Video Transcript: Introduction

Welcome to domestic tranquility. You're probably wondering, what does that  class title or that course title mean? Is a course title that is opposite of what we  have identified as domestic violence, and how violence connotes meaning that  is quite broad violence, not only between one person to another person, but  maybe violence within a person, having to do with life issues of all kinds, and  how we either get through those issues, or if we go around those issues, avoid  them, deny them, and how we need to turn to a loving God who knows our  hurts, our habits, our issues, our lives, so that we can move forward in His  power and His love and His grace. You see when we think about the Christian  life and we think about tranquility, we also equate that with the term peace,  peace. Now I've been a pastor for over 20 years, and God has brought me  through many different experiences and just introduce myself. I'm Dr Mark  Vandermeer from new Community Church in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and also  I'm the Executive Director of Community Recovery International, and I oversee a recovering ministry that ministers to three to 400 people a week, as well as over  1000 people overseas, as we bring recovery ministry involving the 12 Steps and their biblical comparisons, community development projects and the like, locally  and abroad. And so we have opportunity to speak to these issues having to do  with tranquility, locally and also globally. Now let's come back to personal issues, life issues that you and I deal with every day, because it goes back to our family  of origin. In this course, we'll look at family of origin, there'll be a consistent  theme from the beginning right now to the end. When we talk about forming a  community of recovery, we all have issues. We all have shortcomings. The Bible talks about it. And sometimes we have people in our lives, and I'm sure you  have them who say, Oh, you've been through that hurt, oh, you've been through  that hang up, oh, you should be over it by now, or perhaps someone close to  you dies, and after a few years, you still haven't gotten over that grief, and your  loved ones are looking at you, saying, What of it? Why haven't you gotten over  the grief? And often, what we want to do is this. We want to hide, get into the  shadows. We want to also not be aware and medicate, albeit with addictions,  drugs of choice, or just avoiding any of those life issues from before and also  currently, it's kind of like putting on a hat you putting it over our eyes, making  sure that no one is noticing that we're about to hide from ourselves. And then we put on that trench coat. You've seen it in the movies, and that trench coat we put it on to look incognito, to look like we are just passing through life as we know it,  and no one will see us. No one will notice that we will just pass through until the  day of our death, and we won't even address any of the life issues. We won't go  there because it's too painful, or we have too much anxiety, or what will other  people think and we just want to put up our collars and hide. Hide from the  inevitable, hide from that pain when Jesus says, instead, come to me. Take off  the hat. Let me see your eyes, not only your physical. Eyes, but the eyes of your heart. Take off the coat. I want to see the real you. I want to give you new life 

that brings peace, where you don't have to avoid the chaos that you're currently  living in I want to give you peace that passes all understanding, peace as I give  unto you. Jesus says, not as the world gives, but as I give unto you. John 14:27  declares it. Jesus was not only telling the people then during His ministry on  

earth, but also today, in 2018 and going forward into the future. So we put the  coat away. We put the hat away, but that is a process that doesn't just happen  overnight. We still put the coat back on. We still want to hide underneath the hat. We will still want to put things hurts underneath our hat. You know how they say, keep it under your hat? Because no one should know. No one should have the  revelation of what really is going on with you, with me and everybody else, avoid it. Unfortunately, we come to that place where we have a choice. And further on  in the course, we're also going to be looking at the dark sides of ourselves, and  as we lead people, as we lead organizations, which many of you are, or many of you are anticipating leading, or leading yourself your home, leading the  department you're working in, whether it be at a company or church or or a  nonprofit organization, we all have dark side to look at, five of them in particular  that we all need to be aware of in order to take off the hat and take out the pain  so that It doesn't hide anymore, and we are on the road to recovery, on the road  to tranquility, on the road to life, as Jesus defines it, because often we are  looking At the dark sides. It's too painful, too scary, like in Star Wars, as we all  know, of Darth Vader talking about the power of the dark side. Just come on  over. It's dark. You can hide and then just become part of the force or become  part of the cosmos, become part of whatever you think you ought to be, because it's going to be chaotic anyway. No, Jesus says to you and to me, just come on  into the light and you have hope through me. So we're introducing to you in this  video what domestic tranquility is truly about, the exchange life as God wants us to understand. I remember back 20 years ago, well, 21 years ago, I was invited  to preach at a local nursing home. And at this nursing home, they had a three  o'clock church service every Sunday afternoon, and I was the preacher, a young guy coming in. I had Bible in hand, sermon in hand. Everybody was sitting at  these long tables in a big square in the dining room, and we were already into  the third hymn. And then he came in. Let's just call him Harry. Harry came in in  his wheelchair, one of the staff finally got him there. Even though he was late,  his hair was everywhere. So I call him Harry, unkempt, just his bathrobe and a  shirt on at least and well, covered up and in his slippers, and they rolled him  around the tables right up to me. And as I was finishing with the third hymn, and  I got into my sermon and into my first point, this gentleman Harry, as he sat.  Right here, literally right a few inches from me. He was looking at me the whole  time. Now for some of you who feel self conscious, you know what I mean? It  doesn't feel comfortable. It feels awkward for myself, not so much. I was  accustomed to awkward situations like that. So as I'm preaching and and I'm I'm getting to my first big point as the preacher for the afternoon, Harry,, he would 

