looking at your notes or your outline or out the window or some book you have have in your hand, or even if you had the Bible in your hand, the first thing you need is look right at them, right into their eyes. This is about connecting to 

Henry - you right. Wow. Two opening question, what would you like to focus on today? There's a easy, simple question. Begin with curiosity. Let the client set the direction, but still follow where the Spirit is already stirring again. Ministry is in that sweet spot, correct? So 

Steve - that you know that already is different from counseling, because usually you start with learning something about them. What have you. But here it's, you know. So, why might you come to something like this? Right? Well, someone invited me. Oh, why did you take that invitation? Eventually, they have to tell you something inside of them. Well, in a lot 

Henry - of times, you can develop a lot of good opening questions. Yeah. I mean, this is one, what would you like to focus on today? You know, for me, I've, over the years, have like, I even have like, sort of my stock questions I will, like, ask in counseling, like, one, do you have any goals? How is the counselor been working for you this coaching back to what you talked about before even get, like a little Where were you? Let's say you're in the fifth or sixth session, or let's say you are. Have a coaching relationship that's volunteer and informal, but actually, don't just assume that everything's fine. Ask a question, right? Yeah. 

Steve - How are you feeling today? Really, yeah, right. Really, what's going on, or you know, what's been happening in your life that you're excited about, what's been happening in your life that is causing you stress? What is happening? 

Henry - Well, that's stage three. Start the opening questions, yeah. Spear like questions reflect back key insights. Notice tone, emotion, body language, listen beneath the words. Now let's go to reflect back key insights. How do you see stuff like that? 

Steve - Well, if someone was said, you know, well, how are you doing? Well. They start saying a bunch of things, but you notice, maybe they threw in, well, you know, my boss, he does. He asked me to do overtime. He just doesn't understand that I have a family and, you know, and then my wife, you know, she gets well, she, you know, she doesn't understand that what my work is all about. And he sort of leans into that one, right? You noticed, like a little uptick in the emotion there. So that might be, you could talk about the boss and the work situation. That is a problem. You could do that. But you've noticed that maybe this is a raw place, right, right? So, okay, maybe this is more important than the boss thing. Maybe the boss thing is a problem because this is a problem that he spends more time at work because he wants to spend more time at work because when he goes home, it's a disaster, and all they do is fight and, you know, right? 

Henry - So your path insights get brought forward in with maybe a question, correct? Where that takes that past insight, brings it into an open ended question. And now, have you found that the work situation is improving? Yeah, and last time you said that you wanted to, let's say, get an organization calendar on. This, did you do that? 

Steve - Right? Right? So you now you're, you know, keeping track account, you know, you came up with an action plan. What happened with that? Right? 

Henry - A lot of times on this exploration thing, nobody is even too self aware, often, including you, as the Minister coaching that anything is happening here, but a lot is happening because you're asking open ended questions. And all of a sudden the Holy Spirit starts moving in Insight forward, and a new insight comes 

Steve - forward. I think one key thing to understand is that people are like Adam and Eve hiding, right, right? They fall into sin, and the first thing they do is they hide from each other, put clothes on, right? Yep. And then the second thing they do is they hide from God, and God has to go out Adam where are you so think of yourself coach, the coach as like God coming into the Garden, and Adam is hiding, right? The guy that's sitting with you that you're trying to help the sin problem, the all the issues in his life that are the result of his sin, other people's sin, sin in the world, whatever brokenness, cause people to hide. And they it's there. They want it exposed. They want it dealt with. But on the other hand, they're hiding from the very helper that wants to help them, so that's why you have to listen carefully. You have to look through the trees and okay, hold it. You said this, or I noticed that, or could it be this, or, you know so, and you're guessing, I don't know for sure. 

Henry - Sure, all right? And it goes back to earlier presentations about being an active listening, discerning. Listen, right? Don't think what you think it might be listener. Listen to what is said, not what you think is said. I mean, there's a lot of things that go but once you get to the expiration, you come on the Discovery journey with them, and you prompt discovery, yeah, stage four, obvious discernment. Help clarify what is true. Notice we're tacking now on truth side. Oh, what's Graceville? What needs action? See, this whole thing is coming together that like that triangle, yes, in the last Yes, it is happening in a session, in a conversation, right? What is God revealing? 

