Video Transcript: Life Coach Tips from Rich DeVos - Part Two

All right, well, welcome back. We're looking at some of the tips, the coaching tips that we  learned from Rich DeVos. One of the most influential people all over the world, his name is  known all over the world superstar master coach, life coach, his company is in almost every  country in the world. You know, whatever country you're from, there's probably Amway  distributors, there all influenced by, you know, one man, two men, there was two guys that  handle Rich and young men decided to make a coaching style business. Yeah. And hundreds  of thousands of distributors all over the world, and they passionately loved Jesus. Yeah, I you  know, I think I want to talk about that real quickly. I mean, sometimes people go like Amway,  or they got a bad experience with Amway. Many people have accused Amway of being like,  you know, multi level marketing thing, and we will no, no, we're not trying to get all of that.  Many people have been so blessed by Amway, the doers were blessed by Amway, and many  people learned. This is not network marketing, we're not trying to get you to join Amway. Rich  was always clear about that, we don't want anyone to join Amway of what you're doing.  You've asked me to coach you in reproducible principles, and Rich was very willing to do that  he did not care if one person ever didn't Amway from the work of our ministry. So I want to  being very clear, because sometimes people go like, Well, do you want us to be in Amway, no, we're about the gospel and Rich and Jay van. Andel, were about the gospel. That was their  bottom line, that was there bottom line. How do we help people? Yeah.So we looked at a  number eight was our last one, then I sort of jumped to the question of number nine. So  here's number nine, help people discover and pursue their dreams. Well, that's Rich said just  talked about. He didn't care about Amway in our relationship, we cared about our luxury.  What's your in fact, Yeah, in the Amway plan? That's the first question that's asked, What is  your dream? Yeah. And not? And if the Amway thing fits into your dream as a possibility,  right? Fine. If not, that's fine, too. So we saw that we saw that it was really cool to put the  onus on the person instead, you know, the evangelism that you and I engaged before that  was, is I have great news for you. And here's the download that I want to give to you. And I  think it will make your life better. And what we saw with Rich is no, what do people even  want? Right? And then if they want something that relates to the Gospel, then you can  provide it. Yeah. So start with what people want. And so we took that, and we, we just added  one word, what's your spiritual dream? Like the Amway would say, What's your dream? We  added, What's your spiritual dream? Well, what do you mean by the word spiritual, and  whatever you want it to mean, I just asked the guy two days ago, that, you know, it's kind of a lost puppy. 28 year old, never married, living in his parents basement, basement and so on.  And so I just asked him, so what's your spiritual dream? And he was like, Well, what do you  mean by spiritual? Or whatever what the answer is. And he was struggled, he's one of these  guys, you know, doesn't read books, doesn't write, you know, not articulate, and so on. I said,  you know, just take your time. And you know, what he gave the answer that everyone gave,  he started talking about, well, I want to start helping, you know, you know, really getting to  know God and praying, and then I said, Okay, what else, you know, I really want to start  helping people do and then he had some dream for people. And it's people. People have a god dream, and they have a people dream. And everywhere around the world we have asked  people, they have that same dream, but what you know, and that's what fits so well into this  life coach, and we didn't know it at the time, right? But But life coaching is starting with the  person I'm trying to help you. And I'm not sharing my dream for you. No, my dream for you is  that you become a Christian in your family becomes a Christian. Of course it is. Right. That's  where I'm starting to starting with your dream, right. And what we discovered is that people  have a dream of getting connected to God, I don't have to come and sell it. No, they're asking for it. If I asked the right questions, right? No, that was interesting when we put the  responsibility on people. how some people even like, Go allergic to that, even if you haven't  even like do you want to make a decision about pursuing that dream? Right. Why are you  pitting me against the wall? is like no. But on the other hand, it really does get people to ask  themselves. What do I want to do? What do I want? This guy right away? So no one has ever  asked me that before. Yes. And they had a job. And I could see the wheels turning. And he in  some ways in when he was done answering it just stinking proud of himself. Yeah, that he had thought deeply. And that he actually did have a dream. And he didn't know that he didn't 

know that he now I'm not giving him the dream. No. So it's something that was already there  that he didn't know is there that really is the heart of coaching. Yeah, it's unleashing, what is  there, but the person you're trying to help doesn't even know that. And that's really what we  got from Rich he had that way of unleashing what was already there. Rich was like, we don't  

