Transcript & Slides: Body Language: Caring for Your Look

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Body Language: Caring for Your Look
By David Feddes

Body language is one aspect of our physical fitness and how we present our bodies. Body language conveys something about ourselves, and other people get messages from our body language.

Here's a question. Let's suppose that you are the hiring manager for an accounting firm and you are going to interview various candidates. Which applicant will you take the most seriously as someone you might want to hire? This person who looks like this and is dressed like this, or this man who comes into the interview wearing a coat and tie? Someone who is running an accounting firm almost certainly will look at the sharply dressed person more quickly than somebody who is dressed as though he's part of the Hell's Angels or some other biker gang. We judge people, at least to some degree, on their clothing and appearances. You could say, "Oh, that's just prejudice." And that may be so, but it's an important prejudice to know about if you're the person trying to get hired—if you know what signal your clothing and your body language is sending to other people. So we want to be aware of that.

When you go in for an interview, there are various people who give advice on what you should and should not do. Did you know that some people will pay more attention to your shoes than to your qualification or your résumé when you go in for a job interview? It may sound terrible, but it's true. Some hiring managers say that one of the first things they look at is whether a man coming in has his shoes polished and in good order, and the right kind of shoes for the interview. And if he doesn't, they might assume that he doesn't pay attention to detail or he doesn't really care very much about getting this job. You thought it was all about qualifications, about your dynamic personality and your ability to handle the interview well. And if you wore scuffed shoes, you just might be ditched by the hiring manager before he even gives you a good hearing.

So you need to pay attention to some of the do's and don'ts just when it comes to dressing up for a job interview if you really want to get the job. If you're a man going in for an interview, polish your shoes. Groom your hair neatly. Don't have it all over the place. Don't have visible tattoos or piercings if you can help it—unless you're interviewing for a rock band or something like that. But otherwise, many hiring managers are not really going to be impressed by your various tattoos or piercings, whatever value you attach to them. If you have an earring and you're a man or you've got a nose ring, leave them at home and dress up. Don't dress too casually for most kinds of work that you go to interview at.

You can say, "Well, that's not fair. You shouldn't judge a book by its cover. You shouldn't judge a man by his clothing." Say what you wish. Do you want the job or don't you? Okay. So we need to just face facts that the way we dress conveys certain messages. People who are evaluating us and getting a first impression of us—especially for the possibility of hiring us—are going to look at such things.

If you're a lady going in for an interview, there are also some do's and don'ts. You're often told not to wear too much jewelry or anything that's too extravagant, to dress in a manner that's quite modest and not very revealing, to wear the proper kind of shoes. And there are some don'ts: don't dress too casually, don't wear anything too bright or flamboyant that attracts too much color to your clothes and detracts from who you are as a person. You certainly don't want to dress in a really sexually provocative way where a hiring person is looking more at your body than at your abilities.

So when you ask people who give advice about how to do well in a job interview, they'll tell women: don't get too fancy with your hair—have it nice, but don't get all dolled up too crazy. Go easy on the makeup. Don't overdo it. Don't overdo your perfume. Limit your jewelry. Avoid skimpy, tight clothing. Don't let your neckline get too low or your hemline get too high or things be too clingy and revealing, because that could interfere with you being taken seriously as a person who's ready to do a job, a person who's got a mind, a person who's got a personality of your own rather than a thing or an object that somebody's looking at.

That's not my advice. That's just very common advice throughout the whole world of those who are experts on how to do a job interview. Now when I read that kind of advice and then turn to the Bible, I read a passage like this:

"I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing. I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God" (1 Timothy 2:8–10).

That passage is taken by some people and even mocked because it's saying, "Oh, it's not all about hairdos or expensive clothes." And I find it ironic that sometimes a passage that is mocked by people sounds almost like the advice that's given to women going in for job interviews: dress modestly. Don't let the main thing about you be all the gaudy jewels that you have or the fanciness of your hairstyle. Let it be your qualifications that shine through. That's what you want to do in a job interview. In fact, that's what you want to do with your life—let the main thing noticeable about you be the kind of person you are and the deeds you do, and not just stuff that you put on that's more expensive than what other people wear.

At any rate, a passage from the Bible that some dismiss or scoff at is actually almost echoed to the letter by the people who give job interview advice.

Speaking of body language, let's just pause for a moment to speak about body language in worship and in prayer, because how you handle your body is important in those areas. It's not the only thing or the most important thing. The heart matters the most. The attitude matters the most. But it does say in the passage, "I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer." That's body language. What are you doing with your hands while you pray?

Psalm 47 says, "Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy" (Psalm 47:1). When you're worshiping the Lord, let's bow down in worship. "Let us kneel before the Lord our Maker" (Psalm 95:6). That's another form of body language that shows humility and reverence before the majesty of God. The clapping may show celebration or gladness in God. "Praise his name with dancing" (Psalm 149:3). I'm not a real dancer, but that is one of the ways that people can praise God—in dancing.

