Video Transcript: Lesson 9 Marriage and Family

Hi, welcome to Christian basics lesson nine on marriage and family. The writer of this material is Dr. Ed Roels and I'm presenting it My name is David Feddes, I'll be presenting Dr Roels  words and adding some thoughts of my own introduction. One of the most important areas of  Christian living is that of marriage and the family. Even those who do not marry, do interact  with parents, brothers and sisters, or with other people who are married, so everyone can  profit from learning what the Bible teaches about this subject. marriage customs differ greatly  from one place or time to another. But there are some fundamental truths which are relevant  for people everywhere. Listen thoughtfully to what the Bible says about the proper relationship between husbands and wives, and between parents and their children. Question one, where  did the idea of marriage come from? From God Himself. In the beginning, God created a man  and the woman who would come together in a loving relationship, and eventually produce  children like themselves. Scripture references, so God created man in His own image, in the  image of God, He created him, male and female, He created them. And God blessed them  and said to them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it. And Jesus, referred  back to the Genesis account when he said, He who created them from the beginning, made  them male and female, and said, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, and  hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one  flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. So we have Genesis, in  the words of Jesus Himself, telling us that God is the inventor of marriage. Question two,  should everyone seek to be married? Not necessarily. The Bible highly commends marriage.  But the Bible also recognizes that some persons choose not to marry for good and sincere  reasons which are acceptable to God. Proverbs 18:22, says, He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 31 says, an excellent wife who can find she  is far more precious than jewels, the heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no  lack of gain. So it's very clear that marriage and an excellent life are highly valued in the  scriptures. However, the Bible also makes it very clear, especially when people are devoted to mission or living in very tough times when people are persecuting Christians, that being single has some important advantages. The apostle Paul talks about this in I Corinthians 7. Here's a  brief excerpt. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the  Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife and his  interests are divided. And the unmarried woman or betrothed woman is anxious about the  things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about  worldly things, how to please her husband, I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any  restraint upon you, but to promote good order, and to secure your undivided devotion to the  Lord. So if you are married and have a family, you do have to think about your spouse, you do have to think about your children. If you're single, and the Lord calls you to go into a particular situation, you don't have to worry so much about what your wife or children will think or how  they will be affected by it. And so you can be more nimble, more versatile in where you go  and what you do. If you're single. That's what the Apostle Paul is saying, and he himself was  single, and that gave him the opportunity to be a great missionary without worrying about how it might affect his wife or children. Question three, what does the Bible teach about the  husband's role in marriage? The husband is the head of the wife and should love his wife, just as Christ loved the church, his spiritual bride, and sacrificed his life for her. Ephesians 5 says,  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church. Husbands  love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. In the same way  husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  So being the head doesn't just mean that you're the boss, so to speak, it means your closely  tied to your wife, a head, that would bite the arm would be very foolish a head treats the rest  of the body very well. And so husband should treat his wife very well. And ultimately, because 

His task is to play the role of Christ in the love and the sacrifice that he does for his wife. I  Peter 3:7 says husbands love your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the  woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your  prayers may not be hindered. Now be a little careful about that phrase, the weaker vessel, it  does not mean the less valuable vessel, sometimes a plastic vessel is very hard to break,  whereas a much more precious vessel might be easier to break. And so if a woman is more  fragile, physically, because her husband is larger and stronger, she might be the weaker  vessel. That doesn't mean he's worth more than she is. And notice what it says you have to  love in an understanding way, do all you can to understand your wife in a way that recognizes her strengths or weaknesses, her preferences, and you honor her, and she is equally an heir  with you of the grace of life. Both of you are saved by the Lord Jesus Christ are created by  God and His image are indwelt by the Holy Spirit. And so you would be very foolish to  mistreat your wife. For all of those reasons, in addition to the reason that you are united with  her as one and when you harm her, you harm yourself. And notice, if you don't