Video Transcript: Life Coach Minister Training - Part Three

Steve - Again, Steve Elzinga here with Henry Reyenga. We're just doing a little bit of a  coaching thing we've looked at, what coaching is not what coaching is, looked at the three  things that a coach actually does. And then we looked at some prerequisites. So once you sort of climatized your client to the whole process what it is, and they're feeling good. And I would  also do a little rapport, I mean, we know each other, yeah. But if I didn't know you do a little  talking, what do you do for a living? How? You don't know the person? It just a little bit of  banter of stuff you learn in the people smart class. Right? Right, you have to do some of that,  or the mean, and find out who they are. Right? Yeah. You know, we've we've done that many  years. So we're pretty comfortable with that. Alright, so now once I've done all of that now,  how do I get into what we're going to do how we're going to talk about this  

Henry - in the first session, or a second? Probably we still in the first session in the How long  do sessions last?  

Steve - I think it's I shouldn't shouldn't last more than an hour. Okay. So most an hour and a  half, but now around. Otherwise, it gets fatigue, and people get tired. And, and also,  sometimes a session can be going really well. And you're having a great time. And you might  go for three hours. Right? And everyone enjoyed every minute of it. Right? The problem is  that when the client is thinking about the next meeting, and you think, to go three hours, and  then they're like, so that's me, that's too small group meetings, anything, right? It can be  good at the moment, but later on people go, man, I don't know if I have three hours. People  don't know. So I would stick with the time whenan hour is, probably the best to just an hour  and say, you know our time is up, right? Because otherwise, you drag things out, and then  people don't want to go. Right. So. Okay, so now we're ready to the actual account coaching.  And, you know, where do you even begin, like, a whole world out there. So what I have is, in  the course, we learned about different different models, you could look at this area, you can  look at that area, all these different areas. But before you get into any models, I think there's  just a basic way of doing it. Two basic questions. So I'm going to start out with the basic data.  That's all in the Alright, there. Okay. So, right here, I'm going to try to help it says you're  number one, help the client figure out what they want to do. Okay. Decision. So, I'm trying to  help you come up and make a decision about something right. Okay. But now, we need to  explore some things before you can make a decision. So I have three questions. Okay. All  right. In the decision in the Explore exploration, there's a decision of some sort of action.  Okay. So number one, and you can pick whichever one of these three you like. Okay. Okay. So  number one, where in your life, do you think it would be helpful to have a coach? Oh, number  two, where in your life? Are you hurting? Okay. Number three, where in your life would you  like to see some improvement? Okay. So which one of these three sort of grabs your  interests? So, where in your life? Do you think it would be helpful to have a coach? Where are  in your life, are you hurting? Where in your life would you like to just see some improvement  or advancement? So you know, I'm a guitar player I'm not hurting in my guitar playing, but it  might be something I want to advance to the next level?  

Henry - Well, you know, I mean, I'm honestly, I didn't answer all three of them and give a lot  of different places like what was said, learn more about that. And, you know, it seems like  every age of parenting as the kids get older than you know, there's like all these other  problems. Leadership of Christian Leaders Institute, the ministries here you know, I get it I  have like several things, how to raise more money from ministry training, that was a gift to  not even figure out more about that and learn how to despite torque program, I mean, this is  all brand new and my role in this. You're rolling with all of those things. I can go on and on.  But there's other ones I could see that I need a little help.  

Steve - Give me just give me two to sort of the questions again, gate one is where your life do you think it would be helpful to have a coach Okay, so the things like work, marriage, health,  right? Relaxation, whatever it might be number two, where your life are you hurting. Okay? So

that would you know, your time or your your health might be a problem relationships might  be a problem or number three where your life would you like to see some improvement?  

Henry - Right? Right? Well, probably probably in the health, you know, I have lost weight  recently, but I just want to get better at learning how to prioritize exercising.  

Steve - Okay, so now, early before you said that, when you were struggling, you had a million  things you could do, right? So my instinct, as the pastor is I want to help you, I see that you're gonna say something, I want to say something. So just I want to suggest that. Yeah, cuz I  don't want you sitting there. I don't know, there's so many things is like, you know, I see you  struggling. And now you're struggling. And because you're struggling, it's not working. It's not  working that I feel like I'm not doing a good job of coaching. So you're probably like, but I  don't, but I shouldn't help you. I think right? That's where I'm saying you have to trust the  process. Right? You have to, you have to it takes longer. It's easier to just tell your kids what  to do. Right? than to have them figure it out. That's the whole trial by error long process. I'd  rather just, you know, in fact, most parents would just rather do it themselves. Don't ask kids  how to do?  