In some worship services that I'm familiar with, the language of worship seems to be sitting still and not doing anything and listening to somebody else talk. And even when you sing, not getting too worked up or not dancing too much. And let's face it—the Bible has a lot more expressive version of body language when we're worshiping. When we're excited about the Lord, when we're glad in him, our shining faces, our smiles are going to show our gladness in God. When we pray, we may pray with our hands folded. We may pray with our hands lifted in praise to the Lord. We may be bowing. Whatever our posture is, we need to realize that our body language does mean something when we're worshiping—whether in public or in private.

So although the heart matters most, ask yourself, "Is my body language helping me to worship the Lord and expressing my joy in the Lord, or is it kind of hindering my spirit of worship?" I don't want to spend too much more time on that, but because it's in the text that I just quoted, I did want to mention it—because body language in worship is a part of expressing our total self, not just our hearts but our very bodies as we offer them to God.

As we think about body language and caring for your look in the practical details of everyday Christian living, I want to deal with things related to your facial expression, your posture and your gestures, your hairstyle and makeup, clothing and jewelry, and then how you change sometimes your body itself, which some people do—body modification.

Facial expression and posture and gestures matter a lot. One noted producer of television shows says that when he watched potential talent for a TV show for doing newscasts or other things, he would watch them with the sound off. He would just watch their face. He would watch their posture, their gestures, and he would decide on that basis how interesting they would be to a viewer. Now I know that TV way overdoes the visual and neglects the intellectual and so on, but it's still important to realize that your facial expression, your posture, your gestures convey something.

If I say, “Jesus Christ is a great Savior, and he’s done so much for us, and he… well, he fills our hearts with joy, and… well, you know, isn’t it wonderful to be a Christian, and isn’t it fabulous to serve such a great God”—if I mumble those words and yawn and look bored or sad while I’m mumbling, you would say, “What is wrong with that guy? His words are saying one thing, but his face and his gestures are saying something totally different. Because he’s talking about joy with this frown on his face. He’s talking about how wonderful it is to belong to the Lord while he looks anything but excited.”

So if you’re into teaching, if you’re into preaching the Word of God, you’ve got to know body language. And in one of our preaching courses I’ve talked quite a bit about body language and how to express yourself. You don’t invent it or just fake it, but the fact is how your face looks—how your posture and gestures express you—will have a big impact on how your message is received.

And when you’re dealing with people in general, your face conveys something. If you look angry, if you look sad, or if you look ashamed, and that’s not how you’re feeling, then your face might be lying. But would anybody look at this picture and say that this woman is bursting with joy and happy with the person she’s talking with? Would you say that this woman is feeling the same as this woman? No. The facial expression is totally different. And we recognize that. We recognize that when somebody has a big smile and their eyes are lit up, it’s conveying something about them and about their current condition that’s very different from a downcast face.

The Bible speaks of negative body language sometimes, about people whose body language is an expression of how evil they are. “A worthless person, a wicked man, winks with his eye, signals with his feet, and motions with his fingers” (Proverbs 6:12–13). We don’t always understand exactly what these gestures meant, but we know that there was a kind of body language that wicked people would use. It wasn’t just a harmless wink like “I’m just joking” or “having a little fun.” The wink is an evil signal for that particular person, or the way that he’s signaling with his feet or pointing with his finger. We don’t know what he was up to.

Body language differs from culture to culture, but body language and gestures can mean something evil. “The look on their faces testifies against them; they parade their sin like Sodom” (Isaiah 3:9). “They made their faces harder than stone and refused to repent” (Jeremiah 5:3). A hard face can mean you’re stubborn and you’re not going to change. It can mean you’re proud of your wickedness, and you are not going to feel any remorse about bad things you’ve done. The look on your face testifies that you’re as proud as Sodom of your sin.

So there are different kinds of negative body language, and there are also different kinds of positive body language. “Those who look to the Lord are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame” (Psalm 34:5). Martin Luther, the great Reformer, said—maybe only half jokingly—that a person is responsible for the look on their face after age 40. I don’t know where he got age 40, but he said that what’s going on inside you ought to be coming through in your face.

“Is your face radiant?” “A glad heart makes a cheerful face” (Proverbs 15:13). “Light in a messenger’s eyes brings joy to the heart” (Proverbs 15:30). “When a king’s face brightens, it means life” (Proverbs 16:15). So our face shows what’s going on inside us sometimes, and it also gives joy to others. If I go around all day with a downcast look, others who see me have had their day darkened just a little bit.

Now this doesn’t mean that we all have to paste a plastic smile on our face all day and go around like this—but it might mean we shouldn’t go around like this all the time and be scowling. Because how we conduct ourselves and what we do with our face sends a message about what’s going on in our hearts, and it does something for others. It can cheer things up for them. It can make them more alive.

So negative language of the body versus positive body language—there are wordless messages. Your body sends them, even if you don’t say them. Have you ever spoken with a child, and you’re talking away, and they roll their eyes? And you say, “Don’t roll your eyes at me!” “Well, I didn’t say anything. I didn’t do anything.” Oh yes, they did. They didn’t say it with words, but they rolled their eyes. That’s a way of showing contempt for what’s being said.

