Transcript & Slides: Emotional Fitness

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Emotional Fitness
By David Feddes

In 2005 a painting came up for auction in New Orleans. This painting was described as being kind of a wreck—dirty and dingy, with a lot of paint that seemed to be globbed over what may have been an original underneath. But it was a very old painting, and so it was purchased at that auction for $10,000. You might think, “Well, that's not a bad price for a painting.” After the painting had been purchased, it was cleaned up and restored to much closer to its original condition. And twelve years later, when that painting was sold at auction, it didn’t sell for $10,000—it sold for $450 million.

$450 million! Now why the change? Well, it was learned that that painting was an original by Leonardo da Vinci, the master painter. And it was a painting he had made of Christ, titled Salvator Mundi—“the Savior of the World.” From $10,000 to $450 million because it was discovered to be a work of the master.

Now imagine if a painting had feelings. How would you feel if you were described as a wreck—dingy and dirty and not original? And then imagine how you’d feel if you became the most valuable painting in the history of the world. Well, think about your own emotional life. A painting would probably feel quite a lot better if it had such an enormous value placed on it and if it learned that it was the work of the master. And so it is with us. Sometimes we may feel worthless, of very little value, of not much significance—dirty and dingy. But when you discover that you are the work of the master, that you are made in his image, and that you are cleaned up and redeemed by him, and then you learn the price that was paid—not just lots and lots of dollars, but the precious blood of the Son of God himself—then that would change the way you feel. If a painting’s feelings would change when it's sold for such a ridiculously large amount of money, how do you feel when you know that you're made by the master, that you're made in the master’s image, and that you're purchased at an infinite price?

Before I say anything else about emotional fitness, the core of it is this: we have tremendous value because we are the work of the greatest artist. We are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 2:10), and that ought to be at the very core and the definition of how we feel. Emotional fitness is rooted in who we are—as created and redeemed and restored by the living God.

We're going to look at a number of things about emotional fitness in this talk. The first thing I want to highlight is simply how we define emotional fitness. You're emotionally fit when you're in tune with reality and in tune with others and in tune with God. When your feelings correspond to the way things are, you're emotionally fit. When you display your emotions appropriately—there are times when certain emotions shouldn't be felt, but there are also times when they shouldn't be displayed in certain ways—and so part of fitness is how you display them.

Another element is the fact that your emotions are very closely linked with other parts of total fitness. Your emotions affect your other aspects of your life, and those things affect how your emotions are. Your emotions sense true and deep realities. They're part of the equipment God gives you for encountering and deeply experiencing and knowing reality. And so being in tune with your emotions can help you get in tune with deep realities. And as you do that, you get hints of your own heart and hints of God’s heart by what you feel.

The final thing that I'm going to highlight is that there are painful emotions. But those emotions are limited in how great they are and how long they last. But when you belong to the Lord, the joyous emotions—the pleasant emotions—are unlimited. They are infinite in size and they last forever.

So let's look at each of these. First of all, how do we understand and define emotional fitness? Well, your feelings are in tune with reality. Your feelings are accurate. When you're afraid, there's something actually to be afraid of. When you're feeling joyful, there's something to feel glad and joyful about. You're not just feeling joyful because it's just a feeling, even when everything is rotten. When you're feeling guilty, there's something actually to feel guilty about. You're in tune with reality when you're feeling things that accurately correspond with the way reality is.

Your feelings are also healthy when they're in tune with others—when the sadness of others makes you sad, when the gladness of others makes you glad. There is something emotionally fit about you when their feelings affect your feelings. Maybe they don't completely control your feelings, but when you're in tune with how they feel, and when your feelings resonate with theirs, you're emotionally fit.

And you're emotionally fit when your feelings are in tune with God—when the things that bring God joy bring you joy, when the things that anger God make you angry, and so forth. When your feelings are in tune with God, that's a key element of emotional fitness.