consider your  wife, then God may not consider your prayers, your prayers will be hindered. And if you live in consideration with your wife, then it helps your prayer life. Question Four. What does the Bible teach about the wife's role in marriage? wives should love their husbands and submit to them, just as believers submit themselves to Christ their spiritual husband. If husbands love their  wives with wholehearted and sacrificial love, as Christ loves the church, it will not be difficult  for wives to submit to their husbands, since they will be confident that their husbands will  always be seeking what is truly best for them. Scripture references Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. And I Peter 3, do not let your adorning be external, but let your  adorning be the hidden Person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by  submitting to their husbands. Now, notice that there is again a role being played where the  woman is to be reacting to the husband, the way that the church is to be reacting to Jesus to  show great love, and a desire to honor. And so when a woman acts in a right way, towards  her husband, she is preaching a beautiful sermon about the way the church responds to  Jesus Christ. If a wife is not honoring her husband is not respectful, is instead behaving in  ways that are harmful to the marriage, then she's also preaching a sermon, but it's a bad  sermon, because she can't help preaching. She's saying something about the way the church relates to Christ. The same is true of husbands. As a husband, I'm always preaching a  sermon about Jesus, because my role is designed to reflect the way that Jesus relates to his  church. And so if I love my wife, if I try to provide wise leadership for our marriage, then I'm  saying this is how Jesus treats his church, if I'm rude to her, if I'm not considerate of her, if I'm  not willing to sacrifice for her, I'm saying by my life, that that is how Christ treats his church,  because my role is intended to be a picturing of the way Jesus relates to his church. And so  when I sin against my wife, I'm not just sinning against her. I'm also violating and lying about  the way Jesus relates to his church. And so it's very, very important that husbands and wives  understand the Bible's teaching, and that they use that relationship to picture beautiful  realities about Jesus and His Church. Question five, how is the relationship between a  husband and wife like the relationship between God and His chosen people, and the  relationship between Christ and believers, God referred to himself as the husband of the  people of Israel. He loved them, blessed them, protected them, made a covenant with them  and gave them special promises. In the New Testament, the church is called the Bride of  Christ. Christ loved the church, prayed for her and gave his life for her. This special love and  care is a wonderful example of the kind of love husbands should have for their wives. And so  the way we relate to one another says something about the way Jesus relates to his church.  And by the same token, if we're not sure how to relate to each other, then the love of Jesus 

for His church provides us a splendid example, to get us back on track, to display what  marriage is all about. Isaiah 54:5 says, For your maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is  his name. And the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth, He is  called. Isaiah 62:5 speaks these beautiful words, as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride,  so shall your god rejoice over you. Jeremiah 31, says, I have loved you with an everlasting  love. Therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you. I was their husband, declares the  Lord. And then the last book of the Bible, the Book of Revelation speaks of the marriage  supper of the Lamb, the marriage of the Lamb, Jesus has come, and his bride has made  herself ready. Revelation 19:7, and Revelation 21:9 says, Come, I will show you, the bride,  the wife of the Lamb, and then it shows the New Jerusalem, the Church of God, made  perfect. And so we have these beautiful pictures in the Bible of God loving us the way a  husband loves his bride, and of God calling us to picture that kind of love in the way we  husbands love our bride. And wives are called upon to love their husbands in a way that  reflects the love that the church has for Jesus. Now, again, the fact that I'm supposed to  picture Jesus does not mean I am the Messiah, or that I am perfect like Jesus. And so as a  husband, I need to often repent of sins and admit those sins to my wife. So I should not think  that I'm like Jesus in all respects. But I am called to picture Jesus in the sacrifice and love that I have for my wife. Question six, What Does the Bible Teach About faithfulness to our  marriage partners? Well, we just read what God said, I have loved you with an everlasting  love. And if marriage is meant to reflect God's love, that we certainly should love without  stopping marriage partners should be faithful to each other at all times, and in every way. One of the 10 commandments says You shall not commit adultery. Exodus 20:14, so being  sexually unfaithful to your wife is explicitly prohibited by the law of God. Proverbs 5:18-20  says, Rejoice in the wife of your youth, be intoxicated, always in her love. Why should you be  intoxicated my son with a forbidden woman, and embrace the bosom of an adulterous.  