Slides: Painful Feelings

By David Feddes

Emotional fitness

• In tune with reality, others, and God.
• Displayed appropriately.
• Linked with other parts of total fitness.
• Sense true and deep realities.
• Hints of your heart and of God’s heart.
• Limited pain, unlimited pleasure.

Exploring your emotions

Pleasant feelings

• Hope, joy
• Purity, dignity
• Peace, love

Painful feelings

• Fear, sadness
• Guilt, shame
• Anger, hate

 
Psalm 69

¹ Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. ² I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. ³ I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God.

⁴ Those who hate me without reason 
outnumber the hairs of my head; many are my enemies without cause, those who seek to destroy me. I am forced to restore what I did not steal.

⁵ You know my folly, O God; 
my guilt is not hidden from you. 

⁶ May those who hope in you not be disgraced because of me, O Lord, the LORD Almighty; may those who seek you not be put to shame because of me, O God of Israel. ⁷ For I endure scorn for your sake, and shame covers my face… ⁹ for zeal for your house consumes me, and the insults of those who insult you fall on me. 

¹³ But I pray to you, O LORD, in the time of your favor; in your great love, O God, answer me with your sure salvation.

¹⁴ Rescue me from the mire, do not let me sink; deliver me from those who hate me… ¹⁷ Do not hide your face from your servant; answer me quickly, for I am in trouble. ¹⁸ Come near and rescue me; redeem me because of my foes.

¹⁹ You know how I am scorned, disgraced and shamed; all my enemies are before you. ²⁰ Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless; I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none. ²¹ They put gall in my food and gave me vinegar for my thirst…

²³ May their eyes be darkened so they cannot see, and their backs be bent forever. ²⁴ Pour out your wrath on them; let your fierce anger overtake them…

²⁶ For they persecute those you wound and talk about the pain of those you hurt. ²⁷ Charge them with crime upon crime; do not let them share in your salvation…

²⁹ I am in pain and distress; may your salvation, O God, protect me. ³⁰ I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving…³² The poor will see and be glad—you who seek God, may your hearts live! ³³ The LORD hears the needy and does not despise his captive people.

Painful feelings

• Fear, sadness
• Guilt, shame
• Anger, hate

Fear, sadness

My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death assail me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me…Destructive forces are at work in the city; threats and lies never leave its streets. (Psalm  55)

Misguided fear, sadness

The wicked man flees though no one pursues. (Proverbs 28:1)

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe. (Proverbs 29:25)

Ahab lay on his bed sulking and refused to eat. (1 Kings 21:4)

Healthy fear, sadness

Do not fear what they fear, and do not dread it. The LORD Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy, he is the one you are to fear, he is the one you are to dread. (Isaiah 8:12-13)

Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. (James 4:9)

Jesus’ fear and sadness

He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled… Jesus wept. (John 11:33)

“Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’?” (John 12:27)

“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” (Mark 14:34)

Beyond fear, sadness

When I am afraid, I will trust in you… Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll… In God I trust; I will not be afraid. (Psalm 56:3)

Everlasting joy will crown their heads. 
Gladness and joy will overtake them, 
and sorrow and sighing will flee away. (Isaiah 35:10)

Guilt, shame

Let us lie down in our shame, and let our disgrace cover us. We have sinned against the LORD our God. (Jeremiah 3:25)

Are they ashamed of their loathsome conduct? No, they have no shame at all; they do not even know how to blush. (Jeremiah 6:15; 8:12)

Healthy guilt, shame

Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight… Surely you desire truth in the inner parts… Create in me a pure heart, O God...  Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Save me from bloodguilt, O God… a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. (Psalm 51)

Wrongly shamed

Even if I am innocent, I cannot lift my head, for I am full of shame and drowned in my affliction. (Job 10:15)

How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame? (Psalm 4:2)

I endure scorn for your sake, and shame covers my face. (Psalm 69:7)

Shaming God

They profaned my holy name… I had concern for my holy name, which the house of Israel profaned…. Be ashamed and disgraced for your conduct, O house of Israel! (Ezekiel 36:20-32)

For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.” (Rom 15:3)

Jesus’ guilt and shame

He was counted among those who were sinners. He bore the sins of many and interceded for sinners. (Isaiah 53:12)

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:2)

Misguided anger, hate

An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins. (29:22)

Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. (Genesis 4:5)

I hate him because he never prophesies anything good about me, but always bad. (1 Kings 22:8)

God’s anger and hate

Who knows the power of your anger? For your wrath is as great as the fear that is due you. (Psalm 90:11)

The Lord hates the wicked and the one who loves violence. (Psalm 11:5) The LORD hates people with twisted hearts… The LORD hates those who don't keep their word. (Proverbs 11:20; 12:22)

Healthy anger, hate

The righteous will rejoice when he sees the vengeance; he will bathe his feet in the blood of the wicked. (Psalm 58:10)

Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord? … I hate them with complete hatred; I count them my enemies. (Psalm 139:21-22)

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. (Romans 12:9)

Sad and mad at God

But now you have rejected and humbled us… You gave us up to be devoured like sheep… All this happened to us, though we had not forgotten you or been false to your covenant… But you crushed us … and covered us over with deep darkness.  Awake, O Lord! Why do you sleep? (Psalm 44)

Limit anger, hate

In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. (Psalm 4:4)

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. (Eph 4:26-27)

Search me, O God, and know my heart. (Psalm 139:23)

Painful feelings

• Fear, sadness
• Guilt, shame
• Anger, hate

Avoiding emotions

The reason we don’t want to feel is that feeling exposes the tragedy of our world and the darkness of our hearts. To be aware of what we feel can open us to questions we would rather ignore. For many of us, that is why it is easier not to feel. But a failure to feel leaves us barren and distant from God and others. (Dan Allender & Tremper Longman)

Heart knowledge

Emotions give hints of your heart.

• What your heart is doing with reality.
• What your heart is doing with others.
• What you heart is doing with God.

Emotions give hints of God’s heart.

• Your feelings hint at God’s feelings.
• God’s feelings reveal his character.

Emotional fitness

Fit emotions feel deep realities.

Life is far worse than I dare to admit.
Life is far better than I dare to dream.

I am far worse than I dare to admit.
I am far greater than I dare to dream.

God is far harsher than I dare to fear.
God is far kinder than I dare to hope.

Emotional fitness

• In tune with reality, others, and God.
• Displayed appropriately.
• Linked with other parts of total fitness.
• Sense true and deep realities.
• Hints of your heart and of God’s heart.
• Limited pain, unlimited pleasure.

Explore painful feelings

• What triggers you to feel afraid, sad, guilty, ashamed, angry, or hateful?
• How do your feelings affect your behavior?
• What are your painful feelings saying about reality, others, and God?
• What do your painful feelings point to in your heart and God’s heart?
• Do painful feelings outweigh pleasant?

Helping sick emotions

• Seek and maintain total fitness.
• Check with physician or nutritionist in case bodily problem is affecting emotions.
• Consult counselor/therapist to see if mental illness or deep wound affects you.
• Ask godly guide to explore whether your emotional pain might have spiritual roots.

Trust amid pain

• Address unhealthy pain that doesn’t have spiritual roots or spiritual cure.
• Pray the Psalms of disorientation.
• Fix your eyes on Jesus, who suffered for you, and the Spirit groaning in you.
• Embrace Jesus’ cross, and take your cross. Count on resurrection life.