Another aspect of fitness emotionally is how do you display your emotions? “A fool shows his annoyance at once” (Proverbs 12:16). A fool is easily triggered, and he shows exactly how he feels. By contrast, a man of understanding is even-tempered. He's not easily triggered. His emotions don’t just flare up over every little thing. And when his emotions do flare up, he doesn't always show how he feels if it's not appropriate to show it in those circumstances. If he's really angry at somebody, but it would do more harm than good to show that anger, he might control his expressions of that anger.

On the other hand, there are times when an expression of joy might be something you moderate a little bit. For instance, if you're negotiating the purchase of something and all you do is say, "Oh, that thing brings me so much joy. I can't be happy without it. I'm so excited about it"—well, if you're negotiating with somebody about the price, you might want to dial back that sense of how ecstatic this is going to make you, and first finish the deal. Those are just a few examples of how emotional displays might not always serve your best interests.

“Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control” (Proverbs 25:28). If you have no ability to manage how your emotions are displayed, you're like a city that's just open to being invaded and run over. “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control” (Proverbs 29:11). You get the basic point. Don’t let everything out there just control your emotions completely. And don't show your emotions all the time. There are times to show them. There's also times to keep a lid on how excited you display yourself to be.

And nowadays, with the use of social media, for instance, some people say some really dumb and angry things on social media that they would have been better off just not saying at all. And on the other hand, there are people who are gushing their love for their latest boyfriend in front of a thousand of their Facebook friends. And they're saying, "Oh, you're my sweetest. I love you so much. You're the greatest ever." And two weeks later, they've broken up. You know, sometimes you might want to just keep some of those emotional gushings to yourself a bit—until there's a real commitment. Your 1,000 Facebook friends don't need to know every feeling that's in your heart, because they're not all your true close friends.

So again, the ability to understand when it’s appropriate to display your deepest feelings, when it’s appropriate to display your anger. On the other hand, you can go to the other extreme and just keep your emotions hidden all the time—keep everything buttoned up and bottled up.

And this is simply a fact about emotions: none of us fully understands the emotions of another person. “Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy” (Proverbs 14:10). The things that make me sad—not anybody else can really feel everything I feel about that. And they can't always feel the things that I'm all excited about. Each heart has its own feelings, and there's a limited degree to which we may be able to share each other's feelings, but it's very limited.

“Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief” (Proverbs 14:13). Some of the people you see who are cracking jokes and smiling and seeming to be very happy, in fact have aching hearts and a lot of grief. There are comedians—very funny people who can make others laugh—who commit suicide. Even in laughter, the heart may ache.

We have these emotions that can’t be known fully by others, and yet we can make them known more fully than we do.

“Better is open rebuke than hidden love” (Proverbs 27:5). There are some people in relationships who almost never show what they really feel toward another person. You’d be better off sometimes scolding another person and actually letting them know how you feel than always keeping your feelings hidden, because hidden love doesn’t do them a lot of good.

Sometimes there are some fathers, for instance, who’ve grown up in a culture where they always keep a stiff upper lip, and they may love their kids like crazy, but they’ve never actually hugged them or said, “I love you.” The feelings that they have for their kids are all just tied up inside, and they don’t show it. That’s not necessarily very good for those fathers, and it’s certainly not very good for their kids to never experience the expressions of their father’s emotions toward them.

And so we need to realize that there are times when we maybe gush our emotions too much and don’t control those displays. But there are also times when we hide them too much from one another, and we need to share a little bit more of what’s going on inside and how we feel toward others. Sometimes we need to share the heartache that we feel so that somebody else can come alongside us and encourage us and love us, rather than just facing it all on our own.

That brings us to the fact that, really, when we’re emotionally fit, we have a greater degree of the ability to feel with other people and to help them in their feelings. “A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones” (Proverbs 15:30). When I’m cheerful and I have a cheerful look, often it can be contagious and bring more cheer into the life of someone else. So we can feel with others when our cheer spreads to them.