know what the seed is like. But if we put a water on, we're gonna see what it could grow.  Right. Right. And he was very good at at getting and then when people walk away. They're  they're thinking about how proud in some way they are of themselves. Yes. I actually have a  dream. And I see that there's a way to maybe get it. Alright. Yeah. That's very good. Yeah.  That's number nine. Number 10. motivate people by celebrating, accomplishments it sort of  relates to the reward. Things get better earlier, and I could see you were thinking about Yeah,  he did celebrate. You know, sometimes when others do well, what's your first inclination?  Because, well, I'm not doing as well, yeah, people are honoring me or recognizing what I did.  Right? Right. Right. Or they'll they'll somehow to knock you down a notch or you knock,  someone else down a notch because. They accomplish something. And I will tell you, I never  detected in them decades of this relationship, the slightest knocking someone down even I  remember a story of somebody who he had opposite political affiliation with. And I won't  mention names, we'd like to say non political. So he had one political position. And I would  say that he told the story about sitting at the table at the Constitution Center, next to the  person of the exact opposite affiliation. And a president optimism. You might get to this might  be I guess, but anyway. So I thought the story was going to go well, yep. Finally, they had this  big discussion. And, you know, when that and in what happened was, he began, I said, Well,  how you were there, too? How did the conversation go how did it go? And he said, you know,  what we said, the first thing I did is I celebrated all that person's accomplishments. Right? And then that opened the door to a beautiful thing. And this person, the absolute opposite of him,  politically celebrated his accomplishments. Right. And it became a beautiful bridge building  opportunity. You know, and then you may have a chance to actually share some things where  you disagree and actually make some progress. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Very good. This, by the  way, was I remember at the time, this idea of celebrating people, achievements, especially in  the church world, in the school world, you know, a kid does well in sports, we give them a  trophy, we stand up we have in the church world, sometimes we just don't do anything  because we're afraid that people will get a big head. And we're, you know, we want to  celebrate Christ, not ourselves. So a lot of times we're just silent in the church, and people  have no clue whether they're any good in anything in the church. And so this really, you  know, I was planting a church at the time. It really helped me rethink that I need to celebrate  big time what people are doing Yeah, so they realize that they're on the right track that I  mean, that's what celebrating is it just let someone know that they're actually going down the right trail and keep going you know, I think we miss sometimes too, in Scripture, how much  the Apostle Paul and Jesus did this. I think one quick where the apostle Paul, I mean, Romans  16 entire chapter in what the Apostle Paul, I commend Phoebe you know, greet so and, so  that person did this, you know, in the Paul's Epistles, you know, Philippians chapter four, take  note of those who live according to the pattern that we gave you, right? Take note. Recognize, celebrate? Yeah. So that so that's a life coach. So now as a life coach, you have to be a  cheerleader for that person. Is remember people have come To you, because they've failed at  a lot of things, they haven't been able to stick with things, they haven't been able to  accomplish things. Now they're coming to you. And in the beginning, they're going to make  maybe a little progress. You need to be the one that helps them see that they're getting there. And that will motivate them to keep going. Yeah, that's really good. All right, number 11.  Asked disruptive question. Matthew 10, or 20:32, Jesus stopped and called them. What do you want me to do for you? Yes. I remember I remember, you know, we had been with Rich, you  know, been mentored for a while, and he was supporting us in our endeavor. And we were,  you know, we were doing well, and then, you know, a couple years in we were kind of lost a  little bit. And I remember, you know, we, we flew down to Florida, we were in the, in the van  going to some game. And he just bluntly said, Alright, guys, is this working? Right? And he is  like, you know, it's not working, we should just call it quits, I think it was Gary. So then we had, you know, honestly, say, where we're at what our hopes and our dreams were and, and, you 

