Video Transcript: Overcoming Pornography

More women are watching pornography, more are involved in sexting or chatting online about romance and sex with strangers or people who are not their spouse. And it's not just that. Also women have a little different approach to sexual desire or romantic desire sometimes. And men may be drawn to the visual depictions and women may too, but many of them are drawn to romance novels or chick flicks that aren't so much into explicit depictions of sex acts. But they focus more on the romantic aspect. And women watch that or read that, and they fantasize about having a guy who is that romantic. And they may feel that's not pornography. Pornography is looking at naked bodies like men do. And I just like romance. But the Bible says not to covet your neighbor's spouse. Not to covet somebody who's not yours. It describes lust as a problem. And lust is wanting somebody who's not yours and not being satisfied with the person God gave you. And so, you might be just as guilty of lusting while reading a romance novel as somebody else is while watching a pornographic film. So, we need to address the basic problem of adultery in the heart. Of desiring somebody who hasn't been given to us. 

Jesus says, “You’ve heard that it was said do not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. You see how serious a problem lust is? And how strong are the measures Jesus urges us to take to avoid letting lust destroy our souls. The apostle Paul writes, it is God's will that you should be sanctified, that you should avoid sexual immorality, that each of you should learn control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen who do not know God and that in this matter, no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. 

The apostle is saying that when we get caught up in sexual immorality, in things that involve passionate lust, we’re acting like heathens. We are acting like we don't know God. And so, there's something wrong in the way we're relating to God and there's something wrong in the way that we relating to our brothers and sisters. He says you're wronging your brother if you're involved in sexual immorality, or if you're not controlling your lust. You're wronging the person to whom you're married. Or if you're single, you're wronging your future spouse by looking at pornographic images or being involved in lust for somebody who's not yours. And you're also wronging the very people who are involved in pornographic films and pictures. Because what little girl grew up saying, “I want to be a porn star when I get older. I want to act like a prostitute when I get older.” Something went wrong somewhere very badly. Some of the people who are involved in those films are there because they're compelled to be, they're forced to be, and others are there because of terrible things that have happened in their life or many who were sexually abused themselves. Whatever the case is, you may be wrong, not just the people who are in your life, but even the people that you're seeing in those films by being a consumer and a customer for smut. 

The Lord will punish men for all such sins as we've already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God who gives you His Holy Spirit. So, listen to God, listen to the Holy Spirit within you. He calls you to a pure and holy life and there are serious consequences for those who don't listen to God. Sometimes the consequences come in this life when our desires get disordered and messed up and we can't relate to the person of the opposite sex whom God has given us because we've gotten too involved in pornography. At other times the consequences can be eternal. Because if we continue to live in wickedness and sin and immorality and don’t deal with it it's an indicator that we're not really living by the Spirit. We don't even have the Holy Spirit and live in faith. So, it's very possible as Jesus said, to be cast into hell because we just let our lusts take charge of us instead of surrendering our lives to God. 

As we face the challenge of pornography, we face Triple Trouble. And this is true in many different areas of a Christian life. We face the world, the flesh, and the devil, and it applies to pornography as well. The world is a problem. The culture around us treats evil as healthy. Pornography pervades entertainment. It's all through TV shows, which are constantly depicting unmarried people going to bed together or adulterous acts. It's in cable TV, it's in the movies and more and more explicit. Business is very much wrapped up in this. There are billions of dollars to be made selling pornographic products and not just by merchants of smutting that people kind of look down on it. Some of the world's largest corporations are now involved in that as well in many of their holdings. Technology has made pornography much more widely available than it used to be. Printing and then movie technology has made technology available to people at the click of a button. If you have a smartphone, if you have a computer, if you have a television, if you have a cable hookup you can get pornography anytime you want day or night with a click. Education has become involved. The sexual revolution that has occurred over the last several decades is also promoted and prompted by our educational system by the way sex education is taught in schools that whatever you do is okay. And so that too is part of the whole problem. And even religion has gotten into the act where various religious bodies, various entities calling themselves churches have joined in with the sexual revolution have increasingly given their approval and encouragement, all kinds of different perversions. We live in a world that does not encourage purity but encourages rather the opposite. 