Malachi 2:15 says, guard yourself in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless, to the wife of  your youth. Jesus said that you can be faithless or unfaithful, not just by physically committing adultery with another woman, but also by your attitudes and by the yearnings of your heart  and the way you look at people. Matthew 5:28, Jesus says, everyone who looks at a woman  with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. And so we need to  guard our eyes and guard our heart, from the way we look at other woman. Look at other  women and also the way we deal with images that you can find in movies and pornography  and things like that. Hebrews 13:4 says, Let marriage be held in honor among the all, and let  the marriage bed the undefiled for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. So it's  just very clear throughout all of the Bible that Adultery is wrong, that sexual involvement with  somebody outside of marriage or before marriage is wrong. Your body is meant for the one  spouse whom God gives you and you are to be faithful to that spouse all of your life. Question seven, what does the Bible teach about divorce? God intended from the beginning that  marriage should be permanent. in Old Testament times, however, Moses permitted some  people to divorce their wives because of the hardness of their hearts. in New Testament  times, Jesus reminded people that God's intention from the beginning was that marriage was  to be lifelong. Matthew 19:8-9 Jesus said, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from  the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, Whoever divorces his wife except for sex until  the immorality and marries another commits adultery. Some people had come to Jesus and  said, Hey, Moses said that if we gave people a certificate of divorce, we can divorce them.  And they took that as a sign that divorce is okay, as long as you do the right paperwork. And  Jesus said no, no, no. It's not just a matter of paperwork. And you've got to ask why Moses  allowed that. The law back then was just making the best of a bad situation. It was not telling  you that it's good to get divorced. It would say if things get so bad that you get divorced, at 

least make it public and do the paperwork right so that everybody knows the status of the  woman and she has some protection. But Jesus says if you go back all the way to the  beginning, it was not this way. God made a man and a woman for each other. And Jesus said, whatever. God joins together let no man separate. Romans 7:2-3 says for a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives. But if her husband dies, she is released from the  law of marriage. Accordingly, she will be called an adulterous if she lives with another man  while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law. And if she  marries another man, she is not an adulterous. So you're committed to your spouse for as  long as that spouse lives or as long as you live, that while both of you are alive, you are  bound to each other. If one dies, then the other is free to remarry. Question Eight What should a believer do if his or her partner is not a believer? believers should not seek a divorce if their  unbelieving partners are willing to continue living with them. Believing wives should be  submissive to their unbelieving husbands in all things lawful and appropriate, and continue to  live pure and holy lives. I Peter 3:1-2 says wives be subject to your own husbands so that  even if some do not obey the word, they may be one without a word, by the conduct of their  wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. So this is strong advice to women  whose husbands are unbelievers, it says don't don't just ditch them. And don't be bickering  with them all the time. And don't be arguing even about matters of faith all the time. Once  you've made clear your beliefs as Christian, then just live such a loving, kind, tender,  respectful life, that your husband is one over without any speeches from you. And this has  happened many, many times where a godly wife by her pure conduct and her love has drawn  her husband to faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. I Corinthians 7:12-15 says if any brother has a  wife who was an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If  any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should  not divorce him. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so in such cases, the  brother or sister is not enslaved. So there may have been some unbelieving spouses who  wanted to leave when their spouse became a Christian. Christians could be persecuted, there could be many disadvantages, or it just might have angered that spouse very much. And if  they want to leave, then you didn't have to try to stop it. But if the unbelieving partner was still  willing to live with you, then the Bible's instruction is go on living with that person. Question  Nine, what does the Bible teach about having more than one marriage partner? From the very beginning, God's intention for marriage was that men should have only one wife, and women  should have only one husband. Though there were plural marriages in certain Old Testament  times. These marriages often lead to jealousy or other problems. Jesus and the apostles  made it clear that believers should have only one marriage partner, and that they should be  faithful to each other, as long as they both lived. Genesis 2:24, says, Therefore a man shall  leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. You  notice, this is how God designed it at the beginning. One man, one woman, in Deuteronomy  17:17, God is giving instructions to Kings about what they should or shouldn't do. And God  says the king shall not acquire many wives