Reading: How to Manage a Bible Study Group for Success - Part 2

Here is an outline summarizing the main points of the discussion on managing group dynamics, particularly in a leadership role:

1. Making Things Fun:
• Emphasize the importance of creating a fun and engaging environment to foster a sense of community.
• Highlight how fun interactions can encourage people to return, enhancing group cohesion.
2. Participant Engagement:
• Encourage creating stages for participants to shine, ensuring everyone gets a chance to share and contribute.
• Discuss strategies to keep conversations moving and handle varying personalities within the group.
3. Dealing with Different Personalities:
• Address how to manage diverse personalities, such as "the talker," "the needy," and "the skeptic," ensuring that all group members feel included and valued.
• Provide specific strategies like using a round-the-circle speaking order or enforcing a time limit to manage dominant personalities.
4. Fostering Participation Over Authority:
• Critique traditional roles where a single leader dominates, advocating for more participatory approaches in group settings.
• Suggest methods like question-led discussions to democratize participation and reduce dependency on the leader.
5. Encouraging Vulnerability and Authenticity:
• Stress the importance of creating a safe space for members to express doubts, fears, and personal challenges.
• Discuss the role of emotional intelligence in leadership to better understand and respond to group dynamics.
6. Building Community Through Shared Experiences:
• Explore practical ideas like potlucks and prayer walks to cater to different preferences and strengthen community ties.
• Introduce concepts like the "five love languages" to better understand and respect individual differences.
7. Leadership as Service:
• Emphasize the leader’s role as a servant and facilitator, focusing on the growth and well-being of group members.
• Highlight the benefits of leaders being transparent about their own struggles to encourage openness among group members.
8. Long-Term Growth and Transformation:
• Discuss how allowing room for personal expression and challenges can lead to deeper interpersonal connections and spiritual growth.
• Conclude with the significance of nurturing an environment where authenticity and mutual support drive collective and individual growth.

All right, we're back with part two of managing your group. So the last thing that a leader does, I think this is so important, make things fun. Okay? You know, a lot of times, if you watch people interact anywhere, they can be on the sidewalk, they can be in the store, they can be at the beach doesn't matter where you go, within two or three minutes, somebody in the group is laughing, right? It's just sort of the grease that keeps conversations going. And so promote, you know, if everyone is just, it's like a library or where everyone was sitting there, no one dare say anything, and it's all so seriously serious, then a lot of times people it doesn't create an environment where there's a sense of community. 

And if people have a meaningful time, but also a fun time, they're more likely to come back again. So really, as we begin to really part two here reminding to create stages for participants to shine, make sure everyone shares not just a few help conversation, go deeper, keep things moving, deal with differing personalities group and make things fun. If you look back at these, that list, where what do you feel like? What are more importantly, all the same? Or is there something that you have noticed that? Well, I think it's our first one? Maybe they're in the order of importance? I don't know. But I think this is where a lot of leaders make a mistake, is not thinking they're thinking me, right? Which means I've got to know things. And I'm going to share things you don't know, I know. And so here we go. And instead of thinking, How do I help people walk out of here? Better than they walked in? Right? How do I do prayer in such a way that the person that is afraid to pray publicly? Feels a little better about doing it? Maybe now, he can pray in His own family? Not? Okay, I get a lead in prayer. And how do I make this prayer really cool and special? You know, how do I bring myself to the next level of prayer? Okay, that's one thing. But that's your personal growth, right? 

You know, the leader is a servant of all right? So how do you help other people become all that they can be? And, you know, Rich DeVos often said to us, if you help people get what they want, you'll get what you want, rather than going out there and trying to get what you want. I believe, I love that everyone's too, and I think we're moving. We're tacking into a culture in a world that is more participatory. In some ways, when you look back to the history of the church, it started very participatory. And then it went into very programmatic. And by the time of the Reformation, I know in our background, when I grew up, the minister did everything, right. And if he was leading the Bible, say we call the Catechism and he did everything and we were just sitting there in the church. You started from the call to worship, announced every song went to the call to confession, that assurance of pardon. He did all he did for the congregational prayer, some of her he did a sermon of a few more songs from there, announce the collections, and with the deacons will come forward and take the money, even led the singing, and half the ministers couldn't sing no. I mean, I think that's right. And it was to the point where it was like, he was the paid implementer of the group, the whole thing, the whole thing. And we pay him to be the answer man, we pay him to be pret make it apply it and he could not do all of this. The church suffered. But I think that's true I think I'm just gonna like speculate here, I actually believe that much church decline has turned because that paradigm to the water speaks to the heart of an educated global population. And the digital world where you post your own pictures you put your own out there your you know, your life is out there, you you want to pontificate about something, you put it on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram or whatever it is. 