Henry - Well, I think too, as you're asking, this is fascinating. How was going through my  mind? Like, part of it was like, Well, I have that problem. I won't mention that one. Do I like to  improve that one? Or maybe it comes down to in the first session? My trust process? I trust  you. Right. So the easiest one for me is? Oh, exercise. Yeah.  

Steve - But and that's okay. Okay. Right. Because you don't trust me? Why? Right? And and  why should the person trust them? And they don't just themselves. And they don't even  maybe know themselves? What their real problem is? Right? Okay. So that's where as a  counselor, I know your problem. And I want to say it, right, right. I don't want to go through  this camouflaged thing and waste their time on something that isn't the real problem. I want  to get to the real problem. Yeah, right. So I want to shortchange the process and get to it  because I'm in a hurry, right. But then I'm short changing the coaching thing. And once we  can establish a winning formula, right, then it becomes easier and easier and easier and  easier. And you finally are doing the things that you really want to do. But in the beginning,  you're right, it's people are going to be a little cautious. And that's okay. Right. So what is like  practice as a practice run? Right, in some ways,  

Henry - and I can see to where there are times when safe little problems are going to be first,  but then as the relationship of trust develops, more complicated problems may be brought  up. Right? And that's okay, too. But then it might take a little time.  

Steve - So you actually did what what is second? So I have these three questions that get you  to think, you know, in your whole life, right, where do I want to focus? And then you know,  you're this and you mentioned, the money and right, on and on and on the so that's sort of  the exploration questions, and then you have the zeroing in. And the zero in question is, of all  the answers that you came up with, to the above questions, which would you like to focus on  and that's what you said, Okay, health, right. Okay.  

Henry - Okay, so what you did bring that up, right? So you already had this memorized? Yes.  But now you're going through the card for the benefit of everybody to like, okay,  

Steve - so we have the exploring questions. And then we have the zeroing in because you're  going to explore and come up with hundreds of things. Right? So you just get a list. And then,  okay, of all those things, right? What do you really what really grabs your attention? Gotcha.  And, you know, instead of saying which one is the most important, which one is the most  everyone say important? Because that's what's too much pressure on the person. I don't  know. I don't know if it's important. So sometimes it just, which one of these gets your 

attention? And they're going to zero in on whatever they're going to zero in And then maybe  the one that's most important, I don't know. Okay, but I'm gonna let you figure that out. And  then so so we have explore zero in. And then the last thing is the action points. So okay, so  what do you want to do about your health?  

Henry - Right? Are we in real time? Yeah. You said you're, you're losing weight, but I am but  what? Well, I feel like I feel like I'm, you know, not as fast as I used to be getting up. Getting  up from the floor is not as easy as I once did. I mean, I actually started feel like I'm 58 years  

old. And and I don't have any, like symptoms of how other than I'm starting to feel like my  muscles are not what they once were.  

Steve - So is, is it you just have to come to terms with being 58? Or is there something you  want to do about it?  

Henry - I want to complain about how quickly let go the night.  

Steve - Notice, I think this is really good, because that's what a lot of counseling is. People just want to complain. Right? But when you stick it to them and say, so what do you want to do  about it? No, I just want to complain. Right? They want to complain about their see you have  two married people, and they want to complain, right? And you got a parent, and they want to complain about the child and they want to complain about their boss, they want to complain,  right? But what but what's, and that's what's effective about coaching is we can complain all  day long. And people like to complain. Yeah, but so and that's fine. We don't you know, don't  you know, if you're a coach and they're complaining, that's fine, because a lot of people need  to complain, they have so much complaining to get out of their system. Right, right. But  what's nice that was nice as a coach is you always come back to you. Okay. So what do you  want to do about it? Right? Oh, and they might be launching another complaint. Okay, yeah,  that makes sense. I get that. Yeah. Okay. So what do you want to do about it?  

Henry - Right. At some point, I'm just going to say, well, I'm going to join Planet Fitness. Or  whatever. I don't know what you want. I get that. Yeah.  

Steve - So what do you want to do, Henry?  

Henry - Well, I did actually enjoy. And I joined two, we still have gone three times. Okay.  Steve - Are you happy with that? I am. Okay. Do you have a specific goal on this thing?  Henry - Well, I like to go twice a week.  