for himself, lest his heart turn away. And one of  the worst examples of that was Solomon who married many wives, some of whom were not  followers of the Lord God, and he began to build temples for their idols and his own heart  began to go with stray, but his first mistake was in thinking he should have many wives  instead of just one. I Corinthians 7:2 says each man should have his own wife, and each  woman, her own husband. Notice it doesn't say wives, or husbands. one spouse is God's  intention. Question 10 What does the Bible teach about the physical or sexual side of  marriage? Sexual relations within the bounds of marriage are good, desirable and a gift of  God. Both husbands and wives should be very sensitive to the needs and desires of their  partners. They should not make unreasonable demands or take advantage of one another or 

do anything that would hurt their partner, either physically or emotionally. Now in the Scripture references an entire book of the Bible speaks of romantic love and the physical aspects of  romantic love Song of Songs, Song of Songs 1:2 says, Let him kiss me with the kisses of his  mouth for your love is better than wine. 2:16 says, My beloved is mine and I am his he grazes among the lilies. 4:1-7, the man is speaking to his beloved wife, and he says, Behold, you are  beautiful, my love behold, you are beautiful. Then he goes into poetic detail about various  elements of her body, your eyes, your hair, your teeth, your lips, your cheeks, your neck, your  two breasts, you're all together beautiful, my love, there is no flaw in you. And her response in 4:16, is let my beloved come to his garden and eat his choices fruit, so she's inviting him to  enjoy her body. And then she speaks of him and of his body. In chapter 5:10-16. She says, My beloved is radiant and ready, his head, his eyes, his cheeks, his lips, his arms, his body, his  legs, his mouth is most sweet, and he is altogether desirable. This is my beloved. And this is  my friend, and many more words similar to that occur throughout the Book of Song of Songs.  And it's very evident, that the bodily, physical sexual love is a gift of God to be enjoyed by a  man and woman. Proverbs 5:18-20, rejoice in the wife of your youth, let her breasts fill you at  all times of delight, be intoxicated, always in her love. And so having read all that, it's very  clear that it's a false idea that God or Christianity is opposed to sex, God invented it. And God encourages husbands and wives to delight in sexual relations with each other. And not only  then is it to be a delight, but also it is a way of avoiding adultery and wrong expression of  sexual desire. The Apostle says, because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man  should have his own wife, and each woman, her own husband, I Corinthians 7:2. And then I  Corinthians 7 goes on to say the husband should give to his wife for conjugal rites and  likewise the wife to her husband, for the wife does not have authority over her own body, but  the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the  wife does, Do not deprive one another have sexual relations except perhaps, by agreement  for a limited time, so that you may Devote yourselves to prayer, but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self control. So if a husband and  wife are going to abstain from sexual relations for a little while, it should be by the agreement  of both and then they should come together again, before too long a time because otherwise,  one or the other might be tempted. So that's just practical advice on how to avoid temptation  in a marriage satisfy each other delight in each other. Question 11. What does the Bible teach about same sex marriage? In both the Old and New Testaments, all homosexual relationships are condemned. Leviticus 20:13, says if a man lies with a male, as with a woman, both of  them have committed an abomination, they shall surely be put to death, their blood is upon  them. Now, this does not mean that nowadays it's okay to murder homosexual persons or that the government ought to inflict the death penalty on them in the New Testament dispensation.  The Church does not apply the death penalty. Rather, there would be church discipline where  people who are involved in homosexual relationships would not be allowed to participate in  the Lord's Supper and would be warned to repent. Jude 1:7 says Sodom and Gomorrah and  the surrounding cities, which were noted for their sexual immorality including homosexuality.  Those cities which likewise indulged in sexual immorality and pursued unnatural desire, serve as an example by undergoing a punishment of eternal fire. Romans 1:26-27, tells about  homosexuality as a characteristic of some people who are living under God's wrath and  whom God has given over to their own desire. their women exchanged natural relations for  those that are contrary to nature. And the men likewise gave up natural relations with women,  and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men,  and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. I Corinthians 6:9-10 says, Do not  be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality will inherit the kingdom of God. Now, again, this does not mean that anybody 