Or if somebody stands there like this while you’re speaking with them, that often can be a wordless signal of defiance—folding your arms. Now, sometimes it just means you’re kind of relaxed and you’re folding your arms. But sometimes there’s a way of folding your arms that’s a body language of defiance. Rolling your eyes can show disrespect. Sticking out your tongue, especially among little kids, is a way of taunting each other or showing contempt.

Sometimes you do almost the same gesture, but it means something very different. If you go like this and you’re raising your hands and shaking your fists, you might be rejoicing over something wonderful that happened. If you change it just a little and go like this, you might be angry or making a threatening gesture. Just the use of a different finger can mean something very different. And in various cultures what you did with your fingers might send different signals.

In my culture, if you go like this and you’re playing a sport and you tap your chest and point up, it means, “Thank you, God, for helping me make that good play.” That’s using your index finger. If you raise one different finger and go like this, it’s a very obscene gesture that is very insulting, and you better never do that to anybody. If you go like this and raise your thumbs, it means, “Hey, everything’s good.” And really all you’re doing is raising one different item on your hand, but it sends such a different message. That’s body language.

Sometimes how you handle your eyes—if I’m like this and I’m talking to you and I don’t look up and I kind of murmur and stammer—it can mean that I’m uncertain. It can mean that I’m kind of ashamed. It might mean that I don’t like you very much. If I’m talking to you and my eyes are shifting all over—to some people, maybe you don’t even mean it that way—but if your eyes are shifty, it often comes across and gives a vibe of being a dishonest person in the culture that I’m part of. The way to deal with people is to look them in the eye, to keep a steady look, and to relate in that way rather than just kind of either ignoring them or looking like I’m ashamed.

Sometimes just the way you carry yourself sends a signal. If you’re hunched and drooped, it often sends a signal that you’re defeated. In fact, there are psychologists who say that one of the most important things that you can do if you’re a person who has faced abuse in your past is to learn to stand straight, put your shoulders back, get your chin up, and look people in the eye. Because they say if you go down with this kind of body language all the time, the predators out there know that you’re a person who is prone to defeat, and they just might be ready to harm you or to afflict additional abuse upon you.

So your body language is sometimes a way almost to invite trouble. I’m not saying that it’s your fault if people seek you out and are cruel to you, but I am saying that if you haven’t learned to handle your body language right, you might be almost a magnet for more trouble.

So with your body language—at least in Western cultures—stand straight. Get your shoulders back. Your chin up when you’re dealing with people or meeting them for the first time. Smile. Look them in the eye. Don’t look in a different direction. Don’t have your eyes downcast. When you shake hands, give a firm handshake—but not a nasty bone-crushing handshake that ruins every bone in their fingers. And don’t give them the wet fish handshake either, which just kind of flaps into their hand. Grasp their hand firmly and shake it. That’s how you greet people when you’re meeting them.

Don’t cross your arms, which is creating a sense of distance or defiance. You don’t have to worry about that once you’re buddies and you’re just kind of casually talking and doing things. But first impressions—don’t cross your arms or send a sense of distance or defiance. Don’t do distracting stuff like chewing your nails or twirling your hair or tapping your fingers. That shows you’re impatient or you’re nervous, and people aren’t at ease with you. And you don’t have as much a sense of confidence—and their confidence in you.

Do you have trouble with body odor? You say, “Well, that's not a very spiritual thing.” No, it's not. But if you stink, people may pay more attention to your stink than to you. So shower regularly. Use deodorant. Reduce the things that lead to bad body odor.

You have bad breath? Well, brush your teeth before you go out to meet people. Brush them regularly, also for the health of your teeth. Use some breath mints or mouthwash. Because again, these are matters of paying attention to your body language.

If you're in ministry, you don't want people thinking, “Boy, does he stink.” You don't want them thinking about your odor at all. You just want them thinking about the nature of the conversation, about the Lord. And so for you, in preparation for doing all that, you want to take the measures where people aren't thinking about your odor—and really not thinking much about your appearance either. You've paid attention to it so they don't need to.

Avoid an unkempt look. Groom your hair. Dress as sharp as the occasion demands. Sometimes you know you're going to be in a very casual situation, and then you follow the rules of that particular situation. I've spoken, for example, at conferences that are held in lakeside settings and resorts where everybody in the whole place is wearing t-shirts and cut-offs or shorts. And I don't go up there in a three-piece suit and tie when I'm speaking. I put on my sandals, get on my shorts and t-shirt, and go out there and preach—because that's the setting. You need to be conscious of your setting and then dress appropriately for the situation.

We've talked about facial expression, about posture and gestures. Now let's talk a little bit about hairstyle, makeup, clothing, and jewelry. I am not an expert on hairstyle. I'm not going to give lots of detailed advice on makeup or clothing or jewelry. I'm no expert in all these areas. And God doesn't legislate everything from above on these matters either. But as part of body language, God does want us to be aware of what we're conveying to others and to use good wisdom in dealing with them.

How you're dressed conveys your situation. Here's an example from the Bible: it talks about a man who was demon-possessed, and he would live in the graveyards—the cemeteries—naked and chained.