And it's not as though we needed the encouragement. We have our own flesh, our old weak sinful self, hates holiness. It's addicted to its own urges and it gets worse when told to do what's right. The flesh is not just our physical desires, and it includes all of the old fallen self, but a part of that certainly is distorted sexual desire. And so, we have this old fleshly self and when it's told to do what's right, how does it react? Well, what happens when you tell a little child, “Don't touch that.” They wants to touch it so badly. You tell him don't do this, and what is the thing they want to do most of the very thing you told him not to do. I remember when I was a student in college, there was a chemistry geek, and he made an awful smelling concoction in the lab and then put it in a jar and screwed the lid on tightly and wrote on the top of it do not open and then placed it on the floor of the dormitory hallway. As you can guess what the hallway smelled like a few minutes later because the command, “Do not open sounds like an invitation got to open this, you got to open this, you got to open this and find out what's going on.” And that's where flesh is. When it's commanded to do what's right, it wants to do what's wrong. 

The world, the flesh and the devil the Prince of Darkness. Satan wants to twist and ruin God's creatures. How does he do that? Well, first of all he tempts, and, in this matter, pornography says it's no big deal. God created bodies or bodies are good if you've got these desires. You're just a normal red-blooded person, so have at it. He makes what is wrong seem normal and right. And then when you do it, he goes the opposite end and accuses you, especially if you grew up in church, or if you're a Christian, he'll accuse would say, “Oh, you can't be a Christian at all if you did that. You are awful. You are rotten. God could never forgive you.” So first he tempts and makes it seem okay. Then he accuses and makes it seem unforgivable. And all the time he's lying. The devil is a master of lies, and he uses his lies to destroy. So that's what we're up against – the world, which is throwing pornography at us on every side, our own flesh and our own weaknesses and failings and the prince of darkness himself and his demons.

When we're dealing with things that we know are wrong, and yet we keep doing them, if we belong to God, and the Holy Spirit's at work in us in some way, we have a conflict going on. We find ourselves doing what we hate. The apostle Paul describes it this way - I do not understand my own actions, for I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. There's something going on, something in me that's not really me. And it makes me keep doing things that I hate. 

Now what do I do when conduct and conscience collide? Well, there are three basic options. One is self-indulgence. You say, well, I'm just going to smother my conscience and do what I feel like doing. I'm going to try to drown conscience in a flood of sinful conduct. I feel guilty about watching porn. I'm going to watch a lot more of that till I get used to it and till my conscience quiets down. You choose a lawless way of living. Or you might go in the opposite direction and not self-indulgence so much as self-improvement. You try to force your conscience to control your conduct, by sheer willpower. I know it's right; I'm going to keep trying harder, and I'm going to keep trying harder. I'm going to make myself do the right thing. I'm going to stop doing that porn.

Those seem like opposite approaches, but you'll notice one word that appears in both – self. In the one case you're giving in to all the urges of yourself. And in the other case, you are relying on yourself to make yourself into somebody else or somebody better. And the third option is not to focus so much on self but on God's work, on spirit indwelling. You trust God's grace in Christ to forgive you when you're wrong. And you depend on the Spirit's power to battle the flesh and keep growing more and more like Jesus. Galatians five describes all three options. And it says that walking by the Spirit is the way to go. I say walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. So that's don't go into self-indulgence, walk by the Spirit. For the desires of the flesh are against the spirit and the desires of the spirit are against the flesh. For these are opposed to each other keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you're led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. So, you notice there that it's not going to be self-improvement or doing what the law tells you to do and just trying harder. So, you're not under law. You're not against the law with self-indulgence, you're walking by the Spirit. 

What does that involve? Well, let's look at a little more detail. When you're seeking to overcome pornography, the first thing you need to realize is who you are. Do you belong to Jesus Christ? Have you put your faith in Him? If so, count yourselves dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Do don't offer the parts of your body to sin, but rather offer yourselves to God. When you fall into looking up pornography don't say yourself, “I am a vile rotten person. That's all I am.” You need to count yourself dead to sin. You say that's not really me. That is sin dwelling. In me. That's not who I am. I'm alive to God in Christ Jesus. You need to believe who you are in Christ rather than believe Satan’s lies. You will put off the old self with its practices and put on the new self which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its Creator. One of the most important and vital things you can do once you know Jesus as Savior and know who He is for you, you also have to know who you are in Him. You need to believe that you are alive to God in Christ, and you need to believe and keep counting yourself dead to sin and keep offering yourself to God.