People are used to participating now more and more and more. And so they don't get to. They're not they're just not going to attend. So that's why it's but but because people want to participate. Now you have more of a management issue. It's easier to just have the pastor do every vote, because you're on Bob and then then you go and now there's two people now how are we going to match or three or four or five, that's when it becomes more difficult in this debatable point, because there's a certain segment of group that wants the Minister to do everything. But we believe that the trend is moving where, you know, there might be that but to fight that a little bit and to create stages for others. All right, dealing with people remember, the group gathers to the Study Bible is made up of people who still need a savior. In other words, sinners saved by grace. So the very people you create the stage to are not going to be perfectly trained ministers. Right. And you're not a perfect leader, either. So we're gonna look at certain kinds of people that you might have in a group you got the talker, has a lot to say, will start telling a story that lasts for five minutes, and generally doesn't let you have a word in edgewise. It's hard to cut them off. Right? So what do you do? Well, one way is to go around the circle, instead of just asking a question in the Bible study, and then leaving it up to whoever wants to ask these talkers will grab the microphone right away. And a non Talkers would just sit back and go, Okay, I'm not gonna do this. But if you go around the circle, everyone is going to say something, you might even listen to two minute rule that look, we're going to try to limit everything that we do to two minutes, now what will happen is the talker will take four. And then if you let them have four, he'll take five, and then he'll take six, and then he'll take 10, right? So you may have to talk to the talker, one on one and just sort of lay out the vision. And you know, Bob, I know you have your bubbling. So you do it in a respectful manner. And Bob, you have so much wisdom and so many things that you want, there's so much stuff that you want to say that you can hardly contain yourself. So I did it is difficult for you. But we only have so much time. And we're this is what I'm trying to do is try to help the non talkers. So if you could help me with that, in fact, it's a talker models, two minutes, then that inspires everybody else. 

So he's a talker, as a talker, you can really be a leader in this group, right? And you got the needy, okay, the needy is someone who comes in, and they always have a million problems, and they love talking about their problems. And they love people going, Oh, that's too bad and feeling sorry for them. And it's like, it's almost like a drug. Right, they get a little high from being the center of attention. Right. And when you say that you disrespectful of people in pain, which is how it plays in the game. Because it's Bible study groups, not a therapy group, right. So you have a therapy group, that's the point of it. And so we can take the time. But here if we turn it in, and often, a needy person will then constantly do this in the group. No one else will share those deep needs, it'll be one person, and now we become this therapy. You know, we're the doctor that you're the person who needs all the help. You know, I noticed another thing with yours. I'm curious how you think about this. I often and later on, you're going to talk 1.11 to talk to that needy person. But it's hard to wait as I asked them is this way you want your future brand to be? Like, what do you mean, I just left me my wife, as well. Because I noticed that if you talk too much about all of your problems, then people will pigeonhole you with a bunch of problems. And eventually you might leave this church because we you're well again and healed, then everybody is going to like see you as a problem person. Because of the sense you went through an era of your life to be a problem person. And you're making you're projecting yourself as a dependent, right, and you can either have a friend, or you can be a dependent. So a lot of times people who project this dependency thing, and then they wonder why people don't like do things. Like they don't have a friend and do that same counseling thing and say, Well, if you want that, if you want to be a dependent of that person, then you're not going to be a friend of that person in general. So you have to decide whether you want a friend or whether you want to be a dependent and so people sometimes they just need to learn that dependency thing is maybe something they grew up with if this is the only thing they know. 