But there are also times when even being cheerful and showing that cheerfulness can be mistimed. You may think, “Oh what a glorious morning! What a beautiful day! Isn’t life wonderful? God is good all the time, isn’t he?” And you’ll be showing all this cheer and all this happiness—but if the person you’re showing it to is grieving, is heartsick, then your cheer just makes it worse. “Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart” (Proverbs 25:20). So in some circumstances a cheerful look brings joy to somebody else’s heart, but sometimes the way you express your cheer can just make it hurt worse for somebody who’s already struggling.

And sometimes they’re not struggling so much; sometimes it’s just too early in the morning and they haven’t had their cup of coffee. “If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse” (Proverbs 27:14). One of my favorite proverbs. When you’re not a morning person, then somebody may bless you and say all sorts of cheery things to you, and you just don’t feel like being blessed—because it’s too early and you haven’t awakened yet.

The Bible—especially the book of Proverbs—just covers it all. It covers all those different feelings we have, all those different circumstances in life. And being emotionally fit means that you have enough of a sense of how others feel that you know when to express things and when not to. So when somebody’s really down, you have a sense of that and you don’t try to be too cheery around them. When it’s a little too early in the morning for somebody who’s not a morning person, then you don’t give those loud, loud cheery blessings until they’ve awakened a little bit more.

The Bible says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another” (Romans 12:15–16). And a big part of living in harmony is having feelings that are in harmony with each other. “If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together” (1 Corinthians 12:26). There, the Scripture is talking about the body—not just the human body (although if your thumb has just been hit by a hammer, your whole body suffers, and if something’s going well for your body, all the members rejoice). And Paul says that’s what it’s like in the body of Christ: when one person suffers, they all suffer; when one person is honored, they all rejoice together.

Now this is sometimes easier said than done. It’s not always easy to rejoice with those who rejoice. Let’s say that somebody in your class in school has just gotten a top grade—fantastic, straight A—and you haven’t done so well on the test. You say, “Woohoo! I’m so glad they got that good grade.” Well, maybe not—because you feel kind of bad about that bad grade you got.

Or you’re a young person and you go to the wedding of your friend. Then you go to the wedding of another friend. Then you go to the wedding of another friend—and you’re still single and wishing you could find the right person. You might rejoice with your friends in their marriages, but you also feel some sorrow in the fact that you haven’t yet found the right person.

Or you may go to somebody’s wedding anniversary celebration and you can rejoice with them. But if your own marriage ended—by being widowed, or collapsed in divorce—then you may rejoice with your friend in their anniversary, but you feel even more intensely the pain of your own loss.

And I could give other examples of how when something’s going well for somebody else, but it’s not going well in that area in your own life, then sometimes it’s just hard to share their joy. You may be a couple who’s longing to have a baby, and you just haven’t been blessed with a baby—you’ve been struggling with infertility. And your friends are all having these little ones, and they’re giggling and they’re cute and they’re having a ball—and it can make your heart hurt. So sometimes it’s hard to rejoice with those who rejoice and to be glad with others in their gladness.

It can also be hard to mourn with those who mourn. It’s not fun to go to hospitals. It’s not fun to visit nursing homes. It’s not a lot of fun to go to a wake or to a funeral where there’s a great loss and there’s a lot of grief. And some people just try to avoid those. But according to the Bible, “Mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). Enter into their feelings of sorrow, and feel sorrowful with them. When somebody’s struggling, don’t avoid them.

In the book of Job, we sometimes read about Job’s friends and we think, “Oh, those friends of Job weren’t very good friends because they were kind of picking on him and being mean to him in a hard time in his life.” But get this straight—they sat with Job for seven days without saying a word (Job 2:13). Before they did anything else, they showed up. Part of helping and loving and ministering to others is just showing up and not saying much, and feeling what they feel.

So don’t avoid people who are suffering just to spare your own feelings from feeling a little worse. Instead, enter into those and mourn with those who mourn. At the same time, don’t do what Job’s friends proceeded to do—don’t judge. Because when somebody else is going through a hard time or in mourning, there’s a temptation to find what may have caused that and to blame them for it.