And when you know who you are, when you're relying on the Holy Spirit and God's forgiveness in Christ, then another step of course in battling pornography, is to avoid temptation in the first place. The Bible says, “Flee sexual immorality.” The great saint Job said, “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.” In the words of Jesus, if your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out, throw it away. And scripture says when you're tempted God will provide a way out. Take all of those verses together and it says avoid temptation, flee it. You don't see how close you can get to a problem and still not fall into it. If someone had a problem with alcohol, and he said, I'm trying to quit drinking, but they had a bottle stashed here and another bottle stashed there. They had bottles all over the house, get in here, there and everywhere, so that they could drink anytime they wanted. You'd say you're not really trying to stop, are you? If you say I'm trying to overcome pornography, but you're not taking steps to avoid the temptation, and you're not fleeing sexual immorality in the first place, then you're really not trying to stop yet. 

I remember speaking with a man who said, you know, I struggle with pornography, and I'd like to quit. And as our conversation went along, he told me that he was still subscribing to a pornographic cable channel. If you're trying to quit, the first thing we do is unsubscribe, get rid of it, flee it, and then put some filters on. Get things so that it's not so easily accessible. You need a filter for your smartphone, if you have one. Almost everybody does have a smartphone but not everybody's got a filter. If you're tempted to watch pornography on your phone, then get a filter. If you're tempted to watch it on television or computer, you need a filter on your server at your house. It won't filter out everything. But it may filter out a lot of things. The fact is you're not going to be able to avoid temptation, totally everywhere. There's billboards, there's opportunities, but you can get rid of 90% of the temptations and save your strength and save the work of the Spirit for battling that for the 10% that you really couldn't avoid. 

Another area that some of you may need to deal with is an area that I had to think about. I used to travel a great deal in connection with my ministry. And I found that if I stayed in motels, there's a lot of bad stuff that’s immediately available at the click of a button and there's nobody else around. I'm there by myself if I'm in that motel. And so rather than stay in motels, I tried wherever I could to stay with a Christian family in the area that I was traveling to. And that allowed me to avoid all those temptations that came with the motel rooms. Each of us need to look at our own lives and say, “What are my most tempting situations? What are the most opportunities for sexual immorality or for pornography? And then avoid it. When you are tempted God will provide a way out. So, look for that way out and take the way out, rather than the way in. 

Another element of overcoming pornography is to have a healthy love life, a healthy life of romance and sex with the person God has given you, if you're married. If you're single, then you need God's grace and help to stay pure until God gives you a spouse or to preserve you in purity if you're going to be a lifelong single. But for many who are married, and one of the ways that we can overcome the temptations of sexual immorality and pornography is simply to have a healthy and vibrant love life. Proverbs five says, “May you rejoice in the wife of your youth. May her breasts satisfy you always. May ever be intoxicated with her love. And then it says why would you want to the other woman?” So, if you're intoxicated, if you're thrilled with the person God has given you, you're much less tempted by anything else. The apostle Paul gave some very straightforward practical advice. He says the husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise, the wife to her husband. Do not deprive each other so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. So, you can see that a healthy married sex life will be helpful for many people in resisting sexual temptation of pornography. 

But now let me add a couple of cautions. One is this. If you're someone who has a pornography problem, and you're married, don't blame your spouse and say, “Oh, if only we had a more satisfying and fulfilling sex life, then I wouldn't be involved in pornography.” No, if you're involved in pornography, it is your responsibility, not the fault of your spouse. She can't compete with hundreds and hundreds of people who have been made up and shot from various camera angles and all the things they do to make pornographic film enticing. Nobody can compete with hundreds of fake people. So don't blame your spouse if you're trapped in pornography. You need to get out of it and then you need to learn with God's help to have a healthy romantic and sexual relationship with your spouse. 

Here's another caution. If you're single, if you have a porn problem, don't assume that getting married will cure it. You need to get rid of all the baggage and to seek a life of purity before you ever get married. You don't want to drag that problem with you into your marriage. So, with those two cautions, don't blame your spouse if you're involved in pornography and don't count on marriage to cure a pornography problem, it still remains true that if you have a healthy and satisfying romantic and sex life, you're going to likely be less drawn to pornography than you otherwise would be. And so, spouses can help each other in this area simply by showing affection and by giving themselves to each other.