who ever committed adultery, or anybody who ever committed a homosexual act cannot be  saved far from it, because the very next verse goes on to say, and such were some of you,  but you were washed, you were sanctified, you are justified. So he say, if you don't continue in that and if you are washed by the blood of Jesus and indwelt by the Holy Spirit, you can be  saved. But if you continue worshipping idols, or living in sexual immorality, or adultery or  homosexuality, then you will go to hell because you are not repenting of your sin or seeking  salvation from it. Question 12 What does the Bible teach about having children? The Bible  regards the birth of children as a great blessing from the Lord, the very first blessing in  Genesis 1:28, God blessed them and God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply and fill the  earth and subdue it. Later on in Deuteronomy 28, God is speaking of the blessings that will  come to those who obey Him. All these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, if  you obey the voice of the LORD your God. Bless shall you be in the city and bless shall you  be in the field, Blessed shall be the fruit of your womb. Psalm 127, written by King Solomon,  states, this, the whole children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb, a reward,  like arrows in the hands of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who  fills his quiver with them. So again, children are tremendous blessing and reward from the  Lord again and again and again, the Bible speaks of that. Psalm 128 says, your wife will be  like a fruitful vine within your house, your children will be like olive shoots around your table.  And for many who are unable to have children, when they are given a child, it's a blessing  from God. Psalm 113:9 says, God gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous  mother of children. Genesis tells of Isaac and his wife Rebecca, being unable to have children for a while, Isaac prayed to the Lord for his wife because she was barren. And the Lord  granted his prayer. And Rebecca, his wife, conceived Genesis 25:21, so that child was an  answer to prayer. Question 13 What should parents do for their children, parents should teach their children, pray for them, discipline them in love, provide for them, and serve as good  examples of how to live as a Christian. Scripture references Proverbs 22:6 says, Train up a  child in the way he should go, then when he's old, he will not depart from it. Now again, that's  a generalization, not a guarantee. It's a proverb. And so the general observation is, children  tend to turn out the way their parents have brought them up. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says these  words that I command you today shall be on your heart, you shall teach them diligently to  your children, and so talk of them when you sit in your house. And when you walk, by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. So it's a constant thing, this teaching of parents to their children, seize every opportunity you have throughout the day, to show your children and to talk to them about the things of God and what it means to live as a child of God. King David did this with his son, Solomon, I Kings 2:2-3. David said, Be strong and show yourself a man  and keep the charge of the Lord your God walking in his ways, and keeping his statutes His  commandments, that you may prosper in all that you do. And wherever you turn, and then  when you read the proverbs of Solomon in the book of Proverbs, he'll often speak of how my  father taught me this or my father said to me, and so, teaching of a son or a daughter is a vital part of being a parent. Discipline is also part of that, training, punishing, correcting rebuking  Proverbs 29:17 says, discipline your son and he will give you rest, He will give delight to your  heart. Ephesians 6:4 warns against excessive discipline or discipline that is not understanding or too harsh, says fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the  discipline and instruction of the Lord. Proverbs 3:12 speaks of the results of all this, the Lord  reproves him whom he loves, as a father, the son in whom he delights. So when a father is  correcting a son, he's really treating that son the way the Lord treats us in correcting us and  showing his love for us by correcting us. Question 14 How should children respond to the  teaching and discipline of their parents, children should obey their parents in all things lawful,  accept their loving discipline, and follow their good example. When parents are old and 

unable to support themselves, children should help provide for them. When they do all these  things, they will bring joy to their parents, when they don't. The result will be sorrow, loss,  distress, and punishment. Now before I said that marriage is intended to portray something  about the relationship between Christ and the church, the father child relationship is also  meant to show something about God and the way he relates to us, a father, and also a  mother are to, in their parental role show something of God and His love of the way, God the  Father loves His own Son, Jesus Christ as well as the way God loves his children. And so  parents are showing something about God. And that's, that's a reason why some children who had very harsh or cruel parents have a very hard time accepting the grace and love of God,  because they've been receiving a terrible sermon about God, from the way their parents have treated them. By the same token, parents who love their children tenderly and understand  them and seek to guide them in a wise path, are showing that this is something of what God  the Father is like. And then, when we obey our parents, we are showing that we are honoring  not just them, but the God who is our father. So when you honor your father and your mother,  you're indirectly showing honor to God himself, and when you dishonor them, you're indirectly dishonouring