Video Transcript: Three Coaching Styles in Ministry Contexts

Henry - So we're back now. It is really time to just make sense of the styles of coaching. 

Steve - Yeah, in some ways, we've been talking with you about basically one style, and there's actually and it's the main style it is. That's why we spent so much time. But we're going to actually introduce you. We're going to tell you what the style is that we've been talking about, a name that you can attach to it, yeah, 

Henry - and even if you take further classes, you can go deeper. Yeah, you'll do these. You'll know 

Steve - what we're talking about. But then we're going to introduce two other styles, so three different styles, coaching styles. 

Henry - Okay, so let's dig in. 

Steve - So we're going to identify these three core coaching styles. We're going to learn when to apply, because each style is useful for different situations. We're going to discern the client's readiness, Holy Spirit, prompting. 

Henry - Now on this one, since 

Steve, you actually did two entire classes on this. I'm really gonna just have you sort of lead through the slides. I might have a few questions here, but I think, I mean, this is like, you have really been a pioneer in some of these things, and I'm, here we go. Here we go. 

Steve - Why coaching styles matter? Number one, why do we have three different styles? Because one size does not fit all. Okay, different people, different sessions, seasons of their life. Adaptability is the key to effective ministry. Coach and style flows from posture, not your personality. It really flows out of what a person actually need a given person, everyone has different needs when they come for coaching and depending on their needs and their situation and their personality type, all those things weigh into this is what style you might choose. Wow. 

Henry - So this is going to be important. This is very important. Okay, number one, so 

Steve - here's what we've been largely talking about, non directive coaching. We're not running the show. We're not telling you what to do, 

Henry - or the foundational way we think of it. Anyway, yes. 

 Steve - Okay, so we're focusing on listening, asking, reflecting the client leads, the coach stays curious and supportive best when trust is building or a story is unfolding. So you know, the non directive approach works when a client doesn't know what to do, right? Okay, they're not suffering from a particular problem. For example, a person might be like, I'm a horrible parent, and I don't know what to do as a parent, right? So non directive would be, okay. Well, you might try that. You might go, Well, why do you think you're a horrible parent, and then you go into the background and all those things, right? But sometimes people just have no clue, right? They just don't have enough tools to know anything, 

Henry - right, when to use non directive, yeah, 

Steve - when the client needs space to process. So in other words, they're not ready to be told what to do, so you're spending time listening they they're unsure of what they want, right? I don't even know what I want. Okay, let's explore that. Because otherwise, if I was, if I was more directive, for example, they'd have to know what they want. Like someone comes to me and says, 

Steve, I see you play the guitar. I would like to know how to play the guitar, right? Well, they know what they want, right? So now all they need is someone to show them how, right? Someone that knows that stuff, but they don't. They're just unhappy. Their life is just a mess. 

Henry - So they they discern there are problems, but they're confused, and they come to you for some clarity, but you're not going to give them your clarity for them. You're seeking to help them discern what's clear to them 

Steve - exactly. So they're unsure of what they want. They're spiritually tender or wounded. So they're there. You would hurt them if all of a sudden you just grabbed them and said, This is where you should go, right? They need to, you know, spend some time and they're hurt and understand their work. Let the spirit guide the discovery. It's a discovery process. Okay, so now, semi directive. Now this is okay, so this is a different style, okay, we haven't talked. We've hinted at this one a little bit already, but now we're going to tell you what it is. So the focus here is on guiding, sharing, inviting. The coach offers gentle suggestions. So it's not just telling people what to do. It's Have you thought about this? Or have you ever read a book about. About that, or there's a whole course on parenting. If you're confused about parenting, you don't know what it is, it might be better for you to take that class on parenting, and then we could come back to some non directive coaching, where? What do you want to do with what you learn? Right? I'm not going to tell you what you should do, right, but you need some information, some guide posts, guideposts, scripture, analogies, insights. They need something to work with, because right now they don't have enough of the tools, 

Henry - right, right? And again, we talked about so many of these things, but now we're putting them together. This is semi directive coaching, right? 

Steve - So when do you semi directive? When the client asks for biblical wisdom? I would like to know what the Bible says about this is exploring next steps. They they already know kind of what I want to become a better parent, and that's we've talked about it. We've looked at all the things that you may want or problems in your life. We finally figured out, through the non directive, that parenting is the issue you really want to deal with, right? Okay, so, but now I might, I might be more directive in going. Well, would you like to go in this direction or this direction you want to study that you want to where exactly in the parenting world, shall we start right, right? So it needs a soft nudge. You know, it's like they don't have enough stuff to come up with it. It'd be like someone asking to learn to play the piano, yeah, well, just go figure it out, right? How do you want to play it? Well, they'll never gonna get it right. I need to give you at least a little bit. And, you know, I might go, Well, what do you want to use the piano for? Right? This or That. Okay, well, that helps me to share something with you. 