So when we learn that someone was killed in an accident, we say, “Well, were they wearing their seat belt?” First thought we have. And we may want to judge them rather than entering into the mourning of those who are left behind. Or somebody gets a sexually transmitted disease, and we’re so busy blaming them for getting it and doing something that brought it on themselves that we’re not just grieving with them that they have something that could threaten their life.

So don’t be in a hurry to judge. And especially, where the person is completely innocent. Because there may be times when we’re trying to figure out what went wrong for them. And Job said to his friends, “The reason you’re blaming me is because you’re actually afraid for yourselves. And you’re trying to tell yourself that this couldn’t happen to you because you’re better than I am” (see Job 6:21; 13:4). And that’s what’s going on often when we’re judging people who are in positions of suffering and anguish—we’re trying to say, “Well, I wouldn’t want that to happen to me. And I don’t think it can happen to me, because I’m not doing what they did.”

Well, don’t stay away from people in suffering. Don’t judge. And don’t try too hard to cheer them up. The Bible doesn’t say, “Cheer up those who are mourning.” It says, “Mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). There may be a time when somebody’s just feeling a little down and a cheery word will help them out. But when people are in really deep and difficult feelings, they just need somebody to be there with them. Just show up. Be a friend. Share a tear with them.

Joy shared is joy multiplied. When somebody’s celebrating, the celebration’s even better when people rejoice with them. And sorrow shared is sorrow divided. The burden just doesn’t feel quite so heavy if you know that somebody else is in it with you. Feel with others. And part of that feeling with others, then, is displaying how you feel—so that you’re weeping with them, so that your tear is going down your cheek as you have your arm around them, or the smile is on your face in the success that they’re enjoying. And part of that is again sharing feelings and displaying those feelings in a way that helps others—so that their joy is multiplied, so that their sorrow is divided.

Emotions have a big impact. I’m a pastor. I’m speaking about emotions, and some religious teachers and scholars like to downplay emotions. They like to emphasize thoughts, ideas, doctrines, truths—and say how you feel isn’t all that important. Well, the Bible shows the great importance of feeling. Doctrines matter, and truths matter—of course they do—but feeling and emotion are very important in the Scripture and in our lives.

“An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up” (Proverbs 12:25). When you help a person’s emotions, you’re helping them. When emotions are dragging you down, it hurts your life—and you can’t just tell yourself emotions don’t matter. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life” (Proverbs 13:12). You want something and you keep longing for it and it doesn’t come—and your heart just gets sicker and sicker. But when your longing is fulfilled, then it’s almost like you’re eating from the tree of life in the Garden of Eden. Who says emotions don’t matter?

“The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit” (Proverbs 15:4). That tongue that accuses you, that tells you bad things about yourself that aren’t true—it can crush your spirit. That slandering tongue—because it’s destroying you emotionally. Verbal abuse is a very serious thing because emotions matter, and verbal abuse destroys people emotionally.

“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones” (Proverbs 14:30). Healthy emotions are healthy for you physically. “A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit” (Proverbs 15:13). “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22). Again, the physical impact of your emotional condition. “A man’s spirit sustains him in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?” (Proverbs 18:14).

And these things all point to the fact that emotional fitness interacts with all the other parts of total fitness. Take spiritual fitness, for instance. When you know that you’re right with the Lord, when you’re walking with him, it brings joy and peace and love and other great emotions into your life. When, on the other hand, you’re out of tune with God, sometimes it has a very negative emotional impact on you as well.

And the impact goes the other way too. Sometimes, if your emotions are wounded—if you’re not emotionally healthy—you might still be on actually pretty good terms with God, you’re not necessarily spiritually all that sick, but you begin to feel more and more spiritually sick. And it affects how you relate to God just because your emotions are in a very disturbed state. A depressed person, for instance, may not have committed any great crime and sin against God that brought on that depression. But nonetheless, that cloud of depression can really make them feel far from God.