“When Jesus stepped ashore, he was met by a demon-possessed man from the town. For a long time this man had not worn clothes or lived in a house, but had lived in the tombs” (Luke 8:27). And then Jesus cast out the demons, and then what happened? “They saw the man who had been possessed by the legion of demons, sitting there, dressed and in his right mind” (Mark 5:15). So the fact that he was now dressed up conveyed that something big had changed with this formerly crazed, demon-infested man.

Sometimes what you wear conveys something about who you are and what your status is. In the book of Genesis, Joseph is raised from being a slave to being second in command of the land of Egypt, below only Pharaoh himself:

“Pharaoh took his signet ring from his finger and put it on Joseph’s finger. He dressed him in robes of fine linen and put a gold chain around his neck” (Genesis 41:42). This was the Egyptian way of showing that this man has governing authority, and his dress showed that.

Another example comes from Jesus’ wondrous parable of the prodigal son. The kid goes out and throws away all his money, throws away all his dignity. He’s in the pig slop. And then he decides to come home and give a little speech: “Father, I know I’m not worthy to be your son. Please just take me on as a servant.” And what does the father say? He says:

“Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet” (Luke 15:22). He wears the best robe in the house. He gets a ring on his finger because he is the son of the household again—not the servant, not the slave—but one who has authority in the household.

And that is the beautiful picture of what God does when he welcomes us back. He doesn’t just forgive us—he clothes us in royal robes and gives us a signet ring of authority and puts good shoes on our feet. Again, we’re dressed for authority.

Now, given these things from the Bible, we also need to realize that how we dress does send signals about our dignity and about how we’re doing. People who are dressed like this—you know right away who they are. They are military people. They are wearing military clothes. They’re giving a military salute. Sometimes you can tell military people long after they’ve actually left the military because they still carry themselves in a certain military bearing.

People who are dressed like this—right away you know what they do for a living. They are medical personnel. They are doctors and medical technicians. Because that’s how such people dress. You don’t really feel confident if you go into a clinic and are met by a person who is just dressed in shabby clothes and looks like they just got out of a tennis match. Now, doctors play tennis, but when they’re in the business of doctoring, they dress to look like doctors—because they want to convey that and show that by the uniform they wear.

This applies to many different areas of life. There’s an appropriate way for dressing just to send a signal to other people. When we think about our dress as Christians, as followers of Jesus Christ, and especially those who may aspire to be Christian leaders, here are a few guidelines for clothing:

Dress in a way that’s attractive but not immodest; in a way that’s dignified but not extravagant; in a way that’s gendered—that shows a difference between whether you’re a man or a woman—but not legalistic about every little thing in the differences between the genders.

First, dressing to be attractive but not immodest. In the book of Ruth, Ruth is a young woman who has been widowed. She and her mother-in-law return to the land of Israel. Ruth goes to Israel for the first time because she’s a foreigner, and she’s out gleaning in fields to help make a living and get food for her and for her mother-in-law. She picks up leftovers after the harvesters. And she does this in the field of a man named Boaz. Boaz admires Ruth. He sees her working hard. He sees what a woman she is. And he says, “I know you are a woman of noble character” (Ruth 3:11). And he tells his men to be nice to her.

But one day Ruth’s mother-in-law says, “You know that Boaz—he is the leading candidate to be the person that you could marry as the one who would provide for us as a kinsman.” And so, here’s what you need to do: “You need to wash and perfume yourself and put on your best clothes” (Ruth 3:3). Because you see, Ruth doesn’t want to be seen just as that good and noble woman who’s out there gleaning. She also wants to be seen as, “I’m a woman. Are you interested?” So she’s going to dress herself and perfume herself and be her most beautiful—not in order to be just kind of shameless and immodest—but there’s a way to dress where you’re looking beautiful.

Psalm 45:11 says, “The king is enthralled by your beauty.” In Song of Songs we read a lot about the way that two people—a man and a woman—not only dress but also how they look. “You have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes” (Song of Songs 4:9), he says of his woman. And the woman says, “My beloved is dazzling and he is wholly desirable” (Song of Songs 5:10, NASB).

The gift of being beautiful or handsome is a blessing from God. And each of us—hey, look your best. But there’s a difference between looking your best, and even looking in a manner that says, “Hey, I’m single, and if you’re interested, I am a desirable person.” There’s a way of dressing that’s proper, and then there’s a way that’s totally improper.

The Bible speaks of being dressed like a prostitute: “Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent” (Proverbs 7:10). She says, “I had to offer sacrifices, and today I paid my vows.” She’s been to church! “Now come, let’s take our fill of love till morning. Let’s delight ourselves with love. For my husband isn’t home” (Proverbs 7:14–19).

You see, she’s dressed as a prostitute because she’s trying to lure some other young man into a temporary sexual liaison so she can commit adultery.

And there’s no clean, clear definition: now what’s the difference between dressing like a prostitute and doing what Ruth did—putting on her best clothes and her perfume? But you’ll know the difference when you see it, or when you do it. Are you just dressing to be lusted after, or are you dressing just to look attractive? To look beautiful? Or, if you’re a man, to look handsome and to look your best? There’s a difference between that and just trying to send sexually suggestive messages by the way that you wear your clothes.