have nothing of it. As he sat there, he was listening what we could tell. And all  sudden, out of his mouth, he says, hurry up. And startled me and everybody  else in the in the cafeteria, I said, Amen brother, I'm, I'm on the way. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm hurrying up. You bet, a minute later again, hurry up, surprising me all over  again, and everybody else too. And now by this time, the staff is getting  embarrassed, the guest preacher who's getting interrupted by one of our our  residents, oh, my goodness. What are we going to do? Well, eventually, after  saying Hurry up a couple more times, which he did, hurry up, hurry up, the staff  member came around and wheeled him back out to his room, and I proceeded  with the rest of my sermon, the last hymn and dismissal of the service and many apologies afterwards, of course. But it got me thinking. I started to think, wow,  it's kind of like life when we're told to hurry up with our grief. We're told to hurry  up with with our pain to get over it in this western society, and some of you live  on the other side of the planet, opposite of the United States, maybe this is  similar in your culture, too. People just expect you to be okay when you're not  okay, and the dark side seems too easy to fall into. And so Romans, 3:23, here  on the screen, it says, For all have sinned and fallen short the glory of God, and  all are justified freely by his grace to the redemption that came by Christ. Jesus,  yes, we've all fallen short. It does create a lot of violence, hence domestic  violence shortcomings, and we don't seem to get it right. And yet, on many  occasions, we do, and we have success, and we achieve many great things,  although by God's power, God's grace, and yet, we do grow up in families where they tell us it's all up to you all by pulling up your bootstraps or or being the  individual, go for the gusto. Be who you want to be, do what you want to do. And often, what happens with that is that we fall into what we want, not what God  wants. We fall into our agenda, as opposed to God's will. After all, we still have  that choice. See, then, as we look at Scripture, looking at God and ourselves,  we also need to understand that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, as it  says in the book of Psalms, Psalm 139, and also we want to look at how God  has made us in His image. Therefore, God has a purpose for you. God has a  purpose for the people you are working with. And never forget and always bring  up Genesis 1:26 says. Then God said, Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, Father, Son, Holy Spirit, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea  and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all  the creatures that move along the ground, friends we are called by God, made  in His image, with his characteristics, his traits, and later on, this course, we're  going to talk about God's traits in you and me. We call temperament God's  wiring, the hard wiring he's put inside of you, the personhood he's given to you,  they reflect him right back, unfortunately, as we know in Genesis 3, as we read  on that well, take this cup, for example, and this cup, male, female, we are made by God and Adam and Eve were made perfect in God's image. And then, of  course, as we know, as you've taken the biblical theological courses, provided 

you've been through that part of the curriculum already, we learn about the fall of mankind. The fall of mankind is where Adam and Eve were told, here's the Tree  of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Here's where you don't go to don't touch it,  