We’ve already highlighted the fact that positive emotions can have a great and positive physical impact. When you have negative emotions that are just overwhelming you, you can get ulcers, you can get lack of sleep, you can get things that sap your energies and start to wear down your immune system. Emotional difficulties can really harm the body.

And on the other side of the coin, how you’re doing physically can affect your emotions. If you’re in physically great health, it often has an impact just on how you feel. And if you haven’t eaten right, or if you haven’t gotten enough sleep, it can affect how you feel emotionally.

You can see that in little children. You have a little child who’s really sad and is crying. And you don’t necessarily say, “Oh child, who in your life has died? What great tragedy has befallen you, oh little one?” If they’re crying, it might mean that they need a bottle. It might mean that they need a nap or to be put to bed for the night—because their physical condition is what’s driving their emotional displays.

And that’s not just true of babies. If you are physically not in great shape for a long time—if you’re really depriving yourself of sleep—it’s going to catch up with you. It’s going to start affecting your moods. And so we need to understand this interaction and be alert to that.

You say, “Well, how could emotions affect your finances?” Well, I’ll give an example. I know a man—a professional—who was making good income from a certain line of work. And then one day he blew up in the presence of another professional. And that professional took a complaint to the oversight body that dealt with that profession. And that person was censured and punished and not allowed to practice for a while in their profession. And of course that had an enormous financial impact. And it became a problem because of emotions—because of uncontrolled anger that erupted in the presence of another person. So it had a big financial impact on them.

And of course, you already know that if you’re struggling with financial difficulties yourself, it can have an impact on your emotions—just the worries and the troubles that come from financial strains.

Intellectual matters can affect your emotions. If you have it clear in your head—let’s go back to our beginning example—if you have it clear in your head that you’re God’s workmanship, that you’re the work of the Master, that he treasured you and loved you, and you have those things clear in your mind—it has a tremendous impact on your emotions. And when your emotions are healthy, you’re able to think more clearly. When your heart is at peace, when you just feel right, then your head is also on straight. When you’re in emotional turmoil, it’s hard to think clearly and logically and make sound decisions.

Do I really need to say that your emotional and your relational well-being are closely related? If you’re down and depressed all the time, it affects your relationships. If you’re angry almost all the time, it poisons relationships. If, on the other hand, you’re always a fake smiley, and never willing to feel anything but what’s positive—that can harm relationships as well. Because everybody starts to deal with you in a superficial manner, because they know you’re superficial, because you’re faking being cheerful all the time.

And of course, it goes the other way. Your emotions don’t just affect relationships. Relationships affect emotions. If you have tension in a relationship with somebody, it hurts you inside emotionally. When things go well in relationships, it brings you joy, and you have a greater sense of peace and well-being.

Your vocational life—your work and your calling—are affected by your emotions. I already gave one example; I’ll give another. I knew a man who was able to get a good job, and he was working at that job. And then he had a blow-up with his boss—and he got fired. So he was able to get another job, and he was succeeding at the job for a while. And then he had a blow-up with that boss—and he got fired. Then he got another job, and he was working along. He was skilled at what he did—he did it right. It was not any lack of skill or intelligence or ability. He had a blow-up with his boss—and he got fired.

He hadn’t dealt with the inner anger, with the emotional problems that he had—and it affected his ability to hold a job. On the other hand, your vocational well-being can also affect your emotional well-being. When you discover what you were made for, when you’re doing things you’re really good at and you’re excited about it—that makes you feel good. When you lose a job, or when you’re working at a job that you can’t stand and you think you’re ill-suited for—it’s kind of a drag on your overall emotional life.

I think I’ve given enough examples that I don’t need to persuade you any further. Your emotional fitness definitely interacts with the other parts of total fitness. And so to say, “Oh, emotions don’t really matter”—they matter a lot, because these other areas matter a lot, and they all affect each other.