God himself. In the 10 commandments, it says, Honor your father and your  mother, Deuteronomy 5:16 Ephesians 6:1 children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is  right. Proverbs 10:1, A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his  mother. Proverbs 23:24, says, the father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, he who father's A wise son will be glad in him. So if you want to make your parents happy, then honor them,  and to be wise in the ways that they rightly taught you. Proverbs 28:7 says the one who keeps the law is a son with understanding, but a companion of gluttons shames his father, you're a  bad reflection on your parents when you live in a wicked way. And then there's this one  Proverbs 30:17, the eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out  by the Ravens of the valley and eaten by vultures. Or to put it another way, if you're  disrespectful towards your parents, you're dead meat. Because vultures and ravens eat  what's dead. Hebrews 12 makes this connection between the way our fathers treat us and the way God is our Father. We have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected  them, shall we not much more be subjected to the Father of spirits and live for they our  earthly fathers discipline this for a short time as it seemed best to them, but God disciplines  us for our good that we may share His holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful  rather than pleasant, but later, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have  been trained by it. And then this text about helping out aging parents, children are called upon to help aging parents who need their help if a widow has children or grandchildren. These  should learn first of all, to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family, and so  repaying their parents and grandparents for this is pleasing to God. If anyone does not  provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Wow. Those are strong words for children or grandchildren who  neglect the care of an aging person. You've denied the faith, you're worse than an unbeliever.  What strong words calling us to honor our parents and grandparents into their very old age to  provide them with physical necessities if needed, and also with our constant honor, and  respect and love? Question 15 How do the deeds of parents affect the lives of their children?  The good deeds of parents often lead to blessing for their children. The sins of parents often  lead to problems, trials and hurts in the lives of their children. The parents may establish a  pattern of life that continues in the lives of their descendants, and all of them suffer for the  failure of their parents and grandparents as well as their own sins. Not all children of godly  parents are faithful to God, but when they are, they and their parents are both blessed. Not all children of ungodly parents continue in unbelief and sin. Children who turn away from the  evils of their parents can experience God's grace and blessing and provide their own children 

with a better heritage than their parents gave them. Children can be helped or hindered by  their parents deeds, but we must not depend on our parents to make us right with God, you're not going to go to heaven hanging on to dad's coattails or mom's apron strings, you can honor your parents and be grateful for them. But you're not going to be made right with God just  because you belong to the right set of parents. On the other hand, nor should we blame our  parents for our own sinful choices. You might say, Oh, but I had a bad dad and mom or they  treated me wrong. And that's why I am the way I am. Well, parents can influence us, for better or worse, and they must answer to God for their parenting. But each of us remains  responsible before God for our own choices. My parents have to answer for what kind of  parents they were towards me. But when I stand before God's judgment seat, I can't just say,  well, I've got good excuses. In my case, I had wonderful godly parents and I and in that case,  I can't say well, I know that I've wandered far from you, but hey, I have good parents. So yes,  that should be worth something. No. God deals with each of us personally, and not just on the basis of who our parents were. Exodus 20:5-6 speaks of the kind of legacy that wickedness  can leave in a family line. I the LORD your God am a jealous God. Here God's talking about  his refusal to let them worship idols. I'm a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on  the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast  love to 1000s or 1000 generations of those who love Me and keep My commandments.  Jeremiah 32:18, says, you show steadfast love to 1000s, but you repay the guilt of fathers to  their children after them. Now this does not mean that good children still are cursed by God  because of the badness of their parents. Notice, it's the third and fourth generation of those  who hate me. The parents hated God, and the children follow in their footsteps in hating God,  and so they suffer for it. We see some examples in the Bible, of how wickedness was passed  on to another generation. I Kings 22:52, says, That wicked Ahaziah did what was evil in the  eyes of the Lord and walked in the way of his father Ahab, in the way of his mother Jezebel.  Now if you know the Book of Kings, you know that Ahab and Jezebel were horrible people,  and Ahaziah followed in their path. On the other hand, I Kings 22:43, speaks of King  Jehoshaphat, he walked in all the ways of Asa, his father, who was a godly king, he did not  turn aside from it doing what was right in the sight of the Lord. So you have these examples of godly kings following a godly father and a wicked king, following wicked father and mother.  