So: be attractive—but not immodest.

The next thing is to be dignified but not extravagant. And what do I mean by extravagant? Well, the Bible talks about men and women who way overdress and get carried away in the expense of their clothing, and sometimes also in the shamelessness and immodesty of their clothing.

For example, in Isaiah the Lord says, “The women of Zion are haughty, walking along with outstretched necks, flirting with their eyes, tripping along with mincing steps, with ornaments jingling on their ankles” (Isaiah 3:16). See the body language there? It’s the way they walk. It’s the way they’re flirting with their eyes. They’ve got something going on where they’re using their body language to try to arouse lust in other people. Their motto is, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it.” If you’ve got sexual attractiveness, just make sure people know that they should have their mouths drooling for you.

And if you've got money, flaunt it. That’s the next thing they would do—these women that Isaiah talks about. And God talks about what he’s going to take away from them. Just in talking about what he’s going to take away, you can see how they overdid it:

“In that day the Lord will snatch away their finery: the bangles and headbands and crescent necklaces, the earrings and bracelets and veils, the headdresses and ankle chains and sashes, the perfume bottles and charms, the signet rings and nose rings, the fine robes and the capes and cloaks, the purses and mirrors, and the linen garments and tiaras and shawls” (Isaiah 3:18–23).

The list goes on and on and on. Today, cosmetics and clothing are multi-billion dollar industries. But it’s nothing new. People have long been ready to overdo it—to overspend so that other people would go, “Wow,” and make them envy.

It’s no better to dress in a really skimpy manner and arouse people’s lust than it is to dress in a way-expensive manner and arouse their envy. There are a couple of forms of immodesty. One is sexually immodest; the other is financially immodest, if you will—putting on huge displays of wealth.

Jesus, in his parable about the rich man and Lazarus, says: “There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day” (Luke 16:19). His clothing conveyed that “I’m richer than you are. You’re in the gutter with dogs licking your wounds, but look what I can afford.” And that’s a man who ended up in hell.

In Revelation 17, there’s a vision of a prostitute. This prostitute is named Babylon, and she’s a symbol for the seductive wealth of the world and for its way of sucking people into evil. “The woman was dressed in purple and scarlet, and was glittering with gold, precious stones and pearls” (Revelation 17:4). She is dressed in unbelievable expense. So this Babylon, this symbol of evil, is really very, very well-dressed—in fact, too well-dressed, spending way too much on clothes.

Now that’s just a symbol from a vision, but it shows us what God thinks of people who way overdo it. And it’s not just something for women. A man may not spend quite as much on jewelry—although it’s becoming more and more common for men to spend huge amounts on watches, or maybe even grab a gold chain or two or a super expensive earring—but sometimes a man’s favorite piece of expensive jewelry to make him look really important is his car. That’s where he really shows off. That’s where he really spends the bucks to show, “I’m richer than you are. I’ve got a higher status than you do.”

And women too can way overdo it. In some cultures, conspicuous displays of wealth—they wear clothing that costs millions of dollars. They wear a wardrobe that shows their extreme wealth. And this is the kind of thing that Christian people should say, “No. We don’t need to way overdo that or display our wealth and incite other people’s envy.”

So: attractive but not immodest. Dignified but not extravagant—going way over the top and spending a fortune on our clothes and jewelry.

And then: gendered—a difference between male and female—but not legalistic about it.

The Bible says in the Old Testament law for the Israelites, “A woman must not wear men’s clothing, nor a man wear women’s clothing, for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this” (Deuteronomy 22:5). The problem is that women are trying to look like men and men are trying to look like women, and God doesn’t like it.

In the New Testament, it says, “Does not the very nature of things teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him, but that if a woman has long hair, it is her glory?” (1 Corinthians 11:14–15). Now, these words are given in a particular cultural setting where a shaved head or short hair could signify that a woman was a slave. And the apostle didn’t want women to look like slaves. But also the wrong kind of hairstyle could convey that she’s either trying to be like a man or isn’t respecting her man—her husband. The way she would hold her hair would send a wrong signal, and the way a man might wear his hair could send the wrong signal.

Now that doesn’t mean in every culture hair that’s a little bit longer is evil. In fact, some of the greatest people of God were people who had long hair. Samson was a mighty man of God, and he didn’t cut his hair. In fact, when he did get a haircut, that was a big problem (Judges 16:17–19). The prophet Samuel was also a Nazirite—someone who never had his hair cut for his entire life—and he served the Lord well and powerfully (1 Samuel 1:11).

The point in 1 Corinthians 11 is that there is a cultural way of showing that you’re a man or a woman—a cultural way of having your hair—that sometimes, if you wore a certain hairstyle, it would show that you were one of the prostitutes or that you were one of the slaves who was available for sexual favors. And women of God were not to wear their hair like that. So wear your hair in a manner that conveys who you are under God, and that conveys the way God created you.