And then help each other. The Bible says confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. Brothers if someone is caught in a sin, you are spiritual should restore him gently? But watch yourself where you also may be tempted to carry each other's burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ. If your spouse comes to you and tells you I've been struggling with pornography, that's going to hurt. You're going to be sad, and maybe very angry to hear that. But don't just dismiss the person or attack them harshly. The fact that they confess it to you that they're struggling with it is a sign that they want your help. They need your forgiveness, and they need your help with it. So, despite the anger, despite the hurt, do what you can to help each other. If you're not the spouse of the struggler or someone comes to trust you enough to tell you their struggle, then don't be too quick to judge or condemn, but instead realize that you're there on God's behalf, to speak a word forgiveness and of encouragement and to pray for others so that they can be healed. So that they can be restored, so that you can help carry their burden. Pornography is a battle that too many people fight all alone, and they lose when they're fighting it alone. Or when they're accountable to somebody and when they have encouragement from somebody else, they often find that more and more of they’re prevailing and winning and overcoming in that battle. So, if it's your spouse or if it's a Christian friend who has trusted you, help each other and if you're the one if you're the struggler, don’t try to fight it all by yourself. Tell somebody else and ask them to pray for you. Ask them to keep checking in on you so that you can help each other to walk with the Lord. 

Another element of overcoming pornography is feasting on God. G.K Chesterton once wrote, “Every man knocks on the door of a brothel is looking for God.” What he meant by that is that people who are driven by their sexual urges and think that's where they're going to find their fulfillment, that can never fill them up. God is the only one who can there's something in them that's looking, that's craving because they're still empty. And so, to avoid being driven by cravings and urges and desires, we need to find satisfaction in God. We need our hearts to rest in Him. Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Take good care of your spiritual center, of your heart. Spiritual fitness is vital for overcoming pornography. Spending time with the Word of God in prayer so, you have the mind of Christ. Praying to the Lord and asking for His help and praising Him. Taking enough rest. Many people find it they’re most vulnerable to pornography, when they're exhausted, when they're shot, when they've had a busy, busy time, and they just don't have much energy, much resistance. Solitude spending time alone with the Lord not spending time alone with temptation but spending time alone with the Lord. Fasting, learning to control your physical appetite for food can often also help you control other appetites. Worship, fellowship, these spiritual disciplines, all these elements of spiritual fitness make you stronger and healthier in the Lord. And as you're healthier in the Lord, you find that you can overcome various sins and temptations more successfully, including the temptation to pornography.

And don't give up. Don't despair. When you've been struggling with pornography can be discouraging. You may say well, “I asked God for help, and He didn't send to help or at least not enough help. Or is God as strong as these urges that I have?” And so, you're tempted to give up on God or give up on yourself. But you need to understand that sometimes God is up to more than just what you've been praying about. You're praying, get rid of the pornography problem, and God may be trying to teach you to keep on picking yourself up by His grace and trying again. He may be trying to show you that you are very flawed and weak. C.S Lewis says after each failure, ask forgiveness. Pick yourself up and try again. Very often what God first helps us toward is not the virtue itself, but this power of trying again. And as you learn to keep trying again, you learn that at your best you're still very weak and vulnerable. And you also learn that at your worst, you are still under God's grace and forgivable. And those are very, very important things to learn, even in the struggle against pornography. And always keep in mind this verse from Proverbs, though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again. Because God is with him. God's Spirit is in him, and God keeps lifting you up again and again and again. So, if you're struggling with this battle against pornography, and you're not overcoming as much as you'd like yet, then don't give up. Don't despair. Keep asking forgiveness. Keep on by the power of the Holy Spirit, moving forward in the Lord, because though the righteous man falls seven times, he rises again. 

Walk by the Spirit, not just your own strength or effort, realize who you are in Christ. Embrace the fact that you are dead to sin and alive to God, and though whatever is wrong that's going on and who is not the real you. Avoid temptation and look for the way out that God provides. Let your romantic and sex life be more and more what God intends and more fulfilling, and it'll make other things less tempting for you. Help each other when you struggle, whether it's your spouse or a friend. Help one another and seek help from others, Feast on God and keep up your spiritual disciplines. And when you do fail, don't give up. Don't despair. Keep walking with the Lord and you will be an overcomer.