Slides: Forgiving and Restoring

By David Feddes

 

Forgive others as God forgave you

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31-32)

Forgiving & restoring

To forgive another means to cancel the debt of what is owed in order to provide a door of opportunity for repentance and restoration of the broken relationship. (Dan Allender and Tremper Longman, Bold Love)

Forgiveness

• Wanting restoration
• Revoking revenge
• Pursuing goodness

Wanting restoration

• NOT reunion with a wicked person in a warped relationship.
• Wanting the offender repentant and restored in God’s image.
• Wanting the relationship restored to healthy love and respect.

Twisting forgiveness

• Exaggerator: Everything that irritates me is a major sin for me to forgive.
• Superstar: Others are always wrong and must admit it. I am always right and am superb at forgiving if you beg me.
• Manipulator: My job is to keep hurting you; your job is to keep forgiving me.
• Doormat: I am too weak and afraid to insist that you repent and change.

Forgiveness is 
an invitation

Forgiveness is an invitation to reconciliation, not the blind, cheap granting of it… Forgiveness involves a heart that cancels the debt but does not lend new money until repentance occurs. (Allender and Longman)

Forgiveness

• Wanting restoration
• Revoking revenge
• Pursuing goodness 

Revoking revenge

Do not repay anyone evil for evil… If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath… Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:14-21)

• Vengeance is a good thing—but not the best thing. Salvation is.
• Now is not the right time. I will wait patiently for Judgment Day.
• I am not the right judge. God is the final Judge, and earthly punishment is the task of the proper authority.

Package policy

Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. (Matthew 5:7)

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:14-15)

You cannot choose grace as God’s policy toward you but grudges as your policy toward others. You have just two choices:
Live under a policy where all debts are canceled and all sins forgiven.
OR
Live under a policy where no debts are canceled and nothing is forgiven.

Forgive and forget?

• Forgiving is not forgetting or being totally free of pain and anger.
• Forgiving a serious wrong is not just a one-time event but a process.
• As harm is more fully faced, it takes deeper forgiveness to overcome.

Benefits of forgiving

• Experiencing mercy: Assurance of God’s forgiveness grows as you forgive others.
• Repairing relationships: Forgiveness keeps Satan out, the Spirit happy, and loved ones close to each other.
• Defeating enemies: Forgiving those who harm you keeps their cruelty from controlling you and leaves them to God.

Power to forgive

• God’s grace is flowing to you and flowing through you.
• Your reborn self loves and forgives.
• You are in God’s kingdom; God’s kingdom is in you.
• You are in Christ; Christ is in you.

Revoking revenge

What would you do if God gave you the choice between pushing a button on your left, which would utterly destroy your father at this minute, or a button on your right, which would lead to radical, deep repentance and the kind of change that would make him the father God intended him to be? (Dan Allender)

Forgiveness

• Wanting restoration
• Revoking revenge
• Pursuing goodness

Overcome evil
 with good

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing. (1 Peter 3:9)

Hate what is evil; cling to what is good… Do not be overcome by evil, but over-come evil with good. (Romans 12:9, 21)

Help your enemy

If you meet your enemy’s ox or his donkey going astray, you shall bring it back to him. (Exodus 23:4)

If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. (Proverbs 25:21-22)

Love and rebuke

Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt. Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. (Leviticus 19:17-18)

Rebuke and forgive

If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, “I repent,” forgive him. (Luke 17:3)

Pursuing goodness

Bold love is the tenacious, irrepressible energy to do good in order to surprise and conquer evil. Love may demand change; love may bring consequences for a failure to change; love may withhold involvement until beauty is pursued; love may hurt the other for the sake of a greater good. (Dan Allender)

Restore gently

Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. (Gal 6:1)

Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.

(James 5:20)

Excommunication

A refusal to normalize a wicked relationship is a gift of excommunication that waits for the sinner’s return but does not offer deep relationship until he acknowledges and deals with his sin. (Dan Allender, The Wounded Heart)

Love your enemy

• The enemy you love is still your enemy, not your friend.
• Loving an enemy does not mean liking his personality or behavior; it means seeking his good.
• Seek the good of a wicked fool or mocker by challenging his evil.

Do good to enemy

• Stay joyful; count yourself blessed when you suffer for doing right as Jesus’ follower.
• Do what pleases God and helps your enemy. His sin doesn’t control you.
• Challenge sinful patterns, even if you may be risking rejection and attack.

Forgiveness

• Wanting restoration
• Revoking revenge
• Pursuing goodness