Don’t let people be confused—“Now let’s see… is that a man or a woman?”—with the way you dress or the way you do your hair. Again, I don’t want to get legalistic about it, but when too many women are wearing brush cuts, and too many men have long ponytails, you might say, “Well, that’s harmless.” But in our own culture, we’ve seen how men can be confused and start thinking they’re women, and women can get confused and start thinking they’re men—and that confusion is spreading.

We shouldn’t just say, “Oh, that’s just a totally minor matter.” It may be more serious than we think. It’s not just a matter of hairstyles, but of clothing. And many of the fashion designers deliberately want to blur or erase any distinction between male and female. So they design clothing so that the women look like the men and the men look like the women. And if they can get the hairstyles too, then the androgynous approach—half-man, half-woman—is the thing that the fashion designer is aiming for. It’s not what God is aiming for. It’s not how he made you.

Send a clear signal by your hairstyle, by your clothing, that you are who you are. If you’re a man, look like a man. If you’re a woman, look like a woman. And don’t be legalistic about it. Use this more as a guideline to help you in the decisions you make about your clothing than saying, “Oh, I believe women should always wear dresses and never pants. She’s dressing like a man—she’s evil.” No. You tend to your business, and don’t be too quick to judge others.

In Scotland, men wore skirts—which they called kilts. Different cultures have different approaches to clothing. So you have to be very careful not to impose one culture on another, or to let your own understanding of things be the legalistic legislation for everybody else.

But having said that, that doesn’t mean that anything goes. Because I’ve already pointed out: we live in a sexually confused culture where the difference between men and women is blurred. And don’t think that the social impact of different styles of clothing and different ways of relating between men and women have no impact—that people are just either born transsexual or whatever. The social setting has a huge impact.

And above all, of course, we’re seeking to honor what God says in the Bible. He created us male or female, and he wants us to express that.

When you think about clothing, here’s a really important kind of clothing to wear: wear some dignity. “She is clothed in fine linen and purple” (Proverbs 31:22)—so she’s dressed well, this woman of wisdom in Proverbs 31. She’s also clothed not just in the linen and purple. “She is clothed with strength and dignity” (Proverbs 31:25). And then the punchline: “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30).

So the main point is not just body language and clothing, but what kind of person she is. And then the kind of person she is comes through in her strength and dignity. And that, in turn, comes through even in the beauty of the way that she dresses.

The Bible speaks of our final destiny, and part of our splendor is expressed in terms of the way God is going to adorn us: “In that day the Lord Almighty will be a glorious crown, a beautiful wreath for the remnant of his people” (Isaiah 28:5). The Bible says, “Put on the Lord Jesus Christ” (Romans 13:14). Clothe yourself with Christ. Clothe yourself with God Almighty. Have him as your crown—because in the great and glorious day of the Lord, he will be your crown.

Revelation says, “Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city” (Revelation 22:14). Those robes of righteousness—that clothing of splendor.

Jesus, in one of his stories, tells of a man who didn’t have the right robes on and was thrown out of the great feast (Matthew 22:11–13). Again, he’s not just referring to, “Okay, you’ve got to get the right clothes or you’re not a Christian,” but his point is that the clothing of Christ’s righteousness is the supreme clothing that we need.

Now, a few words about body modification. The Old Testament speaks of things that people would do to their hair or to their bodies: “Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard. Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the Lord” (Leviticus 19:27–28).

Does that mean anybody who hauls out scissors and trims a little on the edge or gets a haircut is doing evil? Or that every tattoo means someone is a pagan devoted to the devil? No. But it does mean that what people did to their bodies would sometimes show whether they belonged to the Lord or to the realm of paganism.

If you remember the story of Elijah confronting the prophets of the false god Baal, Elijah offered a simple prayer. The prophets of Baal were cutting themselves in their prayers to their god, thinking that their cuts would get his attention (1 Kings 18:28). Even today, sad to say, some people cut themselves—almost compulsively. Part of that is inflicting punishment on themselves. They feel better when they hurt. That is sometimes even a reason for getting a pile of tattoos. A tattoo is not just a paste-on. A tattoo hurts when you get it. And some people do it partly for the pain itself.

Some modify their bodies very significantly. Maybe you’ve never heard of apotemnophilia—it means the desire to cut off healthy limbs. There are some people who think they would look better or be more attractive if their arm or legs were cut off. And there have actually been surgeons who were willing to cut off healthy limbs because a person felt like they ought to be an amputee and wanted to be an amputee. So the doctor gave them what they wanted.

A more common form of that these days is the whole approach to the transgender situation. A man doesn’t like being a man. He feels that he’s not really a man—he’s not a man on the inside. He may have fathered children, have all the chromosomal aspects of a man and all the physical features of a man, and everything would say “that’s a man” from looking or physical characteristics. And yet he declares himself a woman. So a surgeon removes his male private parts, does reconstructive surgery, and offers hormones to give him breasts. This is overwhelming body modification, and it’s really no different than those surgeons who cut off healthy limbs because people wanted to be amputees.

They are radically changing their body and their sexual identity from the one that God gave them in their physical bodies. This is a disastrous form of body language. It’s one that is to be grieved over and not just judged. Because someone who is so ill at ease with their own identity as a man or a woman obviously has some great struggles and some deep pain. So this should not be viewed apart from compassion and love.