And so but but so you might go around the circle, you know, so we don't send her on only one person. You might listen to him in a room and you might have to know his There you go. To dependent, loves attention and loves everyone weighing in on pain and they feel like they get a little levy Yeah, I think the no fixing rule in general is a good rule that we're not here to fix people, unless they are asking for some specific advice about something. What if they ask for advice and take away two, more than two minutes was so important? No one else's point will probably come in through talking to them one on one. You learn quickly. Again, they want to be a leader. So you're the leader. But there's someone in the group that wants to be the leader. And a lot of times there's a person who wants to be a leader, but they didn't lead and get the group together, right. But they want to steal what you did, right? By getting the group together, because they know how to lead this group better than you do. Well, what you can do is refer to the agenda because someone will want to keep changing everything there. I think we should spend more time on this. I don't think we should, you know. And again, it's like, well, this is the agenda. And I suggest we just keep doing this for a while. And maybe at the end of the year, we'll look at it again. Talk to the wannabe leader one on one because, you know, and I've had to say to people, look, it seems like you want to lead my group. And I suggest you go get your own group. Birth a new group, yes. And you can be the leader. Now, a lot of times that'll shut them down because they don't want to go out they can't get anyone to follow them. Right. Okay. So that's why they want to steal yours. Right? All right, teachers. And here's suggest the things you might say, Bob, you know more than most of us, can you wait until others have had a chance to say something? In other words, you honor the person look by look Bob, you do it right? Clearly, you know, a lot more. But, you know, we want to give other people a shot. And then you'll always have a turn to say what you think at the right, two minutes. Right? Ask more questions that deal with how people feel, than fact, based questions, usually, the teacher wants to know, facts in the background. 

And like the NIV Study Bible, they want to read that all to you. And often that, that that kind of teacher person does not want to share their feelings, right? When it's like when earlier in this class, we talked about, like different, like, knowledge relating to the text, knowledge related to the context. And a lot of times the teacher wants to stay in that water. Yeah, they don't want to go into sharing part over your feelings or what you really think or how it applies to you. Right? Talk to the teacher one on one. All right, then the skeptic you know, you might have a person in your group that is skeptical about the Bible, or God or who knows, they're there on the doubt side of the fence. And a lot of times, Christians will meet together, we want to always fix the skeptic give the skeptic room to express their doubts. Let them say some of the you know instead of shutting them down, so if you shut someone down, then they just internalize it. You never really hear what they really think. And so you can never say anything that would be helpful for them to get out of their doubt. Right? So give them some space to you know, that's really interesting. If someone said, Well, I'm not sure what the inerrancy of scripture really means I don't, here's my problem. And then they outline some problems. If the first thing that comes out of your mind, mind mouth is some fix for that rare problem, then I gotta listen to it. But if you said, Wow, you you really think deeply about these things. That's amazing. Let's, we're gonna have to think about it. In fact, if you said to someone, you know what that is so interesting that I want to go home and think to research this a little bit. I would like to come back to this topic, then you're honoring that person rather than always you're wrong, to change your mind and we're going to fix you. We did a mini class. Evangelism out of Genesis, remember that class talks about how Genesis is very divided to the scientific and skeptical mind. You know, is the earth young, old and a lot of Times? That's a topic that's one of those debate topics, right? People feel strongly about many things, but that's one thing, more strong about them something else. So in this class all we are trying to trying to do is not saying you should believe this or that but give a little room so that the cross of Jesus Christ and the resurrection of the dead is not standing or falling. 

Someone has a problem with the age of the earth and that, that damns them for all eternity, because we ship them that way. Talk about and there are in that class to talk about what are one of our philosophy professors believe that you know that? Well, Adam, Adam was the first representative of the covenant. The traditional belief that we like is that Adam is the first human. His, the phosphoric point where the good point because we've witnessed to a lot of skeptics, and a curious discussion, because ultimately, we want Jesus Christ to be lord and savior of someone's life. Resist trying to save the skeptic every media, so people are wary. So in other words, trust that God will work through His Word and His people in his time. Right? All right, the answer man or woman, this is the person who at whatever the topic is, whatever the question is, whatever the verse is, they know what it is, they know what it means they know what we should do they have an answer for everything, and they will say it first. Now, a lot of times, you know, I do have an answer. So people in my church will come up to me, and they'll have a question about the Bible, or whatever it might be in theology or doctrine. Now, I could give them an answer, right? Yeah. But then I become very, they become dependent on me as their answer, man. 