Steve - Okay. Do you have a time or something? So it's just sort of ways you like it kind of a  thing? Yeah. Is that working?  

Henry - Not the best?  

Steve - What would you like to do differently?  

Henry - I like to have a power at time that I, there's a habit that I actually go. And then to my  schedule. Probably what I should do is just talk to Rhonda and say to Rhonda Rhonda Rhonda  Rhonda is our Executive Administrator here at Christian Leaders And, and she's really good at  putting things on the scheduling. First of all, I have to do them a schedule, right.  

Steve - So is that what you want to do? 

Henry - Yeah, I guess. I do actually, I want to do that. And I said, No, I need to schedule a  meeting with Rhonda and say, when twice a week, send it over to plan,  

Steve - you know, you want to do it twice a week, and you want her to schedule it for you.  

Henry - Right? Like it's just it's complicated schedule, and just say, Okay, here's what we're  doing.  

Steve - Alright, so are you willing to do that this next week? Yep. And so if we talk again next  week, right, that's the next phase right? Management, right? I mean, this this, this goal is not  so complicated that we need to be outliers, right? It's just one thing to do. If, if it, you know, if  we spent our whole hour here, there might be several things to do in the health thing, eating  right, and all these other things. And then we need a plan that involves three or four or five  different things, right? But we're just sticking with this one simple little thing. And really,  that's not a bad way to start. Because you save the reality is I want to win here, right? I want  you to win, right? Because if we can get a win on this then we can get to the next thing and  the next thing and the next thing and all of a sudden, you're going, Hey, this works, right?  And now you're eager to put stuff on the plate rather than a little reluctant, right? In the  beginning, people are like, I don't want to put that I am fighting with my wife down there, or  whatever, you know, we're embarrassed by some of the things that that we failed at simple  things like, you know, be more encouraging to our kids, right? And I don't want to come to  that yet. But if we get a few wins under our belt, then it's like, okay, I see what happens. I'm  not going to get hurt here. Right? It's actually going to go well,  

Henry - what is really interesting too my own feeling about this, is that I've been thinking that  I should talk to Rhonda about this, especially in light of the fact that I've only gone like three  times in like, two weeks or whatever. And I thought about that. But now that I actually  committed and said, I'm going to, is fascinating, I'm actually going to do it.  

Steve - Well, we'll see.  

Henry - I actually, I have a better shot of doing it now than before, when I was eight, I believe  you is.  

Steve - So as a coach, my job is to believe you to say, Wow, that sounds like a really good  plan. It seems like you, you know, you seem pretty motivated on this. Right? So, hey, let's  make this our goal. And and next time when we meet, we'll talk about this. And then, you  know, now, he, you know, what you'll discover is, and the client sometimes will discover this,  

too, that in this moment, it's easy to get motivated you like, remember those days where  you're trying to get people into a walk with God. And we would share the 90s we were  sharing, you know, reading the Bible and talking and listening to God, and everyone we talked to was like, yeah, and they were gonna do it,  

Henry - that was like, our coaching for the connections era,  

Steve - they then they thought it was going to be easy.  

Henry - And you know, that was in the era when Rich DeVos was directly mentoring us in the  coaching type of thinking.  

Steve - Right. Right. Right. And and realizing how you need to follow up. Right? Because those that moment of decision energy only last so long, right? So is that you know, continuing so  the management piece is really the biggest piece of gold thing, right? But in the beginning,  good job, good plan. Absolutely. You know, you came up with something. It's very concrete. 

It's measurable. You can do it or not do it and, and it's something you can do. And if you do do it, you're gonna feel a sense.  

Henry - Remember, in those days, we had a sticker. Yep. Like 21 day. Yeah, reading the Bible  and 21 days. Here's your sticker for knowing about managing, yes, a decision. Yeah. Want to  read the Bible. We have a plan. Yes.  

Steve - Remember people, you know, we said, if you if you read the Bible, 21 days in a row,  you get this sticker. I don't need a sticker. I don't need any of this stuff. But then when people  did it, and you handed them the sticker, they very carefully peeled it off and placed it very  nicely in their Bible.  

Henry - So it changed their life because they read the Bible and prayed every day. Right?  

Steve - And it was a lot harder than they thought it would be. So So decision is only part of it  is then we'll move on to management. All right, Henry, great job.