But neither should it be viewed as, “Yeah, whatever. A man can be a woman if he wants, a woman can become a man if she wants.” Whatever. The Creator created us male and female (Genesis 1:27), and a man can’t turn into a woman, and a woman can’t turn into a man. They can mutilate their bodies, but they can’t make themselves what they’re not.

So part of our body language is learning to love our own bodies and the bodies that God gave us. Body modification can involve things like trying to change your gender. It can also just involve the way you color your hair, the amount of tattoos and piercings you get.

Many Christians throughout history just avoided tattoos and piercings because those were more common in pagan cultures, and they wanted to be different from the culture they were coming out of. Today, somebody might just do something because they think it’s stylish. But very often, when there are extremes of body piercing or extremes of tattooing, it shows someone very uncomfortable with who they are and with their appearance.

Again, it may be a cause of compassion and not necessarily of judgment right away. But when you’re thinking about yourself, what are you going to do? That’s the place to begin. What are you going to do? Are you going to thank God for who he made you and trust that he gave you the looks he wanted you to have? And then still maintain your appearance? Take good care of your hair?

I’m not going to legislate it all, but don’t mutilate yourself. Don’t disfigure yourself beyond recognition. God made you. You’re fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Don’t mess up God’s handiwork too much. Just trust that you’re a beautiful person and that God made you the way he wanted you to be.

Your facial expression, your posture and gestures, your hairstyle, makeup, clothing and jewelry, how you handle your body, and how much or how little you choose to modify it—these are ways that you care for your look. They’re not the most important thing in the Christian life. But that doesn’t mean they don’t matter. You want, as a Christian—and especially as a Christian leader—to convey a message, a proper message, about the Lord Jesus Christ, about who he’s made you. And your body language has a role in doing all that.

The most important thing, of course, is still reality, not just appearance. The prophet Samuel was told by the Lord, “People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).

I remember hearing about a man who came to a men’s rally. This was a large rally of church-going men who were there to praise God. Someone came riding up to that rally on his motorcycle wearing a leather jacket and a long beard, and having a few tattoos. A more properly dressed person—at least in his own mind—went up to the man on the motorcycle and said, “Where’d you come from?” And he says, “I’ve been riding for a couple thousand miles.” “Well, how’d you happen to come to this rally?” “I heard that people were here to praise the Lord,” and so I drove all those miles. And he says, “I’ve been praising my Jesus the whole way.” And that well-dressed man who had been kind of looking down on the biker who rode up was feeling very ashamed, because he realized that this man had a greater love for the Lord and a greater zeal for the Lord than he did.

So we do have to not judge by outer appearance, but realize that God looks at the heart. Charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30). And as Jesus himself put it, “Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment” (John 7:24).

So, getting your body language all correct and right, and not having a transformed heart—you’d still be a disaster. On the other hand, if your heart is transformed by the Lord, and you’re still a little off on your body language, or you’ve got a little body odor, or you’ve got a few extra piercings that some people might not like—hey, God knows your heart, and God loves you.

So we ought not to make too harsh judgments about other people. The point of this talk is to help us think about our own situation and what our own appearance is conveying. And at the same time, is it an overflow of my heart and my love for God?

As the text we started out with says: “I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing” (1 Timothy 2:8). We focused earlier on the holy hands and the body language. But what really matters is, of course, “without anger or disputing.” God wants us to be praying people who aren’t fighting and arguing and bickering and full of rage. That’s the real important thing. And the holy hands are just an expression of that.

He wants the women to dress modestly and not get all carried away with their clothing or their jewelry, but he wants them to be dressed with good deeds (1 Timothy 2:9–10). That’s really the point of the passage—be dressed with the good deeds. And then maybe some appropriate body language will be an expression of the kind of person you are.

So keep the balance. Realize that the important thing is the heart—the way we relate to God and love him, the way we relate to God and other people—and then become wiser as you can about: what does my body language communicate when I go in for an interview? What does my body language communicate when I am in a conversation with another person? What does my body language communicate if I’m called upon to teach or to preach the gospel in a particular setting?

How shall I dress? How shall I do my hair? How shall I take care of myself? These things are not the most important, but if you’re going to be in public life and in communication, they are valuable things to know. And if you are simply living the Christian life, to live in a way that’s not showing off your wealth or trying to make others envious, to conduct yourself in a way that’s not accidentally or deliberately inciting lust in other people—but rather dressing more modestly—and realizing that, hey, God created us male and female, let’s look like it.

To keep those things in mind while not being harsh and judgmental toward others will be a good thing as we serve the Lord and his people.

Body Language: Caring for Your Look
By David Feddes
Slide Contents

 

Man’s
 job interview

• Polish your shoes.
• Groom your hair neatly.
• No visible tattoos or piercings.
• Leave earring or nose ring at home.
• Dress up; don’t dress too casually.