Henry - So I have this question, like, so do you ever find that you don't know when to move from non directive to like, how do you I think 

Steve - you have to be very number one. You have to be gentle, and you have to, you know, I think I talk in my class about how you have to be very clear with your client, which style, 

Henry - like, there's a hat, like, I'm taking this hat off. Yes. Is that what you're saying? Yes, 

Steve - so that I am letting you I've been so far, letting you guide everything and decide everything 

Henry - someone minister. You'll see that perspective of glorifying God, yeah. But now we're moving into, well, I'm asked, I'm saying, Did you notice that stuff? Yes, I know that stuff. Would you give me permission to? Now, I want to do it semi directive. Those give you a little direction. You're creating a boundary, and you're making it self 

Steve - aware to them, yes, and I'm asking them if they would like that boundary. So I'm not just imposing it on you. I'm not just taking you and leading you somewhere you don't want to go. I'm actually saying I think it might be helpful if I What do you think? So? I mean, I'm gently directing Right, right, not just coming in with like a bull in a China shop. I'm gently directing and getting permission every step of the way, and letting you know that this is a little bit different than what I was doing. I see I see that. I see that. And style three is directive. This isn't semi this other one is like, I'm going back and forth. I'm asking, What do you think directive? Coaching? You focus on truth, telling, exhortation, challenge. The coach speaks boldly, gives counsel rooted in Scripture. That's when the client is ready for a change in correction and they know what they want, right? I want to learn how to play the piano. I want to learn how to discipline my children better, right? I want a class. Yes, basically, that's what they're saying. Yeah, I want, I need a class on this particular What do you know about this? 

Henry - Yes, just have at it. I want to hear your opinion. 

Steve - Yes, it'd be like someone who knows pottery, they know you know pottery. Can you teach me some pottery? I don't know where to even begin, right? When do you use directive, when the client is stuck in a sin or in denial when they need accountability, like they just can't. They without and they know it, and they know it. They procrastinate, they put it off, they start stuff, and they never finish anything, and they their problem isn't that they just don't know they do they just can't seem to focus so you're like coming along and saying, Okay, I will be your directive coach on stuff you already said you wanted, right, right? That's what you do. When you join a team, you join a team and you basically tell the coach, I'm voluntarily joining this team, but I give you permission to make me do laps, make me throw the ball 50 times, or whatever it is you think I need to do in order to improve in this area 

Henry - of my life. Wow. And again, there's a lot of application for that, but we tend to often in ministry, jump right to the directive, yes, with no permission, when really we need to think as our default, as the non directive, yes, what's the Spirit doing? What's the Spirit doing in you? Then some semi directive, here's the nudge, oh, here's the verse, here's a then when the Holy Spirit, if someone is stuck, or someone says, you know, I really want to grow in this. 

Steve - Yeah, another time is when a person is engaged in things that are truly dangerous. I mean, with your kids, you don't just, you know, how do you feel about playing in the middle of the road? You know, punish them and set up their boundary and say this isn't happening. I don't care if you understand what we're talking about, or not, because it's just too dangerous. It's too it's killing you. It's hurting you. Yeah, and so there's sometimes, you know, in ministry, people will be engaged in activities that just is just gonna destroy them, destroy them, and you need to get in there quickly and do something, because otherwise you could lose 

Henry - them. So you're not locked in one style, a great coach paints with all three. Generally the background is non directive. You're the presence. But there's, like you mentioned times, with gentle insights, the semi directive. And the directive is the bold truth, and let the Spirit lead the shift. Is there anything else you want to say and 

Steve - conclude, I think, if you, if you think about how God relates, Isn't this how God relates to us? Sometimes he's very What do you want? Yep, he's listening. And come to me with your prayer and your problems, and I will listen. And so, yeah, sometimes you get this nudge from God. Is God trying to tell me, like, it's not crystal clear, this little nudge right? Because he wants you to figure it out. He wants you to deal with it. And sometimes it's like a lightning bolt. You read the Scripture and it says something, and you're convicted, and you're like, Okay, God, I will do this. So we're trying to mirror, again, really, how God relates to us, and now we're trying to mirror that in our whole coaching process. Wow. 

Henry - And again, I just want to give a little plug for take the semi directive and directive coach coaching class. That's one college credit and then a three college credit is the non directive one, which really is the foundation of good ministry, coaching,