don't even look at it. Avoid that. But it was a test, and we don't have time to get  into the why and the how, but we know that God describes it to us through  Moses, who wrote the book of Genesis. It was there. And we also know Adam  and Eve failed the test. They decided that I, Adam and Eve, they took the  hammer, because what God was doing is giving them a hammer. Literally, you  can either use the hammer to contribute to build and to continue to build the  creation build the kingdom of God. Be in step with God, be in total communion  with Him, God, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Or you can use the hammer  destructively, and that's what they did, where they said, no, no, I want to be my  own God. I and they believed the lie, but the devil gave them, as we know, said  that no you can control your own destiny. It's your agenda, quite honestly, that  created more domestic chaos and domestic violence, because then we get to  Genesis 4 and so on, about Cain and Abel, the first murder and the evil of  mankind. And that takes us into the areas of understanding who God is, who I  am, as a person or the self. And also understanding the people around me, the  community around me, how I relate with each person, how I relate relate with  the big group, how I relate with people in my own home. Later on, the course,  we'll talk about healthy marriage, healthy singleness, as well as how to conquer  those dark sides daily, and also how to address addictive behavior, and also  how to employ healthy conflict management. We are complex people, and we're made by a God who knew that we will be like Him by not being him, which takes us into the whole thing of where God wants us to go. He already knows that  we're broken, that the hammer was taken and we were smashed up thanks to  Adam and Eve's choices. And some of you may be familiar with the bridge  illustration. I want to put that on the board. For instance, in the bridge illustration, we know that we have man's side and we have God's side. So as you're sharing the good news of Jesus with someone else, this is the bridge illustration if you're an evangelist and you're needing a simple way of writing on a piece of paper or  a napkin, the good news of Jesus Christ and how God saves us from our own  separation from God. Here's a way to translate that. Here's a way to share it.  God says, well, mankind, with mankind, male and female, there's death, of  course, prior to death, ultimately, there's pain, suffering and so forth. On God's  side, there is life eternal. There's also being complete, and also the fact that we  have heaven to look forward to, new heaven and new earth. And also, too, he is  perfect, perfect, bringing peace, peace in who we are as male and female. So  mankind and God in the middle, we have sin. And of course, sin is separation.  Separation. What bridges that? Separation is Christ, Jesus. He bridges us over  to God's side. The question we have to ask people who are still seeking God for  asking questions about him, and who have not crossed the line of faith, who 

have not given their hearts over to Jesus, because that this is the this is the  foundation of it, folks. Now in the next video, we're gonna get into the biblical  and theological foundations that are underpinnings of this, but the main  message today is that we need to ask, where are you at on the bridge? Are you  here? Are you here? Are you over here? I'm almost there, not quite I'm still not  sure. A person may tell you at the coffee shop, but then others may say, Yeah, I  crossed that line. I'm over here because of Jesus Christ, and I have victory  salvation. I don't have to hide anymore with the coat and the hat or the cloak  and the dagger. I don't have to worry anymore about the brokenness that God  has the hammer and he has taken it away, and now I have peace that passes all understanding that takes care of the dark sides and brings me into the light. Yes, beginning now in this life. Don't have to wait till heaven for this. It can begin now  to bring tranquility with my with between me and God and me and myself, and  also between me and others. So we're going to look at the whole journey of how that works. It's interesting, because too often, and we still fall into this, we fall  into what we call the toddler's creed. And some of you may know this already,  for those of you, here's it. Here's the toddler's creed. It says it goes like this, if I  like it, it's mine. If I can take it away from you, it's mine. If I had it a while ago, it's mine. Well, as I say, it's mine, it's mine. If it looks like mine, it's mine. If you're  having fun with it, it's definitely mine. Now, if you lay it down, it's mine. If it's  broken, it's yours, because we're all about self to begin with. Coming back to the bridge illustration again, Jesus says I will bring you to life abundant. But we still  go through this process because of our will over God's will, and we often too, we need to determine who we really are, because in the community, we assume  that we're never alone. We're never alone. We can't be alone. One of the things  that we're also going to address is the 12 step process, and on the screen today, I want to just share with you a preview of the 12 steps as we look forward to  using them in understanding the process of becoming more like Christ, bringing  tranquility into our lives and the lives of others in a God honoring healthy  manner. But first, we deal with ourselves, deal with what we want to hide from  step one in the 12 Steps of recovery. And these steps have come out of  Scripture, in fact, to translate, it comes out of a biblical theological foundation, or foundations you're thinking, Oh, that's an Alcoholics Anonymous thing, or that's  a Narcotics Anonymous thing, or that's just those people, or a recovery thing, or  something that's that they do it at the psychiatric hospital. Not true. It isn't about  in too long we've had that perception recovery is biblically and theologically  sanctification, sanctification. We all have issues. We all have needs. We all have wants. And the wants, the needs, those are natural. God gives it to us however,  He's given us a will, and it comes down to choices, do we choose God, or do we choose our will? And that leads us into things that we think we need, but we  don't. God provides us our needs. Matthew 6, Jesus says, Seek first the  kingdom of God and all these other things, all the stuff he'll he'll add to it, he'll 