So what I generally do is, you know, that is an awesome question. Why don't you research it? And then get back to me next week with what you figured out? Right? Because I want you to do some of the work rather than just rely on me. Right? So what do you do the answer, man or the woman, while going around the circle helps, because everyone has a shot at talking, enforce the two minute rule. And here's here's where to get the answer man to lead with the rule that the leader does not do the teaching, but only asks the question. So now, you know, you're so smart. I would like you to maybe lead next week. But you can only do this because your goal is to pre create a stage for everyone else. Right. It's almost like the issue of the expert in the issue. The journey, the curious journey. And I know when I've talked with answer man type I've talked about, you know that by will say that back to the rules of engagement, if you're not setting this up, ahead of time, the answer man will be offended or will take over in for when you try to address it, then they'll be offended, if you try to fix it after the fact. So set the expectations early on, is that you might even use that word, hey, we're not. We're gonna try to eliminate being the answer, man. I am the leader. And we want to be the first among equals to not try to be the answer man so that way, no matter what the answer, man people are, they're on board with you in trying to keep yourself regulated from being the answer person talk to the answer, man, one on one, it's important to talk one on one, rather than have this confrontation in the middle of the group. You don't want to embarrass someone in the group. And ultimately, it's about the answer man becoming another leader with discipleship, right. So all of this is not because you're trying to fix the answer, man, no, you're trying to give a new stage. One of the things you might do with the setting up the rules ahead of time is that you will be calling each one occasionally, just to talk about the group and talk about other things. We're going to talk about things that you might want to share in the group. So that when you do call, it's not like I'm being singled out. No, right. I call everybody. out, How to go deeper. Okay, dive in point. So these are some tells or these are some sort of things that might happen that you go, Okay, this might be an area where we can find something deeper. 

So relationships when people get started talking about answers, and they start talking about their marriage, and they start talking about their family or their, you know, their aunt or the neighbor or something like that. Usually, there's something there, and they want to share it, but they're just throwing up the little thing. So if you can sort of follow up on that. So you mentioned about your, your grandmother, you know, can you elaborate a little bit more about your grandmother, and now you've given them a stage to maybe go a little deeper, right? I know in one of my Bible studies, when that happens, we'll say Hey, can you give a minute or two about that? Too, even still there because how many people can go deep into the next 15 minutes? Emotions so when people are sad, or they might there might be a little tear a little crack in their voice there's something deeper there, right? Nervous laughter sometimes people will say something and then they're laughing all the time. But it seems sort of inappropriate, right? Well, that's because they're trying to protect themselves from this hurtful thing that's lurking beneath the surface. Gotcha. Tears, of course, it's an obvious one and let people cry, don't make people feel bad about it. Give them a little space to do it. And then this is a way to show love and respect by just acknowledging that this is sort of a common human experience that people have. And you do that through body language. Wow, you're doing a good job. Or you're saying that, Wow, that's really hard to talk about. I can't imagine what that would be like. That's all your saying right. But now you've given them permission to go deeper if they choose to, and often times they will. So encourage that. And I remember in the one time we had a Bible study and a woman just broke down crying. And it was like, Okay, how do you handle it? And then all of a sudden, like within five minutes, everybody was crying. And it was like, it was, it was a great moment, you know, because now the whole group had bonded together, right. 