Warped emotions misread reality. So part of being emotionally fit is being in tune with reality. And if your emotions are kind of mixed up, then they’re misreading reality. You may have panic attacks—and they’re panic attacks over nothing—but you just feel these intense waves of fear even though there’s really nothing to cause it. Or you may feel a cloud of depression and sorrow when nothing bad has happened to cause it. That means that your emotions are misreading reality, and you’re not well emotionally.

Sometimes you feel guilt and shame. And sometimes we are guilty or have done things to be ashamed of. But sometimes we haven’t. Sometimes our emotions are warped, and they’re misreading the situation. For example, if you were abused and talked about very badly while you were growing up, years later you may feel a lot of guilt and shame that’s totally misplaced—because what happened to you wasn’t your fault. But it harmed you emotionally so that your sense of guilt and shame isn’t really in tune with the way things are. Or you can feel anger and hatred when nobody’s really done anything that justifies your anger.

On the other hand, pleasant feelings can also misread things. You can have hope and joy and be all excited about something when there’s not much to be excited about—you’ve misread how things are going to turn out. You might feel pure and dignified and in the right when in fact—you stink. There’s no other way to say it. You may feel peace—but there are people in the Bible who say, “Peace, peace,” when there is no peace (Jeremiah 6:14; 8:11).

So warped emotions are out of tune with the way reality is.

Part of gaining emotional fitness is to have emotions that feel true realities. When you fear, there’s something to be afraid of—for example, the fear of the Lord or the fear of the coming judgment if you're not ready to face it. That is well-placed fear, and healthy emotions will feel that fear if you're not yet made right with the Lord. If you feel sadness and there’s something to be sad about, then your emotions are working the way they should.

I knew a woman whose brother was killed in a car accident. The moment they learned of that, her husband wanted to call the doctor and prescribe medication for his wife so she wouldn’t feel bad. Now, her brother had just been killed—she should feel bad about that. She doesn't need to medicate away the sadness. But the husband, as I already knew, had a drinking problem himself. He dealt with feelings he didn’t enjoy by trying to medicate them away, and so he wanted his wife to also. Why would you feel such intense sorrow when you could do something to make it not feel quite so bad?

But healthy feelings feel intense sadness when there’s something great to be sad about—some great sorrow. If you feel guilty for doing something bad, if you feel ashamed of doing something shameful, your emotions are working just fine. When you don’t feel guilty over bad things, then you have what the Bible calls a conscience that has been “seared as with a hot iron” (1 Timothy 4:2)—it’s just gotten deadened.

When you feel angry at things that are dead wrong, when you hate what is truly evil, then your feelings are working right. When you have pleasant feelings about God’s promised future or about great things happening, then your feelings are in tune with reality. When you feel pure and dignified because God has rescued you, God has cleansed you, he’s helping you to live for him—those feelings are in tune with reality. When you feel peace, when you feel love for what really deserves loving, then your emotions are feeling true realities.

And as you feel true realities, you need to understand that God gave us these emotions for a purpose—to help us to really understand and to know deeply, deep realities. And one deep reality is: life is far worse than I dare to admit. Sometimes intense sorrow or pain or anger awakens us to that fact. We don’t just read about something in the news—we feel very deeply. We feel almost crushed by it. And we sense that life is far worse than I dare to admit.

And when God gives us the joy unspeakable and full of glory (1 Peter 1:8), when he gives us the peace that surpasses understanding (Philippians 4:7), we say, “Life is far better than I dare to dream.” Our emotions expand our total experience and our awareness of these deep and terrible realities—and these deep and wonderful realities.

I am far worse than I dare to admit. When I’m hit with a wave of guilt and shame, then I know it’s not just one of those things where I say, “Hey, nobody’s perfect.” But I feel intensely how rotten I can be. And when I feel joy at who God has made me to be, then I feel that I’m far greater than I dare to dream.