provide for your needs. But the birds of the air, the flowers of the field, God says  to you and me, I will help you overcome those dark sides in your life. We always  come to question, however, yes, prayer is the first place, the first step, and  surrender your heart to Jesus. But beyond that, what's the road map? What are  the next steps? Speaking of steps, the steps of recovery are applicable in this  process of crossing line of faith, becoming fully into the place where God is and  following him step one recovery says this, we admitted we are powerless over  our addictions and compulsive behaviors, and that our lives have become  unmanageable. Romans 7:18 says, I know that nothing good lives in me, that is  in my sinful nature, for the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  Step two, we may came to believe that a power greater than ourselves to  restore us to sanity. And Philippians 2:13, for it is God who works in you to will  and to act according to His good purpose, His the life he wants for you is a  complete life. In Christ, in step three, we made a decision to turn our wills and  our lives over the care of God. Romans 12:1, therefore, I urge you, brothers and be of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to  God. This is your spiritual act of worship. So with these first three steps in step  four, right through step 12, that takes us into specifically some prayers and also  scripture throughout where we yield to God everything, and God begins to work  in you and me. And some of the material that we're going to be looking at too in  the course comes from the book overcoming the dark side of leadership by Dr  Sam Rima and Dr Gary McIntosh. Great book. Highly recommend it. I'll have  some excerpts from the book posted online with the sessions. In addition to  books such as Good to Great by Jim Collins, some good things in here about  leadership and, of course, being a humble servant leader. In addition to other  books such as thriving through conflict, through ministry conflict, if you're in  ministry, but but in general, thriving through conflict and dealing conflict  management, God's way, not our way. I'll also be referencing, at times, Patrick  Lencioni, who wrote the book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team and many other  good ones, as well as Dr Quentin Schultz, who wrote recently, and I highly  recommend this book as well. Of course, I recommend them all communicating  or communicate like a true leader, communicating like a true leader. And he  writes on the subject of servant leadership. And all these books are on  amazon.com check it out, probably some good used copies, that you can get a  hold of, and go from there and end with this, as we look forward to looking at the exchange life, where we give our will over to God, and as the 12 Steps give us  that those markers to do so that road map and. There's a story about a mother  and her sons, and truly, as we look at who we are, why we are ourselves, and if  you're a person who's just come out of prison, or you've been out of prison for a  long time, or somewhere in between, or jail, or you've been through rehab, or  maybe you are new in ministry. You're wondering, how, how do I minister people who are on the sidelines, who are marginalized or disenfranchised, or who are 

dealing with addictions or just dealing with life? Well, I hope the story helps to  put it into perspective as we look towards the adventure, the adventure of  saying, Wow, tranquility is achievable. Yes, I there is life after prison. I can come  out of my own prison that I put myself into because of my dark sides. Story goes like this, three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they did very well one  day, the three competitive brothers always trying to one up each other, got back  together to discuss the gifts that they were giving to their elderly mother. The  first said, I built a big house for mom, proud of himself. The second said, Well, I  got a Mercedes with a driver. And the third brother said, I got you both beat. Ha,  you know how mom enjoys the Bible and you know she can't see very well. I  sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a  monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year  for 10 years. And by the way, that's a million dollars for them to train him, but it  was worth it. And just think, this is the million dollar parrot. Mom just has to  name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it. Soon thereafter, their  mother sent out her letters of thanks. To the first son, she wrote, Milton, the  house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole  house. Oh, to the second son, she wrote, Marty, I am too old to travel. I stay  home all the time, so I never use a Mercedes, and the driver so rude up to the  third son, her message was softer, dearest Melvin, you were the only son to the  good sense to Know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious. A  million dollar parrot that the mom thought was chicken eaten up. You see, it's  kind of like our lives, if we don't address the chaos, and we don't look at  ourselves and become self aware. Look at the wellness that God wants to give  to you and me, to put away the trench coat and the hat and to overcome the  dark sides come into the light. We might, in fact, just be eating a million dollar  chicken that we don't want to eat. God bless you as we go forward in the journey we're about to take into domestic tranquility.