 

Woman’s
 job interview

• Don’t get too fancy with hair.
• Go easy on the makeup.
• Don’t overdo perfume.
• Limit your jewelry.
• Avoid skimpy, tight clothing

Body language

I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing. I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. (1 Timothy 2:8-10)

Body language in 
worship and prayer

• Clap your hands. (Psalm 47:1)
• Let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the LORD our Maker. (Psalm 95:6)
• Praise him with dancing. (Ps 150:4)
• I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer. (1 Timothy 2:8)

Body language
: Caring for your look

• Facial expression
• Posture, gestures
• Hairstyle, makeup
• Clothing, jewelry
• Body modification

Negative body language

• A worthless person, a wicked man…  winks with his eyes, signals with his feet, points with his finger. (Prov 6:12-13)
• The look on their faces testifies against them; they parade their sin like Sodom. (Isaiah 3:9)
• They made their faces harder than stone and refused to repent. (Jeremiah 5:3)

Positive body language

• Those who look to the Lord are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. (Psalm 34:5)
• A glad heart makes a cheerful face… Light in a messenger’s eyes brings joy to the heart… When a king’s face brightens, it means life. (Proverbs 15:13, 30; 16:15)

Wordless messages

• Folding arms in defiance
• Rolling eyes in disrespect
• Sticking out tongue in contempt
• Raising hands, shaking fists
• Index finger, middle finger, thumb
• Avoiding eye contact
• Drooping shoulders in defeat

Better body language

• Stand straight, shoulders back, chin up
• Smile, look in the eye
• Firm handshake, don’t cross arms
• Don’t chew nails, twirl hair, tap fingers
• Body odor? Shower, use deodorant
• Bad breath? Brush teeth, breath mints
• Unkempt look? Groom hair, dress sharp

Body language: 
Caring for your look

• Facial expression
• Posture, gestures
• Hairstyle, makeup
• Clothing, jewelry
• Body modification

Dressed and sane

When Jesus stepped ashore, he was met by a demon-possessed man from the town. For a long time this man had not worn clothes or lived in a house, but had lived in the tombs… They saw the man who had been possessed by the legion of demons, sitting there, dressed and in his right mind. (Luke 8:27, 35)

Dressed for authority

Pharaoh took his signet ring from his finger and put it on Joseph's finger. He dressed him in robes of fine linen and put a gold chain around his neck. (Genesis 41:42)

“Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.” (Luke 15:22)

Appropriate clothing

• Attractive but not immodest
• Dignified but not extravagant
• Gendered but not legalistic

Dressed to attract

• Wash and perfume yourself, and put on your best clothes. (Ruth 3:3)
• The king is enthralled by your beauty. (Psalm 45:11)
• You have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes. (Song 4:9)
• My beloved is dazzling… And he is wholly desirable. (Song 5:10-16)

Dressed like a prostitute

The woman meets him, dressed as a prostitute. She says, “I had to offer sacrifices, and today I have paid my vows…Come, let us take our fill of love till morning; let us delight ourselves with love. For my husband is not at home.” (Proverbs 7:10, 18-19)

Appropriate clothing

• Attractive but not immodest
• Dignified but not extravagant
• Gendered but not legalistic

Fancy flirting

• The LORD says, “The women of Zion are haughty, walking along with out-stretched necks, flirting with their eyes, tripping along with mincing steps, with ornaments jingling on their ankles.” (Isaiah 3:16)
• Motto: If you’ve got it, flaunt it!

Overdressed

In that day the Lord will snatch away their finery: the bangles and headbands and crescent necklaces, the earrings and bracelets and veils, the headdresses and ankle chains and sashes, the perfume bottles and charms, the signet rings and nose rings, the fine robes… the purses and mirrors, and the linen garments and tiaras and shawls. (Isaiah 3:18-23)

There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. (Luke 16:19)

The woman was dressed in purple and scarlet, and was glittering with gold, precious stones and pearls. (Rev 17:4)

Appropriate clothing

• Attractive but not immodest
• Dignified but not extravagant
• Gendered but not legalistic

Gender-appropriate

A woman must not wear men’s clothing, nor a man wear women’s clothing, for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this. (Deuteronomy 22:5).

Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears long hair it is a disgrace for him, but if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? (1 Corinthians 11:14-15)

 
Appropriate clothing

• Attractive but not immodest
• Dignified but not extravagant
• Gendered but not legalistic

Clothed with dignity

She is clothed in fine linen and purple... She is clothed with strength and dignity… Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeing, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:22, 25.30)

Clothed in splendor

In that day the LORD Almighty will be a glorious crown, a beautiful wreath for the remnant of his people. (Isaiah 28:5)

Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city. (Revelation 22:14)

Body modification

You shall not round off the hair on your temples or mar the edges of your beard. You shall not make any cuts on your body for the dead or tattoo yourselves: I am the Lord. (Leviticus 19:27-28)

Body language
: Caring for your look

• Facial expression
• Posture, gestures
• Hairstyle, makeup
• Clothing, jewelry
• Body modification

Appearance and reality

• People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. (1 Sam 16:7).
• Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)
• Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment. (John 7:24)

Beyond body language

I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing. I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. (1 Timothy 2:8-10)