Steve - So that question is a really, really good one. I mean, if you're wondering what good questions, this is one you could write down, because it what it does is it takes you the coach off from the center stage. And it, in a way, takes that person off the center stage and puts the God piece in there. Right? If I ask you directly, you might want to hide, if I point something out, I'm now the answer, man. But if I say, What do you think God might be revealing. In this situation, we're letting God discover or say this, and the person is more willing to let God say this to them than you saying it or even themselves. 

Henry - Well, and that's the next question. Maybe it is about what does the client said? So do you sense? Yeah, what do you sense is going on? Right? You know, what is the invitation? So, what are you wanting? Right? Very powerful. Now comes commitment. Move toward practical next steps, and again, you notice the the truth, the grace. Now actions, let the client articulate action. Ask, what will you do? What will you do? Before our next session? 

Steve - and this is, this is where this becomes so simple. Hello, thanks for coming. What's going on in your life? Where's the pinch points? Where are you struggling? Where's your stress? Oh, it's this. Okay, let's talk about that for a while. You explore. You talk about this. How does it make you feel? What do you feel about it? Finally you get to, what do you want to do about it? And then finally you go, Okay, you could say, What do you want to do about it? Well, I guess I should love my wife more, right? That's what people will say. Just broad job, I guess I should be a better parent and spend more time with my kids. That's it, right? This step is okay. Let's really lean into that. What exactly will you commit to before we meet next week? This is the step that's often skipped, right? And this is probably the most important one. If you skip this one, nothing gets done. 

Henry - You know, I noticed now even in relationships, let's call it mature relationships, or relationships with a lot of years. So you take our relationship started in the late 1980s so it's been years. It's fascinating to me that this five step thing here, and we'll be going to step six next. But this five step thing is even in our conversations, right? Like we will talk about all of these things, we'll ask each other open ended questions. Will you know, what are you going to do about it? Action steps, you know, and we're not even even aware we're doing this with our wives, married 40 plus years, each of us, we're doing life coaching without even thinking that we're doing ministry coaching. Now, again, it's not just, you know, secular life coaching work, but it's, it's, it's definitely with a keel, right? There's grace and there's truth and and very powerful marriages, successful marriages in Christ, have this going on, so you're practicing this in healthy relationships anyway, so when you are talking to someone you're not like doing something you're not living every day, correct? 

Steve - Yes, it's the heart of parenting, right? You could just tell your kids what to do, or you could get them involved in the whole process and then follow up with this commitment. Okay, what are we going to do as a family? How are we going to handle this situation, whatever chaos we're trying to solve the bedtime ritual. You could talk about it and you can yell about it and scream about it. Or we can explore what it is. This one has this need. This one has that need. There's this problem, this. Problem Can we talk all about? But then, in the end, what should we now do about it? Right? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? And now we find a solution. 

Henry - So finally, prayer is as powerful like again, connecting all of our narratives, all of our discussions, with prayer to the Lord always end with prayer, maybe brief, sometimes extended, invite God's presence and peace as we depart. In a sense, it's like being an officiant. We're doing a little ceremony here. In ending this ceremony with prayer, affirm the client's identity in Christ amen means let it be. So let it be, let it be, done. So from the beginning to the end, every relationship is really about just this. It is really a simple it's a relational model, yeah, every session then is a soul journey. There's a hello. Every time you come home, you say hello to your spouse. Great, welcome the person. Right, explore, ask and discern, commit, encourage action. Amen, seal it with God's presence. Yeah, 

Steve - I like that the Amen is the ceiling of with God's presence. It's almost like that thing where we said we're not just a mirror. We're a spirit reflecting mirror. We're a God reflecting mirror. 

Henry - So as you see these session things, do you have any other practical advice about the hello to Amen, as you look at this, and you know, again, we're looking the matrix of doing this for decades now. You know, I think if I were to say some things, you could sprinkle in that just will go into your more advanced teaching class. But maybe we can sort of think about it. I can also see, you know, having people, you know, bring note paper to write things down. Very practical, yeah, you know, I could see, like, you know, while we're doing this opening questions, do a little semi direction like, how is your time management working? So we know, Bill, you know, and again, this is that, or, you know, would you like to take a class? What about a class at Christian Leaders Institute on this topic? You know, in some ways, you know, even here, we're still we as Minister coaches have more tools we could bring to this relationship. Yeah. So, ministry is a journey, and God is at work from beginning to end.