When we try to ignore our emotions, we kind of just say, “Ah, nobody’s perfect.” We all just kind of meander along. Hey, the Bible says we are all sinners deserving hell, who’ve done hideous things—we are worse than we want to admit. And we were meant to rule with the Lord over creation in the original Garden. And when we’re redeemed, we’re meant to reign with Christ forever (Revelation 5:10; 22:5). We’re far greater than we dare to dream. And our intense emotions—our intense joys, our intense loves—are awakening us to those things.

And so we need to enter both into those terrible emotions that tell us, “I’m worse than I ever wanted to admit,” as well as those ecstatic emotions that say, “Life and I are greater than I ever dared to dream.”

Sometimes we avoid emotions because we fear God or are upset or angry with God. And it dawns on us that God is far harsher than I dare to fear. God is a just judge. God expresses his wrath against evil. And when I experience terror of his judgment, when I experience guilt—intense guilt—over my sin, then I’m dealing with things about God that maybe I’ve been trying to avoid for too long. And when I discover God’s grace, his mercy at the cross of Jesus Christ, the love poured out, I find that God is far kinder than I dare to hope (Romans 5:8; Titus 3:4–7).

Do you get what I’m saying? Emotion takes us deeper. It takes us deeper into things that are worse than we wanted to face—and things that are fantastic beyond anything that we dared to dream.

And one of the most important things about emotions, then, is that they give you heart knowledge. They give you knowledge of your own heart. They give you hints of what’s going on in your heart. If you try to avoid feelings, sometimes you’re not aware of what’s going on in your heart—what your heart is doing with reality, what your heart is doing with other people, what your heart is doing with God. To understand how you see reality, you’ve got to take account of the emotions.

To understand what’s going on with others, you say, “Well, why do I feel such anger?” or “Why do I feel such peace around that person?” Well, what’s going on in our relationship? What am I doing with them?

And many of us try to live in relation to God where we pull ourselves together, we go to church, we dress right. Hey, pay attention to how your emotions are doing, and they’ll tell you something about how your heart is doing in relation to God. They’re not infallible. They won’t tell you everything. But they send important signals.

And as you experience anger, they give you hints of God’s heart. God is a God of wrath against sin. And when your heart feels joy, it gives you a hint of God’s heart.

Now, there have been theologians who said God is without passions—God is without feelings. Theologians say that. But I can’t say the Bible says that. When I read the Bible, it speaks of the wrath of God, of the joy of the Lord, of the Lord loving and delighting—and all kinds of feelings that are used to describe God. Now, when we’re speaking of God, we know that he’s far beyond anything merely human, and that goes beyond our feelings. But still, the feelings that we experience are hints at something real and true about God. And God’s feelings—his wrath, as well as his love and his joy—reveal things about his character.

And if you just say, “Hey, I want to be unemotional. I want to ignore emotion,” you’re going to miss out on truths about your own heart and realities about God’s heart.

Fit emotions feel limited pain and unlimited pleasure. I’ll explain just a bit what I mean by that, and maybe say more in a future talk. Painful feelings are not necessarily bad, and painful feelings are not necessarily unfit—because when there are painful realities, then you ought to feel some pain about that. But it remains the fact that our painful feelings shouldn’t be too easily triggered, and they shouldn’t overwhelm us by their size, and they shouldn’t last forever—because those things are limited.

And God is unlimited. And the hope and joy, the purity and dignity, the peace and love that come from God—these things are gifts of God that are unlimited, because God is infinite. And they last forever, because God is eternal, and he’s designed us to be eternal.

And so emotional fitness feels the pain over the things that are part of this passing world—and also unlimited pleasure in the things that are part of God’s permanent world. And emotional fitness will sometimes feel a mix of emotions—but the winning emotions, the lasting and dominant emotions, are going to be the ones that come from joy and peace and love in the Lord.

Fit emotions feel limited pain—and we shouldn’t try to just shove all that pain off to the side—but we need to realize that it’s limited. And the pleasure that comes from God is unlimited.