know, it really helped us get focused on what we had to do. And it was uncomfortable. It was  extremely uncomfortable. So sometimes, as a coach, you need to, you know, because you'll  be trying to help someone, and they're going to do something, and then they didn't do it. And  then they have an excuse. And then you do it again the next week, and then you change the  thing that they're going to do. And at some point, you need to stop and go, Hey, what, what  are we doing here? Right? And don't be afraid of questions that, that disrupt things. You can  ask questions like, maybe you should get a different job. You know, like, you've been working  on something on and on and on, and nothing's going well, like, maybe there's a different  direction. Right? I remember one time, he was coaching a player on the Orlando Magic. And I  won't get into it, but we were right there. We were hearing what he was saying. Yes, I  remember that, yeah. he looked, you know, player in the eye. And this player needed a  disruptive question in the news. And a lot of times, when you're on a stage like that, you've  got agents, everybody puts you on a pedestal, you're, you become sort of the star because  you are actually the star and I remember he asked that very disruptive question now. Now  years and years have gone by, and it was interesting, this star who I won't name with  reported as saying after Rich had passed away. That that was the best owner. he's ever been  part of that. He asked me questions no one would ask. He loved me when no one else would  love me enough to challenge me challenge me and to get me to think again. It's I'm not  condemning. You know, I'm asking a question. Yeah, it's a disruptive question. He was not a  judgmental person. He treated and loved. Everybody treated them the same. had high  positive regard that he saw people's potential his disruptive questions. Were being a coach  who want to unleash more. The truth would set you free. And right look at the interview was  like that, too. I mean, you Pharisees you vipers. That disruptive like what? People do anything  to you? Right? Right, right. All right. Number 12. Encourage people to press on through  failure. And I have here you can do it. That was a phrase I heard him say often you guys you  can do it. Yeah. Philippians one thing I do, says Paul, Forgetting what is behind and straining  toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me  heavenward in Christ Jesus. So that idea of okay, the past is the past. Let's go forward, always going forward, always looking forward. What are you guys gonna do? What is it going to be  next? How's it going to reach more people? Failure to Rich was a wonderful cherished place  where failure would be your launching pad to more dreams and more positive outcomes and a failure usually got touched by failure when you get to learn from it. How are you going to  celebrate? Celebrate that you tried something? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That was amazing. You  know, you can't get failure unless you try something. He often said that even at CLI, we  haven't been talking to CLI students, you know, in this console, can you try to wait for?  Alright, number 13 Take responsibility for your life, and help others do the same. So, his  business was really all about how do I get people to own their own thing? Yes. I mean, he had  started a business and so on and had bad experiences where he's hired. And he's, you know,  very early on, he said, I want to own my own business, where I'm in charge of what happens  or what doesn't happen. And so he was motivated to help people do that, to own their own  thing. And when you own something, you really care about it. And we saw that, and, and saw,  you know, really, that's really where we got the idea that you have to own your own faith,  talking, listening repeated, you have to have your own relationship to God, not a surrogate  relationship to your pastor, and so on. Everyone has to own their own faith. And when you do, you have something to give someone, you can't sell to someone, something you don't have.  So he really helped us see the potential of that sense of ownership. And coaching really is  about that. It's about giving ownership to the person you're helping, rather than taking the  ownership, if I'm the one giving all the advice all the time, I'm taking ownership for your  problem. Let me solve it for you. Let me tell you what you should do. And you're willing to  give it to me, because now I'm responsible. And when it doesn't work, I'm to blame as well. So coaching is is all this the whole notion of giving ownership away, the more ownership you can  give away, the more people take it into their hands and make something out of it. You know, I  think some of the saddest experiences as a father, as a pastor, as a person was times of  transformation in my own life, when I want to help people. And I didn't understand how to see that line of, I'm helping them but it's hurting them. I'm giving them ideas, but I'm taking away

their opportunity to go on the stage. I'm trying to be the minister or the pastor. And they're  being cheated from the opportunity to discover that journey on their own. And I can Gloz or  blame my seminary or mentors of the past, because the fact is, is a lot of ministry has this  

notion that you're going to minister to someone, you know, the mission, we're going to give  the people in Africa something or you know, there's a lot of mentality and I can go in and I can say I got how I got because it wasn't my fault. Now I'm not taking responsibility. In what I've  learned in the whole process, is as I have grown in helping others, first of all, take  responsibility myself, in helping others take responsibility. I have seen unlocking of potential,  where people are engaged in the relationship and in their future in new and exciting ways.  I've seen this in my own family. I've seen this in ministry studies. I've seen this here at  Christian leaders Institute. I have seen this in your lives, as we have seen 1000s upon 1000s  of people take responsibility to learn ministry, do ministry and share ministry. So this point  from Rich DeVos I can see me all the points have changed my life in your life at this point for  me, I really am and I'm still growing. It's hard to do. It's hard to do. I know you can do it.  Alright, let's end it here and we'll continue on in the next lecture.