And I know I talked about going deeper sometimes someone will say something, and then they'll go off on a tangent. And it's like, it's okay, this tangent may be what we need to get to the heart of the matter. Right? And so rather than trying to shut it down and bring it back, okay, you know, we have to do this, you know, we have a point to make, you know, and you might say, and it's okay to explore that tangent. Right? Because ultimately, that's where you're going to get to the heart of the matter. And that's really what you want. The leader in you is trying to get people to go deeper into their own hearts. Right? Spiritually, sometimes people get into a spiritual mode, and you can tell that there's something happening. And they're sort of they're they're being, they're being filled with the Holy Spirit, right? They're getting this sense of God's presence. And you know, and sometimes you can help lead that sometimes you just sort of stay out of the way and let God do his thing. And so it's just recognizing that God works in mysterious ways. And sometimes he chooses to do that in a group. And so it's recognizing those things. And then you can't make it happen, right? You just sort of lead and God is the one that does it, right? Because he's the one that's working in people's hearts. Right? Well, to go deeper, what about saying, you know, a new emotional intelligence that okay, maybe 20 years ago, you would have been freaked out by that person crying in the Bible study. But then because you've done some emotional intelligence work. And now you can be comfortable, or you can notice that the tone in the room has changed. And you're like, it's okay. We're going to explore this because you've developed your emotional intelligence, which is not generally what we've been told in seminary. There's like, you got this many minutes, and then you've got to get out of here. Right? Yeah, I agree. And I think that emotional intelligence is so important for leaders, especially in these group settings, because you're dealing with people's emotions, their feelings, their beliefs, and you have to be sensitive to that and be able to navigate those waters. And like you said, sometimes it's not something that you learn in a traditional setting. It's something that you have to learn through experience and through practice, and through maybe doing some reading or some studying on emotional intelligence, but it's definitely a valuable skill for leaders to have. 

Yeah, if someone says something, you might say, you know, that reminds me of something. And so you're sort of taking them off in a little bit of a tangent. But that's where that person wanted to go anyway. Right. And so it's sort of a safe way to get them to open up a little bit. Right? Because you're not saying, Well, tell me about your wife, you know, and they might say, Oh, and you just, oh, you know, and so it's sort of a gentle way to sort of open up the door a little bit. Right. So let's talk about the deal with differing personalities in the group. So there's a few things you might want to do. You might want to have a potluck, right? Because now you're sort of creating this common ground. And maybe this is an idea of you've heard about the five love languages. And so you're sort of giving a nod to that, right? And you're saying, Okay, you know, everyone come and bring your favorite dish. And then we're gonna talk about this, or we're gonna have some time where we can just share our thoughts about this particular thing. And, you know, some people, they don't like to talk in the group. So maybe they can cook their favorite dish, and then sort of slip out and that's okay, right? But it sort of gives a nod to different personalities and sort of creates this common ground where people can come together and share. Another thing you might do is, you know, have a prayer walk or something like that, where you're sort of breaking people out of their comfort zones and sort of getting them to sort of interact in a different way than they would in the group. And then I know some people are really into this love language, thing, right. And so maybe you can, you know, send out a little quiz or something, or have people sort of take a little quiz on their own. And then come back and sort of share their results, right? Because now you're sort of giving them a tool that they can sort of take with them and sort of understand themselves better, but then they can also sort of share that with other people. Right. So those are just a few ideas of ways that you can sort of deal with different personalities in the group. Yeah, I think those are great ideas, you know, finding ways to build that sense of community and to honor the differences in people's personalities and preferences, you know, whether it's through food or through activities like a prayer walk or through exploring things like the five love languages, you know, those are all great ways to help people feel more connected and more understood within the group. Absolutely. And I think it just creates this sense of belonging, right? And that's really what you want in a group is you want people to feel like they belong and that they're valued and that their contributions are important. And so by sort of creating these opportunities for people to come together and to share and to interact in different ways, you're really sort of fostering that sense of belonging and that sense of community within the group. Yeah, and I think that's so important, especially in a Bible study setting where, you know, you're coming together around this common purpose of studying the Bible and growing in your faith. And so to have that sense of belonging and that sense of community really just enhances the whole experience for everyone involved. Absolutely.