So again: emotional fitness means you’re in tune with reality, with others, with God. You learn to display those emotions appropriately. Those emotions are very closely linked with other parts of total fitness. And they help us to sense true and deep realities and give us hints of our heart and of God’s heart. And they help us to see the limited pain of a broken world—but also the unlimited pleasure of a world in which God is all in all (1 Corinthians 15:28).

 

Emotional Fitness
By David Feddes
Slide Contents

Salvator Mundi

In 2005 a painting sold for less than $10,000. Twelve years later it sold for $450 million. Why the huge increase in price? After removing grime and restoring the painting, it was authenticated as the original Salvator Mundi (Savior of the World) by the great master Leonardo da Vinci. Likewise, we may be grimy with sin, and our value may seem low. But beneath the grime, and despite how low others may value us or how low we may value ourselves, we are created by the Master, and the price paid for us is the infinitely precious blood of the Son of God. Knowing ourselves to be created by God and purchased with Jesus’ blood is the foundation for emotional fitness.

Emotional fitness

• In tune with reality, others, and God.
• Displayed appropriately.
• Linked with other parts of total fitness.
• Sense true and deep realities.
• Hints of your heart and of God’s heart.
• Limited pain, unlimited pleasure.

Emotional fitness

Feelings are in tune with reality, others, and God.

Emotional displays

A fool shows his annoyance at once. (12:16)

A man of understanding is even-tempered. (17:27)

Like a city whose walls are broken down 
is a man who lacks self-control. (25:28)

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. (29:11)

Hidden emotions

Each heart knows its own bitterness, 
and no one else can share its joy. (14:10)

Even in laughter the heart may ache, 
and joy may end in grief. (14:13)

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. (27:5)

Feeling with others

A cheerful look brings joy to the heart, and good news gives health to the bones. (15:30)

Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart. (25:20)

If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse. (27:14)

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. (Romans 12:15-16)

If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. (1 Cor 12:26)

Joy shared is joy multiplied; sorrow shared is sorrow divided.

Emotional impact

An anxious heart weighs a man down, 
but a kind word cheers him up. (12:25)

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, 
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. (13:12)

The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. (15:4)

A heart at peace gives life to the body, 
but envy rots the bones. (14:30)

A happy heart makes the face cheerful, 
but heartache crushes the spirit. (15:13)

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. (17:22)

A man’s spirit sustains him in sickness, 
but a crushed spirit who can bear? (18:14)

Total Fitness
Emotional fitness interacts with other part of total fitness.

• Spiritual
• Physical
• Financial
• Intellectual
• Emotional
• Relational
• Vocational

 

Emotional confusion
Warped emotions misread reality.

Pleasant feelings

• Hope, joy
• Purity, dignity
• Peace, love

Painful feelings

• Fear, sadness
• Guilt, shame
• Anger, hate

Emotional fitness
Fit emotions feel true realities.

Pleasant feelings

• Hope, joy
• Purity, dignity
• Peace, love

Painful feelings

• Fear, sadness
• Guilt, shame
• Anger, hate

 

Emotional fitness
Fit emotions feel deep realities.

Life is far worse than I dare to admit.
Life is far better than I dare to dream.

I am far worse than I dare to admit.
I am far greater than I dare to dream.

God is far harsher than I dare to fear.
God is far kinder than I dare to hope.

Heart knowledge

Emotions give hints of your heart.

• What your heart is doing with reality.
• What your heart is doing with others.
• What you heart is doing with God.

Emotions give hints of God’s heart.

• Your feelings hint at God’s feelings.
• God’s feelings reveal his character.

Emotional fitness
Fit emotions feel limited pain and unlimited pleasure.

Pleasant feelings

• Hope, joy
• Purity, dignity
• Peace, love

Painful feelings

• Fear, sadness
• Guilt, shame
• Anger, hate

Emotional fitness

• In tune with reality, others, and God.
• Displayed appropriately.
• Linked with other parts of total fitness.
• Sense true and deep realities.
• Hints of your heart and of God’s heart.
• Limited pain, unlimited pleasure.