But that didn't always happen. Take for example, King Hezekiah. He had a horrible father,  who sacrificed some of his own children to idols and was very wicked. And Hezekiah was one of the best kings Israel ever had. And yet, after Hezekiah, his own son was wicked again. So  sometimes you have people following in the footsteps of their parents, but sometimes they  break from what the previous generation did. In the book of Ezekiel, the prophet speaks to  people who are saying, Oh, the reason we're suffering is because of what our parents did.  And God says no, If you're suffering for what your parents did, it's only because you keep on  doing what your parents did wrong. But if you changed, you wouldn't be suffering for that. And he says, Now, if you have a man who fathers a son who and sees all the sins that his father  has done, he sees him does not do likewise, he shall not die for his father's iniquity, he shall  surely live, the soul who sins shall die, the Son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the Son, the righteousness of the righteous shall be upon  himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself. So each of us is responsible for our own self, before God, and Ezekiel 18 unfolds that it says, Now if there's a righteous  man who has a son who turns out to be wicked, then that wicked son is going to be punished  even though his dad was righteous. But if that wicked son in turn has a son, and that guy  turns out to be righteous, well, then he's not going to suffer for the wickedness of the wicked  father, each person is responsible before God. So the heritage we receive can have an  influence on us. But we also have responsibility for how we respond to that influence and for 

how we respond to God's call to repent and trust Jesus, and walk with the Lord. Zechariah 1:4 says, Do not be like your fathers, they did not hear or pay attention to me. So ordinarily, if we  have gotten to parents were to honor our father and mother and obey them and seek to walk  in their steps. But if we have parents who were wicked, we should still honor them in a certain 

sense and obey them in matters that are lawful, but we should not just try to imitate them.  Instead, we're not to be like them, we are instead to pay attention to God. I Peter 1:18-19. You are ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers not with perishable things  such as silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ. These are the beautiful things that the Scripture speaks of, if you've got a bad family heritage, family can give advantages but  family is not destiny. You can make a fresh start for yourself, and for the generations that  come after you. Question 16 What is the most important decision believing parents can make  regarding their children. Parents who trust in Jesus as Savior and Lord should honor God as  ruler of their family. They should humbly and sincerely determined to serve as an example to  their children, by walking in the ways of the Lord, teaching their children to walk in the ways of the Lord and serving the Lord with their entire family. The faith is a personal thing, but it's also a family thing where we involve our spouse and children in walking in the ways of the Lord.  Genesis 18:19, God says, I have chosen Abraham, that he may command his children and  his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice, so  that the Lord they bring to Abraham what he has promised him. In Psalm 101:2 King David  says, I will ponder the way that is blameless, I will walk with integrity of heart, within my  house. In Acts, chapters 10 and 11, we read about Cornelius, a man who was seeking God  who had come to know the of the one true God but was still looking for salvation. Acts 10:2  says Cornelius was a devout man who feared God with all his household, he gave alms  generously to the people. And he prayed continually to God and the Lord listen to his prayers, and Cornelius hadn't yet learned about Jesus. And an angel gave Cornelius a vision and he  told Cornelius send to Joppa and bring Simon who is called Peter, he will declare to you a  message by which you will be saved you and all your household, what a blessing, promise  you'll be saved and all of your household. The apostle Paul told a jailer who was about to kill  himself, and who asked what must I do to be saved? The Apostle replied, Believe in the Lord  Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household, and the jailer rejoiced along with his  entire household that he had believed in God. When you believe that can have a profound  impact, not just for you, but for your whole household, and for generations to come. Joshua,  that great leader of Israel in Old Testament times, challenged people and he said, choose you this day whom you will serve. As for me in my house, we will serve the Lord and believers  throughout many 1000s of years have taken those words on their own lips. As for me and my  house, We will serve the Lord. What a blessing thing it is that God has designed marriage and family. And may God give us grace and wisdom to make our marriages, displays and  dramatizations of the love between Jesus and His church. May God give fathers and mothers  grace to show how God the Father loves us in the way that they show love and provide  wisdom and guidance for their children. And may we leave a legacy to generations after us.  As for me, and my house, we will serve the Lord