And I think, you know, one of the things that I've sort of noticed is that, you know, when people feel like they belong, they're more likely to open up, right? And they're more likely to share and to be vulnerable. And I think that's really where sort of the growth happens, is when people are willing to sort of be vulnerable and to sort of share their struggles and their doubts and their questions, you know, that's when sort of the real sort of growth and transformation happens. And so by sort of creating this sense of belonging and this sense of community, you're sort of creating this environment where people feel safe and feel comfortable to sort of share those things. Absolutely. I think vulnerability is such a key aspect of growth and transformation, you know, when we're willing to be vulnerable and to share our struggles and our doubts and our questions with others, you know, that's when we can really receive support and encouragement and guidance from others who can come alongside us and walk with us in our journey of faith. And so I think, you know, creating that sense of belonging and that sense of community where people feel safe and comfortable to be vulnerable is just so important. Absolutely. And I think, you know, as leaders, you know, it's really important for us to sort of model that vulnerability, you know, to sort of be open and transparent about our own struggles and our own doubts and our own questions, you know, because I think when we do that, it sort of gives permission for other people to do the same, you know, it sort of creates this environment where it's okay to not have all the answers and it's okay to sort of wrestle with things and to sort of, you know, be in that process of growth and transformation. Yeah, I completely agree. I think as leaders, it's so important for us to be vulnerable and to model vulnerability for others, you know, when we're willing to be open and transparent about our own struggles and doubts and questions, you know, it creates that safe space for others to do the same. And it really helps to foster that sense of connection and belonging within the group. Absolutely. 

And I think, you know, when we sort of model vulnerability as leaders, you know, it sort of creates this culture within the group where it's okay to not have all the answers, you know, it's okay to sort of be in that process of growth and transformation and to sort of wrestle with things and to sort of, you know, be honest about where we're at, you know, and I think when we do that, you know, it sort of creates this sort of authenticity within the group, you know, where people can really sort of be themselves and sort of, you know, be real with each other. Yeah, absolutely. I think authenticity is so important, you know, when we're willing to be authentic and to be real with each other, you know, it creates that sense of trust and connection within the group. And it really helps to foster that sense of community and belonging that we're talking about. And I think, you know, as leaders, you know, it's so important for us to sort of create that space for authenticity within the group, you know, to create that safe environment where people feel comfortable being themselves and sharing their struggles and their doubts and their questions. Absolutely. And I think, you know, when we sort of create that space for authenticity, you know, it really allows for sort of deeper connections and deeper relationships to form within the group, you know, because when we're willing to sort of be real with each other and to sort of share our struggles and our doubts and our questions, you know, it sort of creates this sort of common ground where people can really sort of connect with each other on a deeper level. 

And I think that's really where sort of the growth and transformation happens, you know, when we're able to sort of connect with each other on that deeper level and sort of support each other and encourage each other in our journey of faith. Yeah, absolutely. I think when we're able to connect with each other on a deeper level and to be real with each other and to share our struggles and our doubts and our questions, you know, it really allows us to support each other and encourage each other in our journey of faith. And I think, you know, as leaders, you know, it's so important for us to sort of create that space for authenticity within the group, you know, to create that safe environment where people feel comfortable being themselves and sharing their struggles and their doubts and their questions. Absolutely. And I think, you know, when we're able to create that space for authenticity within the group, you know, it really allows us to sort of support each other and encourage each other in our journey of faith. And I think, you know, as leaders, you know, it's so important for us to sort of model that vulnerability and that authenticity for others, you know, to be open and transparent about our own struggles and doubts and questions. And I think, you know, when we do that, you know, it really helps to create that sense of trust and connection within the group. Absolutely. And I think, you know, when we're able to sort of create that space for authenticity within the group, you know, it really allows us to sort of support each other and encourage each other in our journey of faith. And I think, you know, as leaders, you know, it's so important for us to sort of model that vulnerability and that authenticity for others, you know, to be open and transparent about our own struggles and doubts and questions. And I think, you know, when we do that, you know, it really helps to create that sense of trust and connection within the group. Absolutely. And I think, you know, when we're able to sort of create that space for authenticity within the group, you know, it really allows us to sort of support each other and encourage each other in our journey of faith. And I think, you know, as leaders, you know, it's so important for us to sort of model that vulnerability and that authenticity for others, you know, to be open and transparent about our own struggles and doubts and questions. And I think, you know, when we do that, you know, it really helps to create that sense of trust and connection within the group.